Today, after finishing a bottle and a half of pure cranberry juice to flush my bladder for a possible infection, I've been spewing liquid shits all day, my asshole burns, and it hurts to sit. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I'm recovering from a urinary tract infection. The infection made me have to pee constantly. Now the antibiotics I'm taking for it are giving me the shits instead. FML
Today, after being woken up with the intense urge to go to the bathroom, and having gone to the bathroom three times in the last hour, I finally realized I took two laxatives instead of two Midol. My ass is on fire. FML
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML
Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML
Today, I have the flu, food poisoning, and I'm on my period. I have enough liquids pouring out of me from various holes to satisfy a sewer. FML
Today, I have a bad case of diarrhea. The worst part isn’t even sharting in bed while sleeping naked. It’s the severe asshole pain from having to wipe my ass twenty times in twelve hours. FML
Today, after a five day bout of severe chronic constipation, I decided to get some orange juice and increase my water intake. The good news is that I'm no longer constipated. The bad news is that I've got diarrhea now. FML
Today, I stopped taking prescription narcotics for pain, which make you constipated. I also enjoyed a few beers. Because of this collaboration, I had a very painful first turd followed by a flow of burning liquid. I cried. FML
Today, I'm so sick that I'm drinking fluids just to make it hurt less when I puke. FML
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Top comments
jarrettd 27
I know what you're all thinking. Don't you do it. Don't post anything regarding the words "shitty" or the word "situation" in any order At all Ever.
DivTech 7
Taco Bell much?
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Comments (102)
alex_gen 39
What a shitty situation.
A07 48
Cue the most overused pun on FML
jarrettd 27
What did i just say? Cmon we gatta listen here.
A07 48
#15 should've gotten there before #1
kandysnow 18
Aaaand there it is.
DaRito 25
Let's be honest guys, it's still really funny simply because it's overused.
shay_serendipity 29
Not really, it's lost its humor to me at this point. Seeing yet another pun saying 'shitty situation' just makes me sigh. Disappointing really.
DivTech 7
Taco Bell much?
A07 48
Because Taco Bell means a burning asshole spewing liquid shit
WinterChild 20
Uh yeah... Generally it does...
derangedplanet 23
have you ever been to taco bell? most people feel like they squirted hot sauce into their ass crack. haha. taco bell is asshole hell.
PANDORUM89 21
I don't understand this. I mean if you are having explosive craps that burn like the fires of hell, then maybe you should 1. stop eating at taco bell or 2. change what you order from there, maybe cut back on the added hot sauce. I'm a frequent flyer with them and I've never experienced this problem.
HoboRain 16
I used to go there alot, and then my asshole exploded...
Crossing 17
I'm a manager at Taco Bell and my ass has been raw since day one. From the food that is.
derangedplanet 23
you sure you don't have a fun store manager 66? hah. and I don't actually eat taco bell really because I don't eat meat. but I've heard all the notable complaints from everyone. plus addictions come at a cost....
higgysaurus 18
I like how #79 managed to tell us that she was vegan/vegetarian without anybody even asking. Well done.
laden_swallow09 35
I must be the luckiest sunuvabitch alive! I have yet to get the runs after eating at any Taco Bells in recent memory. McDonald's, on the other hand…
skyttlz 32
I feel like I'm the only one who doesn't get the runs after eating Taco Bell
saifnaqvi11 21
I cringed while reading this
Lalala579121 28
I cringed more at the first comment.
jarrettd 27
I know what you're all thinking. Don't you do it. Don't post anything regarding the words "shitty" or the word "situation" in any order At all Ever.
Tripartita 45
No need to be pissy. ;-)
Movel 17
It appears you were two minutes too late.
jarrettd 27
Damn it all.
Zuniga01 14
Bro, you just contradicted your own comment... whoa broh.
Lalala579121 28
Situation shitty just sounds like another Adam Sandler movie about taking care of a baby.
rashpimplezitz 9
Good call. They'd get shot down instantly by the ravenous community that FML unfortunately holds.
xxlittlemsanime 24
Omf, I've been in the same situation. Cranberry pills are the way to go and drink plenty of water. Good luck OP.
tantanpanda 26
Cranberry juice doesn't get rid of current infections since the bacteria are already in the mucous lining. Cranberry juice does, however, line the urethra to prevent infection.
davidpropert 32
If it's wet, you're set
lulinator 40
Go get the damn antibiotics! I used the cranberry method to try to get rid of a bladder infection this summer, and I thought it worked because the pain was gone. Until a week and a half later when I came down with a horrible kidney infection, I wanted to die. Cranberry juice and pills are a preventative, not a cure.
Movel 17
Don't get antibiotics unless you actally have an infection and your doctor tells you to take them! Unnecessary and wrong use of antibiotics leads to resistant bacteria, which can possibly kill people. Let your immune system do its job! (to a certain degree of course)
lulinator 40
Obviously that goes without saying. Any decent doctor will do a urine test to ensure the patient actually has a UTI before prescribing the antibiotics.
9a_1z 12
I agree people shouldn't leap straight to antibiotics for everything, but that sounds terrible, UTIs can be horrible. Going to the doctors and getting your urine tested is a reasonable thing to do, it doesn't necessarily mean they'll be pumping you full of antibiotics if they don't think they're needed.
Snaxia 12
Honestly you should not wait to let the body flush it out. Last time I did that I ended up exasperating the problem and getting a kidney infection. As much as antibiotics suck, sometimes we have to utilize the modern medicine we have and just take them.
ce2009 4
I wish more people would think this way most of the time of you're already feeling a you it's too late to try to flush it out of your system. and yes antibiotics suck but your Dr is supposed to wait for a culture to come back to prescribe an antibiotic that should work unfortunately I know about this shit all too well
GreyJedi 10
I kinda want Taco Bell now.
Tripartita 45
Well, when all else fails, you can cancel out the laxative effect with actual laxatives. It totally works, and I'm being very, very serious.
vet1 20
Wrong! Wrong, wrong...wrong, wrong...wroooooooong!
Dommon 7
sounds like every day taco bell story