Today, after having my bath, I realised that I've gotten so fat that I have to lift up my butt cheeks in order to dry underneath them. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I'm officially fat enough I have to lift my belly out of the way to get to my zipper when I need to pee in public toilets. I hate myself. FML
Today, after taking a shower, I decided to weigh myself. Curious, I peered down. I couldn't see the scale. I am fat. FML
Today, I was in the shower when I realised that maybe I'm getting a little too fat. I was scrubbing the old belly when a dollar flew out onto the floor. I'm 23. FML
Today, I realized how fat I really am. While going to the bathroom I leaned to the side to wipe my butt and heard a crack. Not knowing what it was, I continued to wipe. After I finished, I got up to see that I'd cracked the toilet seat in half. FML
Today, I'd had enough of the excrement sticking in my butt hair. Now that I'm shaved, I feel my buttocks rubbing together. With every step. FML
Today, I felt an itch on my butt so I went to the bathroom to scratch it. It was actually a dried layer of skin that broke from years of wear and tear, and now every time I shit I feel immense pain for the next hour. FML
Today, I noticed I have to lift up my fat to see my penis. FML
Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm while wiping my butt. FML
Today, while getting ready for work, I realized that all my pants were getting a bit tight. When I got home from work, I went in to the bathroom and stood on the scale, which confirmed that I have gained a few pounds. I then realized that I was eating while standing on the scale. FML
Today, I found out that as I get closer to 40, I often need to wipe my arse when I fart. FML
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Top comments
Tikwichka 5
Ugh, now there's an image I don't want in my head!
gozar_fml 1
Just make sure you're not the one in walmart with short shorts.
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Comments (269)
2pac_45 0
that is sad how do you sleep?!
myboner_fml 0
Oh my, I feel sorry for the towel being used to dry them.
ringmybell_fml 0
you're so fat, that when you walked past the tv, i missed three commercials.
All4UandOnlyU 4
that's uncalled for. making jokes like this is hurtful. maybe the op just wanted to put on fml for laughs. it's when people like you start saying unesesary(sp) things like this
Rota 0
Oh nooo, someones feelings might get hurt on the INTERNET! Oh the humanity!
yessirfosho 0
It might of been uncalled for but it was still funny. The internet if full of assholes. If you don't want people to bash you about your weight don't talk about "lifting your buttcheeks try dry under them" on a website where any douchebag and read about it. If the OP gets upset over comments like those on a site like this it's their own fault.
All4UandOnlyU 4
I'm not saying the joke isn't funny it is but when someone repeditly(sp) makes fat jokes over and over and over the jokes start to wear thin
Malinkrot 3
All4UandOnlyu is so fat, Spain saw her floating in the ocean and claimed her as the New World
another_guy 0
i'm wondering whos fault is it...
rob_wow 0
man thats just nasty
nevermindbitch 0
That's just nasty.
xoluvinshayxo 0
wow... time to invest in some bloomers..
lizzabeth2010 0
LMAO!!
ilovechuux13 0
and how'd you get in the tub?
efyurlifeLol 0
LMFAO #7 buhahhaa lol any way not that I'm againts fat ppl but really dude that's sad there is three things I sudgest you do 1 GO WORK OUT 2 PUT DOWN THE FORK 3 go complain to your docture then you know for sure option 1,2 are very wise choices I recommend numbers 1 and 2 thoe
Ajjas013 6
LIST TIME: 1. Stop eating so many God damn French fries. 2. Start taking showers. 5. Strike number one and stop eating all together. 7. Get lipo. 8. Don't listen to me. 11. Sell your ass to a hooker. 3. HOLLYWOOD!
CallMeHush 1
Bad boy Ajjas, you're going to drive us down the road to ruin!
Ajjas013 6
You guys are going to hell. *Dials phone* Hello? God? We got some more in hell. Mhm, yup. 80 years.
CallMeHush 1
Right behind you my friend.
Menick47 0
Today, you just now realized that your that fat. FYL YDI