Today, my boss insisted we need to "do team bonding" so the deal was we all go bowling. I couldn't give a shit if they live or die, so ended up telling them I had COVID, just so I couldn't attend. Stick me on a desert island on my own and I'm in Utopia. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I jokingly said to my coworker, "God, what I wouldn't do for a week off work." I was then tested positive for COVID fifteen minutes later. FML
Today, my boss made me play golf with some executives of a company we're hoping to secure a business deal with, despite me having no golf training. My first swing ended up with me being rushed to the hospital. FML
Today, I'm the only person in my company with almost zero chance of contracting COVID, because I literally have no social life. I'm also the only employee who has to get a COVID test every single day. Yay logic! FML
Today, my boss had a "team-building" event, which involved a game of trust falls. As I fell backwards, my coworkers failed to catch me, and I crumbled onto the floor. I'm now spending the afternoon in the ER with a sprained ankle, and my boss called to check if I still trust the team. Great bonding experience, guys. FML
Today, my coworkers were bored. To solve this, they taped me to a chair and tried tickling me to death. My boss joined in. FML
Today, my coworkers decided to play a game of "Who Can Piss the Boss Off the Most". I opted not to play, but I still won. FML
Today, my boss yet again said she was "literally dying", after she watched a funny video online. Long story short, I'm now on her shitlist because I couldn't help but point out that she clearly wasn't dying, and that her ranting was distracting me from doing actual work. FML
Today, because the two other managers decided to go on a spa day together, I had to stay at work despite the fact I spent most of the day throwing up in the bathroom. They called me to say what a good day they had. FML
Today, I received a positive Covid-19 test. Despite being largely asymptomatic, the company I work for decided that I've behaved with "gross neglect" by coming to work in an attempt to support the company's ambition, and promptly fired me with no benefits. FML
Today, my team and I were given the options to travel together by company bus, or self-drive to a company outing. We all chose to self-drive. Our boss got extremely mad and said we had no team spirit. FML
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Top comments
Thaylok 17
Sounds like you are the prime target of the event. Expect more things to pop up until you join in and fake it.
Shzusuziq11 12
So that means you must miss a few days work also, right?
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Comments (5)
Shzusuziq11 12
So that means you must miss a few days work also, right?
Thaylok 17
Sounds like you are the prime target of the event. Expect more things to pop up until you join in and fake it.
Chazzster 32
My impression is that a minority of US workers (I am in the USA) actually enjoy “team building” activities. Some do and it’s a box a manger can check off as “fulfilling his duty to improve the cohesiveness of the workforce”. The very few exceptions I have seen have been for very small groups where it’s a low expectation event like a BBQ or something like that… Frankly if some idiot scheduled bowling as a team building activity for me I would likewise find a way out of it.
Anderling 33
Gosh, I wonder why your boss demanded you join them for team building. You seem super friendly and approachable to your peers. /s
Razath 17
As long as any "team bonding" exercises are done during work time, I don't really mind. Want to get together and do stuff after work? No thank you, free time is me time.