Today, after finishing a bottle and a half of pure cranberry juice to flush my bladder for a possible infection, I've been spewing liquid shits all day, my asshole burns, and it hurts to sit. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I'm recovering from a urinary tract infection. The infection made me have to pee constantly. Now the antibiotics I'm taking for it are giving me the shits instead. FML
Today, after being woken up with the intense urge to go to the bathroom, and having gone to the bathroom three times in the last hour, I finally realized I took two laxatives instead of two Midol. My ass is on fire. FML
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML
Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML
Today, I have the flu, food poisoning, and I'm on my period. I have enough liquids pouring out of me from various holes to satisfy a sewer. FML
Today, I have a bad case of diarrhea. The worst part isn’t even sharting in bed while sleeping naked. It’s the severe asshole pain from having to wipe my ass twenty times in twelve hours. FML
Today, after a five day bout of severe chronic constipation, I decided to get some orange juice and increase my water intake. The good news is that I'm no longer constipated. The bad news is that I've got diarrhea now. FML
Today, I stopped taking prescription narcotics for pain, which make you constipated. I also enjoyed a few beers. Because of this collaboration, I had a very painful first turd followed by a flow of burning liquid. I cried. FML
Today, I'm so sick that I'm drinking fluids just to make it hurt less when I puke. FML
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Top comments
jarrettd 27
I know what you're all thinking. Don't you do it. Don't post anything regarding the words "shitty" or the word "situation" in any order At all Ever.
DivTech 7
Taco Bell much?
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Comments (102)
cassi2525 5
Yeah, that happens. Just Blueberry juice also works, but with the same results. Lots of water and vitamin c, garlic and bromelain pills, and Just Cranberry juice in moderation. 8oz at a time, 3x a day...when you wake up, midway through the day and before bed. Adding probiotics is a great idea. Kudos for avoiding antibiotics. They destroy your gut bacteria which leads to more health problems. Good luck!
vampgirl999 8
Should have partially balanced the juice with water or some form of bread. Less chance of that.
RageWolf16 31
I don't think that's supposed to happen... I basically live off of cranberry juice and I've never had issues with an upset stomach
amberdea404 28
Someone should have told you 'flushing' your bladder doesn't work anyway. You need antioxidants maybe even antibiotics and a urine test.
ohSNAPyall 27
Cranberries are high in antioxidants.
TMO2142 25
Go to the doctor for that stuff, i had the same issue. They will give you antibiotics for it, they did for me
buckaroo_1999 11
Ohh how sad do you need a boot up your ass to help with that?
gichikku 14
That's a bad idea xD I drank a three liter bottle when I had a uti. I was awoken about three hours after going to bed feeling like I was dying. My stomach was in so horrendous pain for the rest of the night. After searching it, that's common if you drink more than a liter of it in a day.
lvg_fml 10
Moderation is key. First off make sure you have pure cranberry juice. That one doesn't have sugar or other fruit juices. Only cranberries. Also drink it or take capsules on a regular basis if you're prone to uti. If you already have one go with the antibiotics and use cranberry as a helper and also probiotics
NATALI26 5
was cranberry fresh or frozen?
NATALI26 5
was cranberry fresh or frozen?