Today, after finishing a bottle and a half of pure cranberry juice to flush my bladder for a possible infection, I've been spewing liquid shits all day, my asshole burns, and it hurts to sit. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I'm recovering from a urinary tract infection. The infection made me have to pee constantly. Now the antibiotics I'm taking for it are giving me the shits instead. FML
Today, after being woken up with the intense urge to go to the bathroom, and having gone to the bathroom three times in the last hour, I finally realized I took two laxatives instead of two Midol. My ass is on fire. FML
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML
Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML
Today, I have the flu, food poisoning, and I'm on my period. I have enough liquids pouring out of me from various holes to satisfy a sewer. FML
Today, I have a bad case of diarrhea. The worst part isn’t even sharting in bed while sleeping naked. It’s the severe asshole pain from having to wipe my ass twenty times in twelve hours. FML
Today, after a five day bout of severe chronic constipation, I decided to get some orange juice and increase my water intake. The good news is that I'm no longer constipated. The bad news is that I've got diarrhea now. FML
Today, I stopped taking prescription narcotics for pain, which make you constipated. I also enjoyed a few beers. Because of this collaboration, I had a very painful first turd followed by a flow of burning liquid. I cried. FML
Today, I'm so sick that I'm drinking fluids just to make it hurt less when I puke. FML
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Top comments
jarrettd 27
I know what you're all thinking. Don't you do it. Don't post anything regarding the words "shitty" or the word "situation" in any order At all Ever.
DivTech 7
Taco Bell much?
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Comments (102)
noparlpf 13
I did a report in biochem on cranberries as a treatment for UTIs. You know what works better in most cases? Going to the doctor so you can confirm it's not something worse, and then getting a week of amoxicillin. Also FYI, most "cranberry juice" you buy at the supermarket is actually a mixture of other juices with only a very small amount of cranberry juice in it.
vikky538 29
If you have that much cranberry.. It will be a blood bath for your anus....
Singularity01 9
Cranberry juice doesn't help during a bladder infection, only before. You shouldn't drink a lot all at once or you get diarrhea, as you've found out. Fifty to a hundred mililiters every day is the recommended amount in juice. The pills don't work in the same way, so just skip them. It takes the juice two weeks to properly acidify your urine to be effective.
trucker2 33
Now where were you, say a day or two ago.... Your advice is running a little late.
ChuckWagonn__ 5
well let's be honest it wasn't a shitty situation it was a runny situation ...
puffingonclouds 6
hahahahahawwwwwh
lavapants 15
Thanks for the mental image.
allforfun 23
This isn't the 1700s, go to the doctor. Oh, and a little Desitin will have your butt healed in 24 hours.
rien151 19
take a little bit of baking soda mix it in water and drink it down. it'll clear your kidneys and bladder of infection. Do it in the morning and the evening until you feel better. source I have chronic uti no matter what I do and this helps
Whyismydogcrazy 5
89 - I had them constantly for a little over a year. I'd finish an antibiotic, and within a week, I'd have another uti. This started at the age of 36 after NEVER having one. Then, I gave up lemonade (found out citrus was worse than soda!), and I started taking these pills I got at the health food store, called D Mannose. Google it. It's the one in the white bottle with the blue lid. I've been uti-free since I started taking them last September.
BeenIt 5
Are you on antibiotics?
Ferry043 8
Eat some white bread and a banana..