Today, after finishing a bottle and a half of pure cranberry juice to flush my bladder for a possible infection, I've been spewing liquid shits all day, my asshole burns, and it hurts to sit. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I'm recovering from a urinary tract infection. The infection made me have to pee constantly. Now the antibiotics I'm taking for it are giving me the shits instead. FML
Today, after being woken up with the intense urge to go to the bathroom, and having gone to the bathroom three times in the last hour, I finally realized I took two laxatives instead of two Midol. My ass is on fire. FML
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML
Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML
Today, I have the flu, food poisoning, and I'm on my period. I have enough liquids pouring out of me from various holes to satisfy a sewer. FML
Today, I have a bad case of diarrhea. The worst part isn’t even sharting in bed while sleeping naked. It’s the severe asshole pain from having to wipe my ass twenty times in twelve hours. FML
Today, after a five day bout of severe chronic constipation, I decided to get some orange juice and increase my water intake. The good news is that I'm no longer constipated. The bad news is that I've got diarrhea now. FML
Today, I stopped taking prescription narcotics for pain, which make you constipated. I also enjoyed a few beers. Because of this collaboration, I had a very painful first turd followed by a flow of burning liquid. I cried. FML
Today, I'm so sick that I'm drinking fluids just to make it hurt less when I puke. FML
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Top comments
jarrettd 27
I know what you're all thinking. Don't you do it. Don't post anything regarding the words "shitty" or the word "situation" in any order At all Ever.
DivTech 7
Taco Bell much?
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Comments (102)
harlsp 12
You're only supposed to drink a glass a day
aeryn97 17
cranberry juice is full of sugar. talk to the pharmacist about effervescent powder (called ural here) to ease pain and aid in flushing bacteria. it's OTC
maz08 11
Just a piece of advice, cranberry juice actually has so much sugar that it feeds the bacteria that cause bladder infections, try cranberry extract supplements instead
Roadmaster6k 6
Consult a physician asap.
AirFirceSapphire 6
I know that feeling >.< stuck at home on quarters until Thursday because of some bug
Darko913 4
cranberry juice doesn't get rid of the infection. it gets rid of the pain. drink lots and lots of water to flush it out. maybe like a 3:1 glass of water and cranberry juice ratio.
avasta 6
homeopathic karma...
bookworm1232 15
Try Cystex, the liquid kind not the pills. It's over the counter. That's what my urologist recommends. Does the "work" that cranberry juice does, but better, and without the calories/sugar.
Dcm210 19
Aww so anal is outta the question? Just kidding, I hope you feel better soon op.
subscript 15
I went running for the first time in a year, it was a competitive 5k after words I had to find an empty building with a toilet to go release the liquid death that was coming from my butt.