Today, I asked the 7-year-old that I was babysitting if he could burp on command. He said he could, and began to demonstrate. It turns out he couldn't purposely burp, but he definitely could vomit on command. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, the nine year old girl I was babysitting got the hiccups, so I told her to drink some water upside down to cure them. She ended up vomiting on the floor. FML
Today, my 7-month-old spit up on the floor. My 3-year-old puts their hands in it, sniffed, and puked. Then sticks their hands in their own puke, sniffed, and puked again. FML
Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML
Today, after changing and dressing my 6-month-old into his super cute brand new outfit, I saw the telltale sign of him about to vomit. Without thinking, I cup my hand under his mouth and catch it all. I had to sit there with a hand full of puke and nowhere to dump it. FML
Today, while alone in the childcare centre I work at, one of the children farted bad enough to trigger my morning sickness. Because I was alone, I couldn't leave the room, which resulted in me throwing up into a 2-year-old-sized toilet, while 12 toddlers either watched or ran wild. FML
Today, I was babysitting my baby cousin. I was lying on my back playing with her, while holding her up in the air. As I was doing that, I made cooing noises and funny faces to get her to laugh. She laughed and threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, I recently taught my 6 year-old son that, to be polite, you have to pretend you haven't noticed if someone farts. Now it embarrassingly just happened to me, and he shouted with a big smile, "See? I'm pretending I didn't hear it!" FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
Today, at work at daycare, this kid was coughing really bad, so I put my hand in front of his mouth in case he was choking on something so he could spit it out. But nope he wasn't choking, he was sick. He puked right into my hands. FML
Today, a mother and son were in my office. The kid wasn't feeling well and threw up. Mom covered his mouth with her hand, creating a vomit nozzle and covering me in puke. She yelled that I deserved to be sprayed on because I was not quick enough in getting a bucket for her son. FML
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Top comments
saIty 17
Vomiting on command... not a bad skill to have. I mean let's say you there's a person bothering you, so to get that person to leave you alone all you have to do is vomit on that person! P.S. for all of you who don't have this amazing skill just use Jenna Marbles "face" to repel those annoying people
reallytho3 11
That kid has talent
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Comments (72)
sierraleeannee 13
Yum.
twinkledinosaur 0
Yes, vomit sure is appetising...
bigtaytay 13
I wonder if OP cleaned it up on command
SqueakyChipmunk 22
1) if your profile picture was of a dog, I could completely understand your comment.
moonsxstars 6
And who's fault was that?
MrSassypants 34
Your fault.
newbiehere99 6
#2 - Op must have shown the kid your pic and that's why he puked
Dixbfloppin 11
My fault.
peachesncreem 21
2 - Every time I see you comment, it's always thumbed down. Which of the FML Gods did you piss off?
baddawg365 0
48- All of them
newbiehere99 6
FML gods haha I just qweefed to that :)
Jared900DUmpling 30
Dingleberg
stormer461 13
That kid's lame. Who can't burp on command?
syley 5
I think Throwing up on command is much more interesting and helpful for a distraction
chacha2726 0
Me
ALpein 0
You are lame. Who puts their mascot as their profile picture?
PhishloverA 14
No #12, it's gross
reallytho3 11
That kid has talent
lopsop 12
I wish I could projectile vomit on command. It could get me out of so much stuff
zachherbert 10
I can see him now, at his first talent show....
Hiimhaileypotter 53
I'm just curious about how exactly that came up. Did you randomly ask the kid, or were you having a conversation about burps? Weird either way. :P
olpally 33
Burping the alphabet is a challenge... Lol, but seriously, that's totally random.
saIty 17
Vomiting on command... not a bad skill to have. I mean let's say you there's a person bothering you, so to get that person to leave you alone all you have to do is vomit on that person! P.S. for all of you who don't have this amazing skill just use Jenna Marbles "face" to repel those annoying people
LO388 7
God, I hate jenna marbles.
sheerem 7
YES!!! I was just thinking about her when I read this!!
hockeyoceancity 13
10- I did too!!!! Right when i read "Jenna Marbles" i thought of her!!! Strange, we think alike!
mykalt18 2
All the people saying they don't like her have probably never seen a single one of her videos. She's hilarious.
tHeDaRkNeSs006 10
Jenna marbles is the shit,and that kid is going to go far in life.
TriflingAllDay 6
I thought she was funny just now when I went to see what this was about. But then after about 10 min of her going off Nonstop on BS, I just felt like punching her in the throat.
TheDrifter 24
Call him Skittles, he can taste the rainbow on Command.
newbiehere99 6
#8 The last FML someone commented about skittles didn't get many likes ... I'm kinda seeing a pattern here 0.o
MissMae93 23
Burping on command involves swallowing air which causes vomiting which can lead to stomach, throat and esophagus issues. As a babysitter, you should know that. I feel terrible for the child, not you.
MrSassypants 34
I know right? The OP probably forgot to read the babysitter's handbook of every single thing necessary to be a babysitter. That's the only reason I could think why she didn't know that when she "should" know it.
TriflingAllDay 6
Im not sure how you managed to turn harmless burping that kids do all the time into health issues associated with bulimics.
hockeyoceancity 13
I'm starting to learn to much from reading these comments on FML... I don't like it! I DON'T LIKE IT!
MissMae93 23
18 - It's common sense. Every time you puke, acid erodes the tissue in those areas in particular. Children are more susceptible to these problems as their bodies aren't fully developed and not equipped to handle being sick a lot. Teaching kids to do stupid things like burping on command can lead to greater issues down the road.
TriflingAllDay 6
Like bad manners.
TheSnakeDoctor20 17
23- burping, like yawning is releasing built up gases and is actually good to do.
Octwo 16
Future helicopter parent right here.
tomhofer 14
who cares for real? your hyposchychic ideas are ridiculous
zerosk8r1526 3
23 - Yes, acid erosion does occur in the stomach and esophogus due to vomiting. However, I do not really think that this happening in children is an issue to worry about because I've never heard of anybody throwing up in an attempt to burp, besides the kid in the FML.
Harpy20 24
Sounds like you just made some work for yourself.
21jason 9
Join the circus together as the amazing vomit boy have show his talent all over the audience