Today, at work as a massage therapist, I pulled down the guy's blanket slightly to massage his lower back. There were shit stains spreading from his ass crack all the way to his mid-back. When I told him, he wanted me to massage there anyway. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at work where I'm a physiotherapist, I was helping a patient with lower back pain. While I was massaging him, he shat himself. FML
Today, I got a massage. Just as I was starting to relax, the massage therapist drooled on my face. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage with a back massager, and as a joke I put it up against his butthole. He moaned louder than I've ever heard him moan and begged me to put it back. This can't be a good sign. FML
Today, I had a new client on my massage list. Two of my fingers got stuck in the thick coat of hair covering his back. I had to stop myself from making grunting noises whilst extricating them. FML
Today, I slept over at my boyfriend's house and he offered to give me a massage, as he'd found a book on sensual massage and wanted to test it out on me. When he went to the bathroom, I found the book open on his desk- at "Massage to eliminate cellulite". FML
Today, I was getting a full-body massage at a spa when the masseuse dropped hot stones directly on my stomach. As I jumped up in shock and slight pain, the oils and towels all fell off me, leaving me completely naked in front of the spa receptionist. FML
Today, I slapped my boyfriend’s ass as he was getting out of the shower and came away with shit on my finger. Bear in mind this was AFTER he'd showered, when he’s supposed to be all clean, yet he had enough shit there to get on my finger from patting his cheeks. Not his crack, his cheeks. FML
Today, I had to give a massage to an obese person with rank smelling fungus growing in between their skin folds. They tipped me two dollars. My hands still smell. FML
Today, I was dry-walling a house when my butt started to itch. I bent over to scratch it on a piece of plywood, at which point the client's wife walked in and asked what the fuck I was doing. FML
Today, I was supposed to be treating myself to a relaxing spa day, thinking it would be a great way to unwind. That was until the massage therapist somehow gave me a "reverse" massage that left me sore in places I didn’t know could get sore. I paid for this torture, and now I can’t even walk properly. FML
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Top comments
mandyk5918 12
That's sooo gross!!!!
TayrawrTMD 7
Sounds like a shit job
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Comments (85)
mandyk5918 12
That's sooo gross!!!!
MisterMichael 9
No shit
drewcat21 0
^ I see what you did there! Haha
deBlobX 12
Oh I'm sorry but I think, along with everyone else, I did not see what he did there
WritingWrongs 8
-3, no I definitely think there was some shit involved. Hopefully, OP was able to hose him off first.
AKGirlinSD 20
I grew up wanting to be a massage therapist and this story, alone, is the reason I never became one. That is so disgusting; I hope the Original Poster didn't do it.
MedKits 9
74- you decided just today you wanted to give being a massage therapist?
AKGirlinSD 20
No, I grew up wanting to be one but I heard horror stories such as this post. I decided a long time ago but thanks for wondering.
anelard 6
Isn't it allowed for the masseuse to deny service if something like this happens? If not, then it should be...disgusting
awkward_gothlady 32
No shit, Sherlock!
TrippingOnAcid 29
#84 but you said "this story alone" was the reason
TayrawrTMD 7
Sounds like a shit job
mbuck87 19
**** the down voters, that's funny!
Hangryko 32
It is not.
patrickalamo 48
Did you mean that shit is funny?
gc327072 31
Definitely a bad shituation.
cheshireau 26
Isn't that a bio hazard?
MormonPornstar 7
No, shit is cool. Blood gets the sticker
BairaiF 0
Dont panzy this up
drkate25 30
What a shitty situation!
jackii1313 9
That's so overused!
oj101 33
The word 'shitty' is so overused, it's lost it's value. That is what made your comment so shit.
schalk 12
Do not speak the word of curse en masse, lest you summon Geldin
SuperPizzaMan_fml 11
supa hot poo, he ***** that
cOOkiEzRgOOd 22
I got your reference however it was unfunny and unnecessary
datoismyname 22
Some people are so disgusting these days.
LaughinStock 16
Damn 20 let me tell you, back then people were walking around with black spots on them. I was like what the **** is up with this Black Plague? "People those days!"
Carmstro 13
Why did 39 get thumbed down? No one know their history?
jackii1313 9
Time for you to take him out of your client list!
honestjane 22
I gagged reading this. And I've seen some horrible stuff. I hope you refused him service on the grounds of him being a walking bio-hazard.
laurenlovesjb 20
That's the most disgusting thing I've ever heard in my life. I hope you didn't massage him there.
oj101 33
Faith in humanity: -200 points
Posthuman 26
So now we're still at negative infinity?
DURPINATOR3000 6
More or less. Probably more
Attica 20
Wow... I hope you kicked him out after that. That is a health risk to you, not to mention completely disgusting! You should have been able to refuse him service on those grounds without getting into trouble with your boss.
xNephilim 19
I guess you've never been around a baby. They get shit stains everywhere when they poop in their diapers. I'm guessing it works the same for adults if they have the runs or anything like that.
outoftown 27
#80 - Difference is, babies don't often make massage appointments.
xalba 9
#80: There is a difference between a baby and a grown adult. I don't even know why you compared the two...
xNephilim 19
Well that reply went to the completely wrong comment. Oops. It was supposed to go to one of the comments asking HOW the guy had gotten shitstains all over his back. I'm aware of the fact that there is a big difference between adults and babies. It's kind of hard NOT to be aware of that. All I was saying is that babies get their poop all the way up their back, partly due to its consistency. Adults can come across the same problem, especially if they're sick.