Today, I had a dream that I was swinging through New York City as my favorite hero, Spider-Man. I was almost immediately beaten to death by a mugger. I suck even in my dreams. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as I was getting ready to go to the midnight premiere of the new Spiderman movie, I was actually bitten by a spider. He gets super powers and a hot girl, I swell up like a balloon and get to spend the night in the hospital. FML
Today, I had a dream about a giant spider crawling around in my mouth. I woke up to find that dreams sometimes do come true. FML
Today, I went to a comic shop to celebrate Free Comic Book Day. A guy in a really nice Spider-Man costume showed up, so I asked and got a selfie with him on my way out. When I got home, I realized my wallet was missing from my back pocket. I was robbed by Spider-Man. FML
Today, I had a dream in which I was being mugged. I started fighting the muggers off, while in reality, my fist smacked my wife in the face. Now she has a black eye, nobody believes my story, and they think I'm a wife beater. FML
Today, I had a dream where I was fighting a robber who had broken into my house. I was throwing a lot of kicks in the dream, and this apparently resulted in me kicking my feet in real life as well. I figured this out when my cat started attacking my feet, abruptly waking me up at 2AM. FML
Today, I was having a dream that I was climbing out of a well. While almost out, I felt someone grab my knee; I screamed loud in terror. When I opened my eyes, nearly 25 people were staring at me. The lady across from me apologized for hitting me with her bag. I was on the C-train. FML
Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML
Today, I had a dream in which I was arguing with my mom. In the dream, she threatened to hit me, and I told her I'd do it myself. I reared back and knocked the crap out of myself. I'm awake now, and my jaw still hurts. FML
Today, I had a nightmare in which I murdered a store employee because the store wasn’t selling the item I wanted. I would never do that in real life, and now I feel extremely guilty for how I acted in my dream. FML
Today, I had such a realistic dream that I was about to be hanged by the neck until I was dead. I was dropped through the hole and I felt the noose snap my neck at the exact moment I woke up. I ended up crying in my wife’s arms for a solid five minutes. Now I’m afraid to sleep, maybe forever. FML
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Top comments
earljonez 22
That would've never happened to Batman....
abNormal62 23
Spider-Man Spider-Man He gets beat up too like anyone can
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Comments (24)
earljonez 22
That would've never happened to Batman....
DeadxManxWalking 27
All he has to do is grunt and the mugger would be running up into his mother's womb
MagnusDeus 24
Looks like your spidey senses were offline.
utrax 23
Looks like his Spidey-senses were... asleep.
RoyalMGN 8
nice try
abNormal62 23
Spider-Man Spider-Man He gets beat up too like anyone can
Nickimariek 20
Obviously it's because you're a michigander ;)
Jetix7402 22
Relevant because???
EagleSonOfEagle 11
Maybe it's all part of your origin story... Perhaps in a few nights you'll get to the part of the dream where you actually acquire skills. Or, you could just be the equivalent of aquaman... you know... pretty useless.
Jetix7402 22
Sorry what? Aquaman is actually stronger than Superman. Maybe pick up a comic sometime
RoyalMGN 8
the king if the sea? my home slice? his trident can penetrate superman's skin smh useless they say.... when the water in your toilet attacks you and whips you with your own bodily fluids remember the name aquaman
cheyluvsturtles 30
Well maybe the mugger was the joker in disguise?
hellobobismyname 24
... Joker doesn't exist for Spiderman. Never mix Marvel up with DC. People do not like that, lol.
WavRace 14
Every dream has a meaning. If you can remember who the mugger is you can find out what makes you feel powerless
TMO2142 25
Which spiderman
nortwdschick 25
At least it was only a dream!
ssnow_fml 20
Well New York is a mean place...