Today, I was dry-walling a house when my butt started to itch. I bent over to scratch it on a piece of plywood, at which point the client's wife walked in and asked what the fuck I was doing. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I felt an itch on my butt so I went to the bathroom to scratch it. It was actually a dried layer of skin that broke from years of wear and tear, and now every time I shit I feel immense pain for the next hour. FML
Today, my thigh was itchy, so I went into a bathroom stall to scratch it. I, for some reason, moaned out loud while doing it. After that, the men's bathroom went completely silent. FML
Today, I was in a shopping center when I went to the toilet. I came out, washed my hands and suddenly got a massive itch in my crotch. Without thinking I itched it. I then had to walk around the center with a wet hand print on my crotch. FML
Today, my patient had her call bell on. When I went to see what she needed, she replied that she was very itchy and could not reach to scratch the itch. I basically got called in to scratch my patient's crotch. FML
Today, at work, I wet my pants. I had to throw my tighty-whities away. Since I didn't have underwear on, I chafed real bad and got a rash on my butthole and near my balls. I had to push my boyfriend off of me, all because it hurt too much to touch. FML
Today, I had an unbearable itch on my foot that I could not make go away with my nails, so I grabbed the stapler in my drawer to scratch it with. Bad idea. FML
Today, my husband actually was cleaning our bathrooms. I had to pee and the floor was wet in my upstairs bathroom. My wonderful husband told me to go downstairs. I did and sat on the toilet seat which felt wet. He forgot he had sprayed it with Tilex. Chemical burns on your butt are great. FML
Today, I woke up with an extremely irritable rash around my crotch. I didn't want to full out itch it by putting my hands down my pants, so I itched it by putting my hand in my pockets. I got kicked off the train for "pleasuring myself in public." FML
Today, after a particularly nasty shit, I decided to do one extra pass with a diaper wipe. What I didn't realize was that my wife had refilled the normal container with a pack of Clorox wipes by mistake. My asshole has never burned so fiercely in my 30+ years of life as it did in those following moments. FML
Today, my husband caught me scratching my armpit with his beard brush. Just last week I swore that I never touch it. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Superflyshyguy 0
"Up until I was 18, I thought you only had to wipe once after taking a dump. I just figured an itchy butt and brown underwear streaks were a part of life." -Thad Cassel.
Trace01m 11
Maybe just reach back and scratch your ass.. I think it would be much more effort to use plywood..
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (60)
zacharytk72 5
hahahhaha
DahkLohd 4
Should have stuck your wood up her ass.
rallets 23
"im scratching my ass with this plywood, **** it look like" theres your response lol
IStoleTheCookies 16
Rofl xD Tbh if it was me i'd just stand there and laugh.
gamercanadian 11
ROTFL LOL that's frkin hilarious dude
Rob207 3
tell her to f off
beeship321 5
Your picture wins beyond so many levels. :D
IStoleTheCookies 16
I agree :D
monnanon 14
lol im assuming it wasnt down your trousers so whats the harm. If it was then your a silly arse for putting splinters in a sensitive area. Scratching your ass through overalls won't do any harm to the plywood so what was that womens problem.
purdygal 0
why didn't you go to the bathroom?!?YDI
Alexxcunningham 0
who goes to the bathroom to scratch their ass?
UpsidedownKayak 9
He didn't go to the bathroom because he hadn't finished building it yet.
Graawr 7
Better be more careful. D:
MaximilianMarche 0
new pic
Superflyshyguy 0
"Up until I was 18, I thought you only had to wipe once after taking a dump. I just figured an itchy butt and brown underwear streaks were a part of life." -Thad Cassel.
banana_buddy 6
^lmao win quote
Sassybq1 13
LMFAO!!!!!! that man is a genius lol
ajmb88 0
b.m.s. nothin but wisdom lol
Jimboom 12
Tell her that if she can't see that you are scratching your arse then she needs glasses, that and she shouldn't be on an active build site if she can't see that much!
Trace01m 11
Maybe just reach back and scratch your ass.. I think it would be much more effort to use plywood..
vodkaliciouz 4
hahaha
ilovesexywomen 0
shoulda took the plywood and shoved it up HER ass