Today, and for the past 38 weeks of my pregnancy, my husband decided to amuse himself by following me around, making whale noises. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML
Today, I am 20 weeks pregnant. My fiancé has decided my new nickname will be "Oink Oink". FML
Today, my husband discovered poking me in my belly button makes me have to pee, sometimes it's uncontrollable and happens immediately. He thinks it's hilarious and decided it's his new favorite game. FML
Today, I called my wife from work to check in on her because she's eight months pregnant. She didn't answer. Instead she showed up at my work hysterically crying and screaming, "You don't love me because I'm a fat whale!" She then knocked everything off my desk. FML
Today, my husband wants me to apologize for getting angry when his father told me I'm getting so fat that I look like a whale. I'm not fat, I'm just 8 months pregnant. FML
Today, my husband and I are sick. He keeps whining about how bad he feels. I'm just as sick, as well as 7 months pregnant. I've not only been taking care of his whiny ass: I've cooked, cleaned, and gone to the store several times because the tissues we had were too rough on his nose. FML
Today, I'm 11 weeks pregnant and my husband has taken great glee in the fact that his horrible gas is enough to trigger my morning sickness. We're about to go on a long, 12-hour drive. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, my husband has been super happy for the last 11 weeks, as he's been able to tell me what to do, when to do it and how to do it. Now I'm allowed to start work again, he's gone back to being super shitty. FML
Today, I am 10 weeks pregnant and my husband says he needs time for himself. This apparently means he will be romancing and sleeping with other women so he can "relax". FML
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Top comments
tbro47 23
Well if he wants to call you big start calling him small. That would shut him up.
Welshite 40
Just as long as he doesn't have extreme short-term memory loss. Also, you might want to name your child Nemo. It's for the best.
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Comments (83)
buckdharma 38
As long as he doesn't organize whale watching tours.
strongmomma23 4
what an ass I would love for a man to know what it feels like to be pregnant. honey I had twins and got made fun of the way I walked lol you'll be OK tho:)
skyeyez9 25
I doubt OPs hubby will ever make any special preggo craving shopping trips, considering he has been making fun of his wife for the past 38 weeks.
A_Perfect_Circle 12
At least he doesn't call you Shamu
Black_Knight80 13
whats with all these whale jokes? they suck!
Sniper_Chick4110 20
You mean they 'blow'. (If you don't want to laugh why are you here?)
tastychickens 13
Turn around, look him directly in the eyes and hold your thumb and index finger about an inch apart.
Calfml2 8
Explain to him exactly how you can make his sounds into ultrasonic dolphin calls.
unidentifieduser 23
All I can imagine is the scene from "Finding Nemo" when Dory is trying to communicate in whale.
hayjay2000 8
After you have given birth, however long he has done this at the end will be how long you don't have sex with him. Bam.
bobbabson 8
Your fault for being prego
pita1331 7
You're seriously a moron for thinking it's OPs fault for being pregnant and obviously someone needs sex ed again to learn how babies are made