Today, as I was getting ready to go to the midnight premiere of the new Spiderman movie, I was actually bitten by a spider. He gets super powers and a hot girl, I swell up like a balloon and get to spend the night in the hospital. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my son wanted to be Spiderman. He found the biggest spider he could outside and let it bite his hand. He's staying overnight in the hospital. FML
Today, I had a dream that I was swinging through New York City as my favorite hero, Spider-Man. I was almost immediately beaten to death by a mugger. I suck even in my dreams. FML
Today, I went to a comic shop to celebrate Free Comic Book Day. A guy in a really nice Spider-Man costume showed up, so I asked and got a selfie with him on my way out. When I got home, I realized my wallet was missing from my back pocket. I was robbed by Spider-Man. FML
Today, I'm recovering in the emergency room. How did I get here? Intoxicated at a coed party, I saw a hole in the host's shed and thought it funny to christen it a "glory-hole", only to be bitten by what may well have been a black widow spider. FML
Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML
Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML
Today, I went through the nightmare of having to go to my doctor so he could remove a living spider from my nasal cavity. FML
Today, I had the opportunity to taste a live spider by walking into its web in the dark. FML
Today, while showering at my boyfriend's house early this morning, I saw a huge black spider on the wall. I'm allergic to spiders, so in my disorientation I ran out of the shower screaming, slipped, sprained my wrist, and bruised my tailbone. Turns out the spider was a clump of hair. My hair. FML
Today, I had to do a "damage report" on myself after going to the midnight premiere of Harry Potter. As I was waiting for the previews, a 20 year old man dressed as a house elf tackled and wrestled me for my seat. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
TheDrifter 24
Quick, add radiation, you might be able to get some super powers out of it yet.
saIty 17
Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na... Spider human balllooooooooonnnn!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (114)
mybright 8
Oh the irony!?!!
conormaynard 0
LOL that's funny your going to go to the spider man movie and u were bit by a real spider.hope your feeling better.
OfficeNinja 5
You need a RADIOACTIVE spider. Regular "just poisonous" ones don't work. Try harder next time. Try sticking a brown recluse into the microwave for 10 seconds first - see if that works (but probably not - microwaves work by radio waves, not actual ionized radiation).
whynotbliss 18
Eeehhh I wouldn't call her hot. Cute at best... But yeah, swelling up like a balloon would suck!
Breaker132 8
I almost pressed YDI when I read you were stoked enough for Spiderman to go to the midnight premiere. It looks decent at best, but it seems to me like a teenage fandom. The Dark Knight Rises, for the win! (Btw, don't worry, I ended with an FYL, getting bit by a spider= bad time.)
perdix 31
With your luck, I wouldn't go see "Ted" unless you want to get cornholed by a bear.
puppytaco64 8
Or the dark night unless you want to get ****** up by a bat
hqbrat 8
The spider watched the movie and thought to its self "could I really do that to a human?"
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
Rub some bacon on it?
jeffnine 4
"Hey why aren't you coming to see the new spiderman?" -"I got bit by a spider in a moment of epic irony"
Shadow_Phantom 26
Bad Luck Brian IRL...