Today, as I was getting ready to go to the midnight premiere of the new Spiderman movie, I was actually bitten by a spider. He gets super powers and a hot girl, I swell up like a balloon and get to spend the night in the hospital. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my son wanted to be Spiderman. He found the biggest spider he could outside and let it bite his hand. He's staying overnight in the hospital. FML
Today, I had a dream that I was swinging through New York City as my favorite hero, Spider-Man. I was almost immediately beaten to death by a mugger. I suck even in my dreams. FML
Today, I went to a comic shop to celebrate Free Comic Book Day. A guy in a really nice Spider-Man costume showed up, so I asked and got a selfie with him on my way out. When I got home, I realized my wallet was missing from my back pocket. I was robbed by Spider-Man. FML
Today, I'm recovering in the emergency room. How did I get here? Intoxicated at a coed party, I saw a hole in the host's shed and thought it funny to christen it a "glory-hole", only to be bitten by what may well have been a black widow spider. FML
Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML
Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML
Today, I went through the nightmare of having to go to my doctor so he could remove a living spider from my nasal cavity. FML
Today, I had the opportunity to taste a live spider by walking into its web in the dark. FML
Today, while showering at my boyfriend's house early this morning, I saw a huge black spider on the wall. I'm allergic to spiders, so in my disorientation I ran out of the shower screaming, slipped, sprained my wrist, and bruised my tailbone. Turns out the spider was a clump of hair. My hair. FML
Today, I had to do a "damage report" on myself after going to the midnight premiere of Harry Potter. As I was waiting for the previews, a 20 year old man dressed as a house elf tackled and wrestled me for my seat. FML
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Top comments
TheDrifter 24
Quick, add radiation, you might be able to get some super powers out of it yet.
saIty 17
Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na... Spider human balllooooooooonnnn!
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Comments (114)
ShannyAK 16
We all want to be like spiderman op!
enahom 4
Lol
nvidioso 0
the spider must have not been radio active.
crchara 3
Oh the irony
docscientist 10
Inb4 misuse of the word 'irony'. Oh wait...
RedPillSucks 33
Well, Your super powers may have to do with which part of your body swells up (on command). As for the hot girl, have you seen the nurses?
hurrican_fml 0
Give it awhile. You might start spinning webs.
Arrawyn 12
That sucks. But it's cool because I just got back from seeing that movie! But, you probably didn't get much chance to watch the movie with that unfortunate spider bite, you didn't miss that much OP. I still feel bad though...
tj4234 36
I moderated this :D. Btw, I'm thinking of going to see this. Is it any good?
venomousddog 19
I saw it last night, I thought it was good
bizarre_ftw 22
To be fair, all main characters get hot ladies (even some hot ladies themselves [but not nearly enough])