Today, after finishing a bottle and a half of pure cranberry juice to flush my bladder for a possible infection, I've been spewing liquid shits all day, my asshole burns, and it hurts to sit. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I'm recovering from a urinary tract infection. The infection made me have to pee constantly. Now the antibiotics I'm taking for it are giving me the shits instead. FML
Today, after being woken up with the intense urge to go to the bathroom, and having gone to the bathroom three times in the last hour, I finally realized I took two laxatives instead of two Midol. My ass is on fire. FML
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML
Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML
Today, I have the flu, food poisoning, and I'm on my period. I have enough liquids pouring out of me from various holes to satisfy a sewer. FML
Today, I have a bad case of diarrhea. The worst part isn’t even sharting in bed while sleeping naked. It’s the severe asshole pain from having to wipe my ass twenty times in twelve hours. FML
Today, after a five day bout of severe chronic constipation, I decided to get some orange juice and increase my water intake. The good news is that I'm no longer constipated. The bad news is that I've got diarrhea now. FML
Today, I stopped taking prescription narcotics for pain, which make you constipated. I also enjoyed a few beers. Because of this collaboration, I had a very painful first turd followed by a flow of burning liquid. I cried. FML
Today, I'm so sick that I'm drinking fluids just to make it hurt less when I puke. FML
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Top comments
jarrettd 27
I know what you're all thinking. Don't you do it. Don't post anything regarding the words "shitty" or the word "situation" in any order At all Ever.
DivTech 7
Taco Bell much?
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Comments (102)
worldclassrager 41
Sure it wasn't prune juice?
snoopynicole2003 15
Cranberry juice and pills are to prevent bladder infections, not to treat it. Treatment is antibiotics and/or lots and lots of water. you will still get the ***** with antibiotics though! Good luck and hope you feel better soon!
Debauchery7 17
At least something got flushed?
NYGiants1925 22
What did you expect to happen? If you think you have an infection go see a doctor. That's what they're there for.
TeasinDaNoobs 16
Was not expecting the word "infection". Was waiting for "drug test".
fourscore 10
At least you know that it's working.
trucker2 33
Sounds like a 2 ply all day, kinda day, that's gotta blow.
sophiehelen 32
tablets containing immodium and sucocrem and you'll be set
EvilLittleMan 23
Monday Night Raw
kelzo5 5
Now why the hell'd you do that?