Today, after a twelve week dry spell followed by an eight week one, I decided to take a bit more initiative at seducing my girlfriend. Not only was she "not in the mood" again, but she offered me Trident Layers gum instead. She apparently thought that it was a fair trade. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to go down on me with chewing gum in her mouth. I spent the next hour and a half getting Orbit out of my pubes. FML
Today, my girlfriend came home with new condoms: Manix Endurance containing a numbing gel designed to help me "last longer". FML
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML
Today, I was trying on lingerie in the dressing room of Victoria’s Secret with my boyfriend next to me. I told my him in a seductive, playful tone “You can stay and watch if you give me a piece of your gum.” He said “No I only have three more” and left the room. FML
Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
Today, I was laying in bed making out with a girl. After trying to figure out for a while why she was spending so much time on my neck it finally hit me. She was frantically and secretly trying to remove the gum she got stuck in my hair. She failed. FML
Today, to show that he really wanted me to shave myself, my boyfriend pretended to go down on me, but instead of following through, he stuck a wad of gum in my pubic hair and got back up. FML
Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML
Today, my wife decided to end our dry spell of four months and started dry humping and kissing me in bed. Things were going well until she orgasmed from the activity and declared that she was too tired to do any more, rolled over, and fell asleep. Five months or bust. FML
Today, I went to my girlfriend's and she was wearing some sexy lingerie. After making out passionately for 10 minutes, I started to undress myself, only to have her stop me, confessed that she still wasn't sexually attracted to me. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
spinky03 7
Maybe you're not doing it right.
Pwib 14
Brush your teeth.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (236)
GoW_Chick 15
Nobody ever gives me trident layers...*sniffle*
Kog_Hiro 17
Don't worry. I never get them either. I would give you Trident Layers GoW Chick.
breeY0 7
i never after reading this everyone was gunna comment about the commercial ha
ballshardnigMC 2
Who wouldnt give her trident layers and more ;)
iAmScrubs 19
I don't know man. It's two flavors of gum in one piece. There's not much else in the world better than that.
Michael_92 20
Yea I could name about a million things better. Haha
RinaVampire31 18
Maybe you should actually talk to her, instead of trying so hard to seduce her.
picturescrazy 24
I never want to be paid in gum /:
charal3_fml 5
Ahah love your profile comment same with me
EpixFai1 1
Getting payed it tridents layers would suck id throw it back and say give me some real cash
riotmaker147 0
haha I too check this out for the intimacy ones:D
Thelnternet 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Use the gum as a condom.
Michael_92 20
This is the best comment "the internet" could come up with....what a shame.
AhmandahAnarchy 5
maybe shes secretly pregnant o.O
Kog_Hiro 17
21- After twelve weeks, surely he could tell if she was pregnant.
Kog_Hiro 17
21- After twelve weeks, surely he could tell if she was pregnant
Kukua 5
20 weeks. 12 weeks followed by 8 weeks. I don't know why the OP didn't just say 20 weeks....
sierra142 19
not necessarily.... most women don't start to look pregnant until about 20 weeks.
desireev 18
That could, very well, be what's going on, in my opinion. When I was pregnant, I lost interest in everything. I loved my man, and still do. I lost interest in sex, doing things together, etc.. That could be a possibility! And all women are different. Every woman starts to show at different times. I didn't start showing until I was 29 weeks along. (Just over 7 months.) OPs significant other could be pregnant.
Kog_Hiro 17
Good point. Serria and Desiree. I was just stating from my POV that most women I know start showing round then, plus there are signs, not just the showing of them being pregnant. But hey, nobody knew my mother was pregnant with me till the day I was born. They thought she was just becoming obese.
desireev 18
149- There is a HUGE lack of communication between OP and his SO. Therefore, she could be having signs if pregnancy but she just isn't telling him. Either way, they need to sit down and have a serious talk FAST! Because, if they don't, their relationship is going to fall apart.
Kog_Hiro 17
201- Agreed
loller27 6
that is some good sh*t
braddah112233 1
FACE!!!!! Hahaha
SoccerGod234 0
Maybe she just doesn't want your limousine parking in her garage?
JamesJohn89 4
Just break up with her, shes obviously sick of your performance.
iimaPrincess 4
Relationships arent always just about sex.
choloman 0
yes they r
OhLohd111 11
It makes me sad when guys (and girls) think that not having sex is a valid reason for dumping someone. Yes, sex is enjoyable and can help a relationship, but it's not a crutch. Talking things through usually clears things up quickly.