Today, and for the past 38 weeks of my pregnancy, my husband decided to amuse himself by following me around, making whale noises. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML
Today, I am 20 weeks pregnant. My fiancé has decided my new nickname will be "Oink Oink". FML
Today, my husband discovered poking me in my belly button makes me have to pee, sometimes it's uncontrollable and happens immediately. He thinks it's hilarious and decided it's his new favorite game. FML
Today, I called my wife from work to check in on her because she's eight months pregnant. She didn't answer. Instead she showed up at my work hysterically crying and screaming, "You don't love me because I'm a fat whale!" She then knocked everything off my desk. FML
Today, my husband wants me to apologize for getting angry when his father told me I'm getting so fat that I look like a whale. I'm not fat, I'm just 8 months pregnant. FML
Today, my husband and I are sick. He keeps whining about how bad he feels. I'm just as sick, as well as 7 months pregnant. I've not only been taking care of his whiny ass: I've cooked, cleaned, and gone to the store several times because the tissues we had were too rough on his nose. FML
Today, I'm 11 weeks pregnant and my husband has taken great glee in the fact that his horrible gas is enough to trigger my morning sickness. We're about to go on a long, 12-hour drive. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, my husband has been super happy for the last 11 weeks, as he's been able to tell me what to do, when to do it and how to do it. Now I'm allowed to start work again, he's gone back to being super shitty. FML
Today, I am 10 weeks pregnant and my husband says he needs time for himself. This apparently means he will be romancing and sleeping with other women so he can "relax". FML
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Top comments
tbro47 23
Well if he wants to call you big start calling him small. That would shut him up.
Welshite 40
Just as long as he doesn't have extreme short-term memory loss. Also, you might want to name your child Nemo. It's for the best.
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Comments (83)
lazymaze 3
Lol
megcarpy 19
What a dick!
jaellin 18
I'm so sorry that you chose to marry an immature ass. Then chose to reproduce with him. Then failed to put him in his place for nine months now. Ooh wait, no I'm not. YDI, sorry op.
a2dox 12
Maybe this side if him didn't come out until the pregnancy.
martin8337 36
He is a sperm whale.
BipolarKitten 9
Smack a Hoe
Mercer93 2
That's awesome
squideth 18
Here we see two sexist kids circle-jerking one another in their natural habitat: the internet. Notice their terrible sense of humor and lack of empathy to anyone different than them.
stargirl_95 24
#96 I think that you need to stop talking before you somehow manage to shove your head any further up your ass
kayteakay 26
Don't get anyone pregnant, they don't deserve it.
anonymous6847684 3
that's a long time!!
messeduplife2 7
My boyfriend would probably do the same thing
Saraj07 18
My husband wouldn't be sleeping in the house if he did that.
Saraj07 18
and if my name is also on the house and I pay the bills too you got me knocked up with your child and decide to disrespect me like that you can get out. once or twice of doing that, funny. continuously throughout the pregnancy uncalled for.
amypr 20
Well, I'm pretty sure you've already established in this FML that you will never be in that situation, as no woman will ever let you between her legs.
amypr 20
Sorry, this was supposed to be posted elsewhere. My phone is crap.
shorty11272 2
Pregnant women scare the shit out of me, really they do. I'm pissing myself as I type, just look at the piss stains on my tighty-whities.