Today, an old guy approached me and asked if I had ever seen an elephant with white ears. I shook my head. He then pulled the pockets out of his shorts and whipped out his sex nose. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my grandma added to my elephant collection by giving me some underwear with elephant ears on the hips, and a long, sock-like nose. She has no idea they're meant for a guy. FML
Today, an old man walked up to me, said, "Hey missy, you wanna see an antique?" and winked. FML
Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML
Today, while I was working the drive-thru, a couple came through. As I was handing back their change they began giggling. I looked down to see the man's sex-nose fully erect. FML
Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML
Today, I was walking down the street and I saw an old man, and me feeling nice I asked him if I could help him cross the street. He responded with: "Only if you let me touch your tits." FML
Today, I was casually shopping at Walmart. Everything was normal until the young guy browsing the aisle next to me suddenly approached me and whispered "sperm" into my ear. My spine has never experienced a chill like this one before. FML
Today, I was on a train when an old man standing next to me very obviously checked me out, caught my eye, and winked. He spent the next five minutes rubbing his penis against my leg. When I turned to tell him off, the train lurched, and the old man fell face first into my breasts. FML
Today, I walked in on my grandfather smiling at his penis. FML
Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML
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Top comments
bengermin 5
It'd probably have been way scarier if it had tusks.
KBeatz 5
You should have kicked the elephant in the chin.
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Comments (223)
Namenlos_fml 20
I can always count on this site's posts to provide a variety of nicknames for male genitalia.
perdix 31
You should have said, "Oh, political humor, eh? Well, I'm a Democrat!" Then, bend over and show him your white ass.
lowie89 7
I hope you called the cops and had that perv arrested
kaitie311 1
I'd have to give him a round of applause for that one!!! At least he has a sense of humor and not an old grump!!
Silentstrike 11
Excuse me if i'm wrong, but elephants are longer than 6 1/2 feet long. They are as long as alot of 2 door trucks. I guess this is were i say "don't speak untill you know your facts" By the way, you were wrong when you said "fun fact of the day" because A: it wasnt fun And B: it wasnt a fact. Have a good day friend.
jake3292 5
That's how he gets all the ladies/restraining orders
Harlequin073 6
Lol you said sex nose
1000suns 1
At least he didn't tell you to kiss the elephant between the ears!
totalnewbeeee 1
Did you run away ... I would have run away
Starcatch77 20
Largest of the animal kingdom? Try a blue whale...That's definitely an animal...