Today, against my wishes, my son snuck out of my house to go partying. When he came home, I called him in so I could properly discipline him. While I was talking, he staggered to our fish tank, pulled open the lid, and vomited straight into it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I discovered that last night, my son snuck downstairs at 3am, drank two glasses of my very expensive wine, threw up on his bed, and then slept in his own vomit. My son is 14. FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
Today, I came home to my boyfriend emptying his bowels into my aquarium. FML
Today, my five year-old son was sick with a stomach bug. He didn't want to leave my side, so I grabbed a bowl from the kitchen for him to puke into. The thing is, it was dark in the kitchen and I accidentally grabbed a strainer. My new outfit is now ruined. FML
Today, I had to go pick up my kid, because he threw up while playing at his friend's house. The boy's mother bitched me out for not keeping my son at home while he was "ill". Her breath was unspeakably foul. So foul that it caused me to throw up too. FML
Today, I came home from work and found that my son had taken every single one of his toys out and left them on the floor. Plus some goldfish crackers. FML
Today, at the small daycare I run, I turned around to put something away. I heard a splashing sound and then saw one of my kids vomiting. He puked several times, and managed to hit the only rug in the entire house. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of birds chirping, had a wonderful cup of coffee, and found my son throwing up rubbing alcohol in the bathroom. FML
Today, my 3 year-old son projectile vomited on me. I was covered head to toe in blue Gatorade vomit. FML
Today, after a fight, my boyfriend brought me a soda that exploded when I opened it. Furious at his constant childish bullshit, I threw his ass out. Two hours later, my son confessed that he'd shaken the cans as a joke. I tried to call my boyfriend, but he'd blocked my number. FML
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Top comments
ihaveFMLfeverr 5
Talk to him when he's sober.
The_Hitdude 12
Is that a serious question? OF COURSE she would rather him vomit on the floor. Have you ever cleaned puke out of a fish tank? Doesn't sound quick-and-easy, does it?
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Comments (175)
ktaylor73193 0
Like a boss!
williamwheat37 0
Like a boss >:D
ChickenPollos 6
Superhero movie, anyone???
Zangetsu67 5
Did he get a weird dragonfly bite too
wiseguy69 0
Just let the kid have some fun. I bet you did the same thing when you were young ;)
Phyre24 17
Teens will be idiots, there's no stopping their stupidity, only careful and subtle guidance.
1crabbygirl 10
Subtle's a$$!
CantPublish 2
There were no survivors...
Omnomnomnivore 10
Those poor fishies..
xleanne_aLly 23
My mom killed all our fish too when she was drunk.
Lilybugg16 5
Ew