Mr Benson, USA 31 years-old
Today, my boss fired me for being on Facebook at work. He did it via a wall post on Facebook saying, "ur fired." Six of my friends liked this. FML
Today, I locked myself in the bathroom and started spanking the ferret. I started to get really into it when my dad started pounding on the door and yelled, "Son, that's great staying power, but can you finish up already?" FML
Today, I had to bail my dad out of jail, for beating up my boyfriend, for sleeping with my mom. FML
Today, while using the restroom at McDonald's, a hand reached under my stall and took the remaining toilet paper. FML
Today, I walked into my elderly grandmother's trailer, used the bathroom and went to wash my hands. She had a soft spot in the floor that she covered with a bathmat. I fell through. Right leg up to my hip in the floor, boobs stuck on the counter. My husband and grandmother stood there laughing. FML
Today, I received a string of blank texts from an unknown number. When I asked who it was, I got a list of every place I've been over the last three days. I'm scared to leave the house. FML
Today, my girlfriend called and said she had great news. Turns out I've cured her of that illness she gets every month. FML
Today, I watched my cat walk to her litter box, look at it, then walk across the room to pee on a backpack. FML
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