Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML
Today, while babysitting a six year-old boy, he asked me if I could show him my "boobies." I said no, that wouldn't be very appropriate. Suddenly, he pulled down his undies and pointed at his package while exclaiming, "Look, my penis is on again!" It was pointing RIGHT at me. FML
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, my friend asked me if I flirted with any girls during our shift. I said, "No, not any I could think of." He then told me there was a note on my windshield that said, "Call me" with a phone number on it. After my shift, I went to my car excited and read the note. It was just a penis. FML
Today, I was talking to my best friend. After admitting to me that he's gay, I gave him a hug for support and comfort, feeling his erection on my upper thigh. FML
Today, I was walking with my friend. The girl in front of us had a really nice ass, so I turned to my friend and said, "Damn, she has a perfect ass." He replied, "That's a guy." FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend about his views on personal growth. He replied, "What, you mean dick size?" FML
Today, I got naked in front of a girl for the first time. Too bad it happened when my "friends" pulled down my swimsuit at a party. Everyone saw my penis. I got a boner. FML
Today, my phone’s flashlight turned on in my pocket while I was at the movie theater. I didn’t notice until the stranger next to me whispered, “Hey, your dick is glowing.” FML
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
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Top comments
powelale0000 19
He probably thinks you're a dick now.
wopchop12 8
Why was his dick hanging out?
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Comments (142)
powelale0000 19
He probably thinks you're a dick now.
Kyle1dc 17
You've got balls to do such a dick move like that to your friend.
baseballbv 17
I can't help but wonder why OP had to ask. I'm sure he could've guessed by the general location the bulge was in...
1two3four5six 23
Besides, it's not like it's any of OP's business what's in someone's pockets. I would have just assumed it was either their junk or their phone.
JBChristian 47
I think with Mike's username, whatever was in the friends pocket really wasn't a dick.
BirdieCurls 25
why was his first reaction to poke it?
shanannygians07 28
He probably thinks you like dick now.
Kyle1dc 17
#54 Probably a brainfart of dickish proportions.
ShariG2010 8
Why were you looking there OP?
StiffPvtParts 43
Correction: He probably now thinks Mike (OP) is gay c: (Just to be clear, there's nothing wrong with being gay)
wopchop12 8
Why was his dick hanging out?
MrConcise 35
Gotta rock out with your **** out. What are you, a Mike?
anythingmustbe 18
19 was that a Jake and Amir reference?
pussystank 18
Or maybe he has a large one or was wearing really tight pants.
Fr0gs 15
Reminds me of the utube video with the police officer patting down the black guy haha
smaaash 8
That's nice, 3.
tatertotx3 16
If you're going to spell something, spell it the way you see it. * YouTube.
pussystank 18
That's no longer a stereotype. They do have big ones lol.
xXDemonWolfXx 13
Biggest one in the world is a white dude. And that is natural without taking something to make it bigger.
ex_omer 17
Thank the gods u didn't jerk it or pull it out
cinskeep43 15
also good that he didn't hit it or smack it... there could've been trouble..
KittyLahv 27
Also good he didn't bop it or twist it.
newnightsky 5
or bite it and fist it no?... ok
TheBestAround23 13
best comment. actually made me laugh
Pleonasm 36
A ballsy move on your part, but your coworker was a little testy.
OysterPearls 33
It was just a simple mistake, no need for his friend to be a dick about it.
Kyle1dc 17
Insert penis joke... oh wait a moment...
sjbartholome 14
that was his friend not coworker
ryan1268 18
I would post a penis joke but it is too long ;)
fauxpop 3
I can't stop laughing.... You sir are clever xD
ckerane 16
awkward
cinskeep43 15
the understatement of the century...
ImTheAlpha 30
Why would you poke anything f you didn't know exactly what it was? I mean, you can point out what it is by, well, pointing, but don't poke it.
Animekid126 13
Because sometimes people touch things, he's not thinking of all these precautions throughout the day
Earths_Venus 25
That's redickulous.
PegLegRacing 34
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That's ridiculous... As in worthy of ridicule. Much like your post.
Earths_Venus 25
#50 Well, you really cocked that up...
princesspeachxox 18
@50 can you say pun, read the comment again
inner_peace 19
That pun flew right over his head
RedPillSucks 33
The head shot
PegLegRacing 34
My phone actually autocorrected that... It was supposed to be ridickulous. I got the pun. It was the "re" part I was correcting.
magnetic_aura 26
That doesn't make sense for your post...
UmmOkThen 31
Ohhhh, so awkward. Insert foot in mouth.
Earths_Venus 25
I'd like some tomato sauce with that foot please.
cinskeep43 15
let's hope the only thing inserted into a mouth here was a foot....
RedPillSucks 33
I don't think it's a foot the guy's thinking of inserting.
RusticChick 27
I'd say that's one awkward moment you'd look back on and laugh about.. or bury very deep and never bring up again. Either way, I got a good laugh from this!