Today, I'd had enough of the excrement sticking in my butt hair. Now that I'm shaved, I feel my buttocks rubbing together. With every step. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I felt an itch on my butt so I went to the bathroom to scratch it. It was actually a dried layer of skin that broke from years of wear and tear, and now every time I shit I feel immense pain for the next hour. FML
Today, after having my bath, I realised that I've gotten so fat that I have to lift up my butt cheeks in order to dry underneath them. FML
Today, I don't know what's worse, the fact that my hair sheds so much, or the fact that I find most of it in my butt crack. FML
Today, I learned the worst part about being dared to shave your ass hair: Stubble. FML
Today, while taking a shower, my back hair caused so much friction against the bar of soap, it stuck for a good second before coming free. FML
Today, due to medication I am taking that causes constipation, I have become all too accustomed to using a disposable rubber glove to dig crap out of my own butthole. FML
Today, I realized that I hadn't shaved in so long that when the wind blew, the hairs on my legs moved in the breeze. FML
Today, I took a huge shit halfway through my gym workout, one of them half-wet, messy, stuck in your butt hairs. Three rolls and an anus with the feeling of carpet burn later, I proceeded to the bench feeling strong. At the twelfth rep, I sharted, right in my brand new gray pants. FML
Today, I found out that as I get closer to 40, I often need to wipe my arse when I fart. FML
Today, I was taking my shower, as usual. As I was putting soap on my behind, I heard a pop. I also felt a burning sensation near my butthole. I have a blood filled bubble in my arse, which got infiltrated with soap. I have a drums lesson in a bit. My butt is stinging. FML
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Top comments
bullsonyourface 20
stick your underwear in your ass, wedgie style. problem solved
slkeithh 14
UMMMMMM. pretty sure your feces aren't supposed to be stuck in your ass-hair no matter the length. are you not wiping??? much less showering and washing??
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Comments (12)
bullsonyourface 20
stick your underwear in your ass, wedgie style. problem solved
prettyprincessla 5
Wait til it starts to grow back, and you feel the spiking hair feeling like bindi’s in your buttcrack!
Giovanni Adamo 16
ewww
slkeithh 14
UMMMMMM. pretty sure your feces aren't supposed to be stuck in your ass-hair no matter the length. are you not wiping??? much less showering and washing??
DKING123456789 16
I don’t think they mean big ******* chunks I think they mean like barely any or something, I really don’t ******* know tbh
Magtec 11
It's like smearing peanut butter into a shag carpet...
Mungolikecandy 19
Go European, invest in a bidet.
PirateSnozzle 8
You'll get used to the smooth rubbing but what you won't get used to is the prickly rubbing when it starts growing back. That will drive you mad, especially if you've been a bit rough with the old razor. If you're considering this a permanent solution I'd suggest getting it waxed so it doesn't grow back quite so fast and prickly. However, I think it might be better to look into why you seem to have permanent dangle-berries. Are you just that hairy or do you have poop issues?
Inkoseh 33
I'm going to assume overly hairy. OP should have just trimmed. You know what ALSO the worst? Once you start sweating at all back there he's going to be uncomfortable af all day. Your ass hair helps create friction which helps keep it dry and unirritated. OP needs to clean himself better, wet wipes while away from home and maybe a bidet at home if he can't quickly shower.
Charity Taylor 17
Using wet wipes solves your problem with or without the hair. Just a tip.