Today, and for the past 38 weeks of my pregnancy, my husband decided to amuse himself by following me around, making whale noises. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML
Today, I am 20 weeks pregnant. My fiancé has decided my new nickname will be "Oink Oink". FML
Today, my husband discovered poking me in my belly button makes me have to pee, sometimes it's uncontrollable and happens immediately. He thinks it's hilarious and decided it's his new favorite game. FML
Today, I called my wife from work to check in on her because she's eight months pregnant. She didn't answer. Instead she showed up at my work hysterically crying and screaming, "You don't love me because I'm a fat whale!" She then knocked everything off my desk. FML
Today, my husband wants me to apologize for getting angry when his father told me I'm getting so fat that I look like a whale. I'm not fat, I'm just 8 months pregnant. FML
Today, my husband and I are sick. He keeps whining about how bad he feels. I'm just as sick, as well as 7 months pregnant. I've not only been taking care of his whiny ass: I've cooked, cleaned, and gone to the store several times because the tissues we had were too rough on his nose. FML
Today, I'm 11 weeks pregnant and my husband has taken great glee in the fact that his horrible gas is enough to trigger my morning sickness. We're about to go on a long, 12-hour drive. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, my husband has been super happy for the last 11 weeks, as he's been able to tell me what to do, when to do it and how to do it. Now I'm allowed to start work again, he's gone back to being super shitty. FML
Today, I am 10 weeks pregnant and my husband says he needs time for himself. This apparently means he will be romancing and sleeping with other women so he can "relax". FML
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Top comments
tbro47 23
Well if he wants to call you big start calling him small. That would shut him up.
Welshite 40
Just as long as he doesn't have extreme short-term memory loss. Also, you might want to name your child Nemo. It's for the best.
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Comments (83)
breakinlegs 19
Tail-whip his face!
Anthony1908 6
Drop his accuracy? They're not fighting now...
silvius 6
punch him in the throat blame it on pregnancy harmones ;)
strongmomma23 4
lol that be funny.
dachayke 16
You are an evil genius.
weveallbeenthere 30
kick him in the nuts and watch him flounder around like a fish.
Kiki242 19
Damn, he must not care about your feelings or he's ignorant to the fact that pregnant women are ultra sensitive. Hope its the latter.
CrazyOvrMustangs 10
And after week one he's still alive? You've got the perfect tolerance level for children. Go you.
G_bear24 9
Did he have a death wish!?
Anikimer 4
to me that is grounds for a punch to the face. it is pregnancy hormones after all
molliciousj 19
When I joked about punching someone in the face on the last FML I got told I'm going to end up in jail. The pregnancy excuse always wins.
kingdomgirl94 29
With her hormones raging it'd be a legitimate defence in court. "Temporary Insanity" defences are a legit thing.
lessleemc 3
awesome. hope he doesn't teach the child how to be an ass too. good luck. enjoy and love that little creature u r keeping safe ins
Vidrill 22
You sound follow him around, making asshole noises.
phatdaddy62 23
You mean farting?
Vidrill 22
Why,yes my good sir. I just wanted to be more consistent with the FML wording.