Today, an old guy approached me and asked if I had ever seen an elephant with white ears. I shook my head. He then pulled the pockets out of his shorts and whipped out his sex nose. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my grandma added to my elephant collection by giving me some underwear with elephant ears on the hips, and a long, sock-like nose. She has no idea they're meant for a guy. FML
Today, an old man walked up to me, said, "Hey missy, you wanna see an antique?" and winked. FML
Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML
Today, while I was working the drive-thru, a couple came through. As I was handing back their change they began giggling. I looked down to see the man's sex-nose fully erect. FML
Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML
Today, I was walking down the street and I saw an old man, and me feeling nice I asked him if I could help him cross the street. He responded with: "Only if you let me touch your tits." FML
Today, I was casually shopping at Walmart. Everything was normal until the young guy browsing the aisle next to me suddenly approached me and whispered "sperm" into my ear. My spine has never experienced a chill like this one before. FML
Today, I was on a train when an old man standing next to me very obviously checked me out, caught my eye, and winked. He spent the next five minutes rubbing his penis against my leg. When I turned to tell him off, the train lurched, and the old man fell face first into my breasts. FML
Today, I walked in on my grandfather smiling at his penis. FML
Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML
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Top comments
bengermin 5
It'd probably have been way scarier if it had tusks.
KBeatz 5
You should have kicked the elephant in the chin.
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Comments (223)
bengermin 5
It'd probably have been way scarier if it had tusks.
CareFace 16
Or if the "trunk" started spraying...
swankmrpancake 8
Or if the elephant raised its "trunk" and started charging
doctorhook86 25
I'm kinda curious if it can trumpet.
Dr0reos 8
Am i the only one whos still on the sex nose thing.
MrBrightside21 20
I've been using that pick up line for years... as a joke of course. It's all fun and games until someone gets pepper sprayed, tazed, and ends up in the back of a cop car. Where are people's sense of humor these days?
DarthDeath 12
73 - Nah dont worry about it, if OP says it, it makes 2 of us. We are gaining power, and soon, SEXNOSE WILL BE POLITICALLY CORRECT!
zandalee 20
Mr Brightside, you just brightened my day! Brilliant!
kyarush 10
Giggity!
MrBrightside21 20
159 - I am trying to get popular enough so that when people leave nice comments like that, they get thumbed up. But I have no friends, remember?
mikepattonfan 0
Yea I am
free2speak 14
Can someone explain this to me? Yeah yeah, go all "omg! you don't know" or "what! what world are you living in?" on me but I tried google first. It didn't work. so here I am, tucking my shame and pride in a corner, and asking for someone to explain this to me in probably the most criticizing of places.
BradTheBrony 19
The inside out pockets are the ears. The penis is the trunk. The you is sheltered and/or brain-damaged beyond repair.
TheGITP 0
What would of been good if OP said "ever seen an elephant with white ears and a broken trunk?"
cH1N1chunga 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You deserved it It was kinda obvious
felixshen 18
How is that even remotely obvious?!?
Drigr 9
It was only obvious to 2 because they frequently preform this "party trick" to random women.
WaywardDaughter 26
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Agree with 2 it was obvious. Right along the lines of "do you like seafood?" and then someone shows you the food all chewed up in their mouth.
klovemachine 24
Wrong #2 wrong wrong wrong :)
IdontWanna69 8
Yeah umm I wasn't exactly thinking it would be pockets out with a penis sticking out in front. Glad you saw it coming though, have you shown people an elephant with white ears before hmm?
dougiewhale 6
It's just the same as if some asked if you ever wondered what it's like to kiss a bunny between the ears! Ha ha ha
Casteels 0
Are you stupid or were you just born daft?
TahoeFMler 22
What is "kissing a bunny between the ears?"
kittytub 12
I imagined the ears were legs. if the bunny is upside down it makes sense... kinda.
onlychildFTW 34
Yeah I don't get the bunny one either. And I don't think that was remotely obvious.
brohamas16 7
Haha I wont lie that's actually semi creative
Tits_N_Turbos 20
Semi........ Lol
DarkHelmet 10
OP should've thought up a semi creative way to whoop that guys ass
SuperKnuckels 6
no no.. OP should have thrown peanuts at the elephant xD
floopyflooper 2
118- I think the elephant already had nuts.
yupitssoph 18
Well at least now I know what to expect if anyone ever asks me that question.
KBeatz 5
You should have kicked the elephant in the chin.
Aug1508 9
Your comment caught me off guard, it made me laugh so hard I'm getting the hiccups.
Dadothy 8
Aug, you are so annoying...
meihua 19
Augs profile is ironic
citymayer 7
167- I agree. How does one correct another's individuality?
crazydudefrom90s 10
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Did you let the elephant in your cave?
englishdweller 3
Seeing that op posted an fml on it, we would be inclined to believe the answer to your stupid comment is: No.
crazydudefrom90s 10
No shit Sherlock It was an obvious joke and not a question!
MrSassypants 34
You do realize that #62 made a joke too, right?
peachesncreem 21
66 - I'm guessing the people thumbing you down didn't catch your "obvious joke".
unjustlychicken 10
66 - Just because it was an obvious joke doesn't mean it was funny...
crazydudefrom90s 10
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I never said it was funny
uberdubers 3
130 - People usually don't say their own "joke" is ever funny. Just stop trying.
RadikulRam 16
Who the hell makes jokes with the intention of them not being funny? Who are you, Dane Cook?
cBlackout 13
130, just stop. You already look really stupid, don't make it worse.
pokefan813 16
All right guys. One person was enough to tell him that. No need to gang up on him.
sockmonkey576 6
....I thought it was funny! I laughed really hard hahahaz!!
mazio09210517 5
I don't think elephants live in caves... I could be wrong but still, you're not funny.
justspin 7
I love how you used the term "sex nose".. It made me laugh. That's a new one to me.
Shadowvoid 33
It was so new it took me 5 whole seconds to understand.
fishface517 10
It didn't use that term when I moderated it. O.o
Dunvanation 4
Ditto lol
tandem123 6
I thought he had one of those pairs of glasses with the big nose and fuzzy eyebrows, and likes to ware it during intercourse. Then I figured it out, and am now slightly disappointed.
citymayer 7
It made me cringe. And then I felt like looking for a face to punch.
Mynameislinh 24
LOLOL.
Dylman 6
What doe LOLOL mean?
MrSassypants 34
Laugh out loud out loud. Very redundant and very stupid.
Ilikeurfmls 13
I've never heard that but I have heard 'have you ever kissed a bunny between the ears' and pulling out your pockets.
everydayFML2121 5
Do u like cat brains? Then you whip out your balls...
Gunnarr 12
Hm, these are worth some trial and error. Better call the wife!!
salman_albalushi 19
I love you
xxmollyxx 25
Sex nose...
olpally 33
What about it? Don't leave us hanging!!!
aleeshttylXD 9
at first i thought u shit in ur sink......
Fmlsea 28
now that you have seen it , you were obviously less then impressed with it, should of told him that lol.
ConBroChilll 9
You saying that kinda makes you sound like a ****...
unjustlychicken 10
76 - .....how....?