Today, as I was getting ready to go to the midnight premiere of the new Spiderman movie, I was actually bitten by a spider. He gets super powers and a hot girl, I swell up like a balloon and get to spend the night in the hospital. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my son wanted to be Spiderman. He found the biggest spider he could outside and let it bite his hand. He's staying overnight in the hospital. FML
Today, I had a dream that I was swinging through New York City as my favorite hero, Spider-Man. I was almost immediately beaten to death by a mugger. I suck even in my dreams. FML
Today, I went to a comic shop to celebrate Free Comic Book Day. A guy in a really nice Spider-Man costume showed up, so I asked and got a selfie with him on my way out. When I got home, I realized my wallet was missing from my back pocket. I was robbed by Spider-Man. FML
Today, I'm recovering in the emergency room. How did I get here? Intoxicated at a coed party, I saw a hole in the host's shed and thought it funny to christen it a "glory-hole", only to be bitten by what may well have been a black widow spider. FML
Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML
Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML
Today, I went through the nightmare of having to go to my doctor so he could remove a living spider from my nasal cavity. FML
Today, I had the opportunity to taste a live spider by walking into its web in the dark. FML
Today, while showering at my boyfriend's house early this morning, I saw a huge black spider on the wall. I'm allergic to spiders, so in my disorientation I ran out of the shower screaming, slipped, sprained my wrist, and bruised my tailbone. Turns out the spider was a clump of hair. My hair. FML
Today, I had to do a "damage report" on myself after going to the midnight premiere of Harry Potter. As I was waiting for the previews, a 20 year old man dressed as a house elf tackled and wrestled me for my seat. FML
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Top comments
TheDrifter 24
Quick, add radiation, you might be able to get some super powers out of it yet.
saIty 17
Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na... Spider human balllooooooooonnnn!
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Comments (114)
jellyforyou 12
:(
gabybilyk 5
HAHA ! LOSER :P I saw it it it was ******* AMAZAYN
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Spiders are scary! What kind was it?
olpally 33
Tobey maguire. I heard he's dangerous...
alex1432 9
great comment lol
happle 21
What are the chances of something the size of your thumbnail putting you in the hospital... x_x
aimeesea75 16
2- I actually read that in Fluttershy's voice x3
RedPillSucks 33
@72 You do know that there are quite a few venomous spiders, right? In addition, OP could simply be highly allergic to spider bites.
GroovyGravy 7
79- dammit, I did too
saIty 17
Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na... Spider human balllooooooooonnnn!
DooleyFTW 17
With that theme it should be Bat human balloon!
Redoxx_fml 22
Balloonman balloonman does whatever a balloon can
reallytho3 11
Friendly neighborhood balloonman
rcgirl2 11
Don't you mean sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium BALLOONMAN!
MartinAlex 1
He's the hero the kids deserve, but not what it-.. Damnit, he flew away!
moonsxstars 6
Don't you know what you see on tv isn't always true?
reallytho3 11
I'm pretty sure op wasn't trying to get bitten...
Zomg_Okay 27
And that they were, in fact, just making a humorous comparison to the film.
ALpein 0
I dunno' guys. He might wake up with 20/20 vision.
datoismyname 22
You sir, did not understand this particular FML.
KeyboardWarrior 10
Pretty sure it's a woman...
titzenpitzer 9
Oh my I love this reply :D
TheDrifter 24
Quick, add radiation, you might be able to get some super powers out of it yet.
hockeyoceancity 13
So you can eat OP's soul and gain the powers yourself? OP won't fall for that trick!
TheDrifter 24
I don't want his powers, I'm trying to create a soulless zombie version of the justice league.
hunterfisher98 8
Quickly! To the nuclear power plant!
cheetahbaby96 8
Don't forget, all superheroes' parents are dead. You know what you must do!
TheDrifter 24
If I drop my soulless zombie superheroes off at home afterwards they should take care of it on their own.
bizarre_ftw 22
Or cancer
chickenwalrus 14
don't be ungrateful, you're balloon man.
alphaskater09 9
What in the flying **** is you profile picture???
draegbomb 5
Jared Allen
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube man!!! (~•o•~)
bizarre_ftw 22
65 - haven't we already been though this? >.< *facepalm*
stormer461 13
At least the nurses might've been hot?
hockeyoceancity 13
I'm sure they were whispering together, "Do you see balloon man over there? His hives and redness is turning me on...."
Hiimhaileypotter 53
At least you weren't in the hospital because your dad wanted hot nurses and broke your knee to get to them.
Michele2luv 8
Referencing an older FML, good job . . .
bizarre_ftw 22
Obvious statement, questionable job.
MissMae93 23
Oh gross, that sucks OP! Hope you're doing better and make note if your spidey senses start tingling ;)
21jason 9
The powers don't kick in until at least 24 hours.