Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML
Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML
Today, I saw a big, black spider on the floor of my bathroom. I promptly jumped up on the toilet seat, slipped off, and slammed my head against the wall. The best part? It was a tuft of my hair. FML
Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML
Today, I woke up on the top bunk of my bed with the birds chirping. I felt so energized, I gave a big stretch, and my hand hit the ceiling. I accidentally pushed the ceiling board up and lots of tiny spiders fell on me and my bed. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
Today, I was quietly having a bath when I felt something fall onto my shoulder blade. I glanced over my shoulder and saw what I thought were huge black spider legs. I screamed, completely hysterical, and I threw myself violently against a wall. It was my hair. FML
Today, while typing at my desk, I leaned back in my chair to stretch my arms. A spider dangling from the ceiling must have been watching me since it had perfect timing on its descent right into my open yawning mouth. FML
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Top comments
BadApple88 29
Spider -1. You -0.
_EnderDoge 22
Did you kill the spider, though?
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Comments (37)
_EnderDoge 22
Did you kill the spider, though?
BadApple88 29
Spider -1. You -0.
sparkledoge 29
Ceiling fans are aggressive creatures.
anonymous0110902 20
I guess now would be the time to burn your house down, move to another state, and change your name before that spider shows up again
Tripartita 45
I feel bad for the poor spider. It's going to be tough finding a tattooist willing to ink tiny teardrops under four of its eight eyes.
H4H 15
What?
Tripartita 45
I was alluding to the tear drop tattoos that some people get under their eye when they kill someone.
H4H 15
Oh, that was actually very clever, haha
ninjala 10
We were not a species made to last..
ssnow_fml 20
I think the spider won the round...
cecilk 29
I bet the spider was crawling all over you while you were out, probably doing a victory dance.
zeffra13 31
You knocked the spider off your arm & then jumped on your bed. I'm assuming that means the spider is on the floor now (or maybe other furniture). How does standing up on a raised surface help you spot a spider on the floor better than sitting on your & looking more closely? Unless you needed to see over other furniture?
cannonman1863 17
That was just the scout, there are plenty more waiting that you haven't seen.