Today, and for the past 38 weeks of my pregnancy, my husband decided to amuse himself by following me around, making whale noises. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML
Today, I am 20 weeks pregnant. My fiancé has decided my new nickname will be "Oink Oink". FML
Today, my husband discovered poking me in my belly button makes me have to pee, sometimes it's uncontrollable and happens immediately. He thinks it's hilarious and decided it's his new favorite game. FML
Today, I called my wife from work to check in on her because she's eight months pregnant. She didn't answer. Instead she showed up at my work hysterically crying and screaming, "You don't love me because I'm a fat whale!" She then knocked everything off my desk. FML
Today, my husband wants me to apologize for getting angry when his father told me I'm getting so fat that I look like a whale. I'm not fat, I'm just 8 months pregnant. FML
Today, my husband and I are sick. He keeps whining about how bad he feels. I'm just as sick, as well as 7 months pregnant. I've not only been taking care of his whiny ass: I've cooked, cleaned, and gone to the store several times because the tissues we had were too rough on his nose. FML
Today, I'm 11 weeks pregnant and my husband has taken great glee in the fact that his horrible gas is enough to trigger my morning sickness. We're about to go on a long, 12-hour drive. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, my husband has been super happy for the last 11 weeks, as he's been able to tell me what to do, when to do it and how to do it. Now I'm allowed to start work again, he's gone back to being super shitty. FML
Today, I am 10 weeks pregnant and my husband says he needs time for himself. This apparently means he will be romancing and sleeping with other women so he can "relax". FML
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Top comments
tbro47 23
Well if he wants to call you big start calling him small. That would shut him up.
Welshite 40
Just as long as he doesn't have extreme short-term memory loss. Also, you might want to name your child Nemo. It's for the best.
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Comments (83)
badluckalex 23
why the **** does everyone talk about pregnancy and babies in weeks......?! just say 8 months.
askingandy 23
My guess would be that it's easier to keep track of during pregnancy. Or because there's probably a huge difference in the fetus's development between the beginning of a month and the ending, so it'd be more accurate to speak in terms of weeks when going to check ups and things. And I assume OP has just gotten into the habit of using weeks rather than months. For babies that are already born, I have no idea. I really don't get when parents refer to their babies as being eighteen months or something.
Saraj07 18
because in pregnancy the difference from one week to the ne,t is huge.
askingandy 23
Now that I think about it, it's probably the same for babies that have been born already, too. Huge changes in developments and all that.
NiceGuysDoWin 21
The change in babies between 13 months and 23 months is HUGE, even though is is all technically a one year old. Generally it is accepted as normal to refer to how many weeks old for the first 6 months. Then refer in months for the first 2 years. After their second birthday, most everyone just uses years.
amypr 20
Also, because that's how our doctors talk to us about our pregnancy. If they constantly said "Okay, see you at 8 months!" and stuff like that, we'd probably be more likely to talk in months as well. As someone mentioned, the fetal development at 35 weeks and 38 weeks is different, even though both are technically month 8. If you go into labor at 35 weeks, its cause for concern, but 38 weeks is full term.
Senseless_487 29
93 was talking to you. If your pregnant wife/girlfriend wants something random at three in the morning, you drag your ass out of bed and go get it, no questions asked!
wvcheesehead 13
Tell him to keep practicing, some day after the whales are extinct, we may need him to make those noises to keep a space probe from destroying the Earth.
chosha_fml 27
He'll probably make cow noises every time you breast feed.
mikbrooke 25
#105 - if you ever get someone pregnant and they have cravings, i feel sorry for them having to put up with your selfishness.
catmcross 7
This is when you slap him until he cries, then follow him around for the next 18 years making fake crying sounds.
Sniper_Chick4110 20
This is terrible advice.... there is no excuse for physical violence.
Sniper_Chick4110 20
Op won't make it to 18 yrs with him if she does that.
Senseless_487 29
Geez, if you ever get a girl pregnant, I feel sorry for her. Don't forget she's the one carrying YOUR child, and it can be an incredible ordeal. You should do anything you can to make it easier on her, no matter how tired you are. Speaking of which, waking up in the middle of the night for her is good practice, because as a parent, you'd do it every night for the first few years, regardless of whether or not you had work in the morning!
TogeBara 12
Keep tabs of how many whale noises he makes and make him take a day with the kid or go pick it up when it cries at night for each time he made a noise. Tell him this after you have at least 20 saved up.
Harpy20 24
Maybe asshole is unaware that it's not recommended for women that far along to drive unnecessarily. Airbags deploying is extremely dangerous and if she goes into labor while driving she can get into an accident(even typical pregnancy hassles like Braxton-Hicks, sciatic nerve pain, and numbing of the legs puts pregnant women at higher risk of accidents.) If she's willing to carry a child for you, then you should count yourself incredibly lucky considering your douchery.
FemskyD 26
Hahaa mean but genius :p