Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I'm 11 weeks pregnant and my husband has taken great glee in the fact that his horrible gas is enough to trigger my morning sickness. We're about to go on a long, 12-hour drive. FML
Today, I am 3 months pregnant. While lying on the couch with morning sickness, my boyfriend farted loudly and filled the room with a smell so horrifying that I immediately threw up all over my coffee table. He spent the next 20 minutes texting his friends about this "epic" moment. FML
Today, I was having horrible morning sickness. I was violently throwing up, could hardly breathe, and was gasping for air between each round of puking. My husband, in the other room playing video games, snapped and shouted, "Why can't you just be quiet?!" FML
Today, my dad's new medicine for his bad intestines makes him fart so hard I can feel the vibrations through the floorboards. The whole house smells like an open sewer and he thinks it's funny. He now has to change his undies several times a day from repeatedly shitting himself. FML
Today, my husband discovered poking me in my belly button makes me have to pee, sometimes it's uncontrollable and happens immediately. He thinks it's hilarious and decided it's his new favorite game. FML
Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML
Today, my boyfriend endearingly told me that he's been taking advantage of my inability to smell due to a head cold, and he's been farting around me whenever he pleases. FML
Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML
Today, my husband left our bedroom to go turn the thermostat down in the hall. I let out the smelliest fart, so bad that I had to blame it on our baby. He laughed and said, "I leave for one second and come back and it smells like a sewer in here." FML
Today, right before my hubby got home and walked into the bedroom, I farted. The smell was so bad that he thought he'd stepped in shit and to looked at the bottom of his shoes for dog poop. I laughed so hard, but with a horrified look he asked, "How"? He says I've got to see a doctor. FML
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Top comments
Yarrachel 16
Just throw up on him, that'll teach him.
narkui 10
Nice husband you got there;)
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Comments (128)
narkui 10
Nice husband you got there;)
EatnBeef 7
We men do what we want. Unless the woman says otherwise...
dav3800 7
Screw the woman's opinion in this matter.
Jonkbaby 23
mebe hes with foodbaby
WillfulMurder 0
Let him, and proceed to barf chunks all over his ass and face.
ThisIsMyReign 4
19 - But sometimes we just got to do what we do best. Get on our girls nerves the worse way possible without caring. :)
ThecomingofTan 9
25- Classic Osama.
tjv3 10
I bet if you vomited ON him he would stop doing that
bubbly31 0
And he's gonna be a father
taco_bender 12
He has enough gas to chase you? Must have been a bad burrito.
theaws0m3guy 4
Reminds me of Peter chasing Meg around the kitchen with his farts.
Akai_fml 4
You're the one who wanted to keep the pregnancy going, so you deserve every shred of unpleasantness that comes with.
MerrikBarbarian 9
I'm wondering why on earth op is married to this child... Led alone reproducing with it. Least the kid will have half of moms genes.. Maybe there is hope... Maybe
remz89 3
183- r u retarded? Like how ignorant can u possibly be? If they want a child they want a child, I don't see how the actions of her immature husband is her fault? Seriously......
Akai_fml 4
186--What her husband is doing would be a non-issue if she had terminated the pregnancy. Because she's deciding to bring it to term, any and all consequences are her own.
remz89 3
Okay n of they decided to have a child together it's still her fault?? Ur point not making any sense to me, guess ur mother should have aborted u too when se got morning sickness
lylotrezor 20
@183: Go tell that to your mother.
Akai_fml 4
@195 She made her choice and bore the consequences, just like everyone else.
4Legend 0
Ohh please no one thumb him down or up, 69 thumbs I mean come on.
Katiekhalifa_fml 28
You're saying she should abort the child because the husband is being immature? It's not the child's fault she's getting sick, nor is it her fault. YOU should have been aborted if anything, you dumb ****.
megan_lovee 0
he sounds like a keeper
PandaFluid 5
Projectile vomit right into the back of his boxers if he tries it again.
noahzkwgo 1
First
Angel1000168 16
Thats gross :P good luck
MrKlutch 1
What a douche
IAdminIFlow 0
Wow, u shoulda sniffed his fart and puked all over him then said " I dare you to fart again." problem solved :)
Yarrachel 16
Just throw up on him, that'll teach him.
Jonkbaby 23
op's bf status update: "OMG you guys gotta try this new thing.."
RockVolley09 8
He's definitely not going to like it anymore when she spews on him. Haha
MichellinMan 20
Or just shove a knife up his anus.
SecretMe00 5
Wait until he gets really sick then do something that would disgust him and make him throw up.
nava1210 12
That sounds like a.. ..never mind.
MichellinMan 20
like a what?! say it!
finalone34 3
Why were you out of the kitchen? Smh..
nabila21 0
Like a bau5? (boss)
Takuya272727 16
But... I like square wheels! They're the best.
yuggi1 11
Show him how it's done, girl!
crazychick1269 7
Show him what?
Pr0metheus 7
Are you planning in embibing the chunky butter milk goodness?
caviar_fml 2
always love a supportive spouse
aeshleyrose 6
My thoughts exactly. I read some of these and wonder why the **** anyone would be in a relationship with someone who treats them this way, but they're all over this site. Also since he's now her baby daddy he'll be in her life forever. Wise choice, OP.
aKaClickZ 4
I'm sorry, but picturing that is hilarious.
Raori 25
Cupcake anyone?
MrSassypants 34
Yes I want one but I don't see what this has to do with the FML.
nochopstix 10
^idiot
GoW_Chick 15
Don't ever ask why there are cupcakes, just take the damn cupcake and enjoy. :)
nochopstix 10
http://cup-cake.urbanup.com/1238347 Some cupcakes aren't enjoyable.
Raori 25
47 - thank you! I thought it was a common term...
Namesuhate11 0
40 - Just like a pedophile and candy? *proceeds to van marked "free candy"
MrSassypants 34
So when I said I wanted a cupcake......
GoW_Chick 15
If you want to truly love a man you must also love his farts, reminds me of when peter chased Meg around with his farts. XD
Invierno 10
Farting is one thing, to fart with the intention of making your significant other vomit is quite another. That's just downright mean.
GoW_Chick 15
But it's kind of funny right?
hamutaru 2
Was gunna say sounds like he watches a Lil too much family guy lmao
jonn090 13
op should just engulf the farts
girl112891 7
Wasn't it when he forced Meg to stay in the car as he passed gas?
jackmeizter 7
Haha, agreed
chi99y 0
Haha I like how see mentions the family guy thing, gets a lot of likes, and comments, but some guy posts the same thing above her and all he gets is negative votes lol
dfish83 0
Love his farts? That just nasty... I'm a dude, I'm married an I would never expect her to love my farts nor would I chase her around attempting to fart near her... Matter of fact I usually try to not to that around her in the first place... I don't wanna smell her feces particles, my guess is she doesn't want to smell mine either
meridius4510 4
I was totally thinking of that episode when I read this FML.