Today, at work as a massage therapist, I pulled down the guy's blanket slightly to massage his lower back. There were shit stains spreading from his ass crack all the way to his mid-back. When I told him, he wanted me to massage there anyway. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, at work where I'm a physiotherapist, I was helping a patient with lower back pain. While I was massaging him, he shat himself. FML
Today, I got a massage. Just as I was starting to relax, the massage therapist drooled on my face. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage with a back massager, and as a joke I put it up against his butthole. He moaned louder than I've ever heard him moan and begged me to put it back. This can't be a good sign. FML
Today, I had a new client on my massage list. Two of my fingers got stuck in the thick coat of hair covering his back. I had to stop myself from making grunting noises whilst extricating them. FML
Today, I slept over at my boyfriend's house and he offered to give me a massage, as he'd found a book on sensual massage and wanted to test it out on me. When he went to the bathroom, I found the book open on his desk- at "Massage to eliminate cellulite". FML
Today, I was getting a full-body massage at a spa when the masseuse dropped hot stones directly on my stomach. As I jumped up in shock and slight pain, the oils and towels all fell off me, leaving me completely naked in front of the spa receptionist. FML
Today, I slapped my boyfriend’s ass as he was getting out of the shower and came away with shit on my finger. Bear in mind this was AFTER he'd showered, when he’s supposed to be all clean, yet he had enough shit there to get on my finger from patting his cheeks. Not his crack, his cheeks. FML
Today, I had to give a massage to an obese person with rank smelling fungus growing in between their skin folds. They tipped me two dollars. My hands still smell. FML
Today, I was dry-walling a house when my butt started to itch. I bent over to scratch it on a piece of plywood, at which point the client's wife walked in and asked what the fuck I was doing. FML
Today, I was supposed to be treating myself to a relaxing spa day, thinking it would be a great way to unwind. That was until the massage therapist somehow gave me a "reverse" massage that left me sore in places I didn’t know could get sore. I paid for this torture, and now I can’t even walk properly. FML
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Top comments
mandyk5918 12
That's sooo gross!!!!
TayrawrTMD 7
Sounds like a shit job
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Comments (85)
petra84 3
Reminds me of when a baby's diaper blows out and poop goes everywhere...but a grown guy? What is the matter with this dude?
a_marshall_13 7
If someone knew your name you could be reported for professional misconduct!!!!!!! you should NEVER post ANYTHING online about a client..
Michelley44 5
Good thing this is a unanimous site where people can vent without other people knowing, huh a_marshall_13.. how about you un-clench.
Special_Psycho 8
I'd use a bottle of hand sanitizer after that if I were you. ~_~
Blurry_1 0
Uh, no.
fatou_fml 7
Hope you didn't do that again !!
Ashybebe 2
I would have just told him it's too unsanitary and that I wasn't going to risk disease and he could deal with that or get out
Quimpo 14
That just sucks lol
DusktheKat 12
So...you could say... he needed a massage because he was.... HAVING A SHITTY DAY! Yeeeeeaaaaaaah!
grumpy94533 11
Noooooo!!! :( ewe