Today, after a twelve week dry spell followed by an eight week one, I decided to take a bit more initiative at seducing my girlfriend. Not only was she "not in the mood" again, but she offered me Trident Layers gum instead. She apparently thought that it was a fair trade. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to go down on me with chewing gum in her mouth. I spent the next hour and a half getting Orbit out of my pubes. FML
Today, my girlfriend came home with new condoms: Manix Endurance containing a numbing gel designed to help me "last longer". FML
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML
Today, I was trying on lingerie in the dressing room of Victoria’s Secret with my boyfriend next to me. I told my him in a seductive, playful tone “You can stay and watch if you give me a piece of your gum.” He said “No I only have three more” and left the room. FML
Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
Today, I was laying in bed making out with a girl. After trying to figure out for a while why she was spending so much time on my neck it finally hit me. She was frantically and secretly trying to remove the gum she got stuck in my hair. She failed. FML
Today, to show that he really wanted me to shave myself, my boyfriend pretended to go down on me, but instead of following through, he stuck a wad of gum in my pubic hair and got back up. FML
Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML
Today, my wife decided to end our dry spell of four months and started dry humping and kissing me in bed. Things were going well until she orgasmed from the activity and declared that she was too tired to do any more, rolled over, and fell asleep. Five months or bust. FML
Today, I went to my girlfriend's and she was wearing some sexy lingerie. After making out passionately for 10 minutes, I started to undress myself, only to have her stop me, confessed that she still wasn't sexually attracted to me. FML
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Top comments
spinky03 7
Maybe you're not doing it right.
Pwib 14
Brush your teeth.
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Comments (236)
jellyD 1
Gum is not a trade off for intimacy, commercials lie!
heyred 11
Barring any health or emotional issues, it's time for counseling or the curb.
I_Punch_Babies 7
From what OP is saying she has only let him have her once within a 20 week period. I can almost guarantee shes cheating on him. I know this sounds bad but lets face it. If shes not giving him any shes giving it to someone else and only coming back to him once in a while out of guilt.
blacksswan 10
Pay no attention to her & watch her come begging you for some. Women hate being ignored.
Irakli_1 27
BREAK UP!!!
alexwarfield333 1
No one ever pays me in gum...
roflmaotff 0
You mentioned it was a girlfriend. If that's the case you two obviously aren't sexually compatible she sounds like a sexual prude id trade her in on a new one that's more sexual compatible if I was u cause that sexual frustration will lead to arguments and eventually cheating. People have there needs and if there not being met you will eventually get tired of waiting and find it somewhere els
RadioOctopus 16
I wish I was payed in trident layers!
RadioOctopus 16
But if you're relationship with her is serious, maybe you're one of those relationships where you reach the point where all you do in bed is sleep, if that's the case maybe she just rushed into it.
SoultheWolf 19
If she hasn't ahd sex with you in 20 weeks (that's about five months to you idiots) then there is oviously something going on. Even if you two aren't sexually compatible thats not the problem. Even those who aren't sexually compatiable (like you want it several times a week, she wants it once every month or so), she would still want to have some form of sex during that period of time. She is either 1 cheating on you and getting laid that time or 2 just using her vibrator. Either way this is going to cause major problems. Its going to lead to you cheating on her (if you don't break up). Yes its true, sex is not the only thing about a relationship, but it is a major part of one. A healthy relationship has sex at least once a week, its good for both paretners and their bodies. I'd try talking to her and explaining to her how you really want to have it because its been so long, if she doesn't respect you enough to help (even a bj would be good) then I don't think it is going to work out. And before you think I'm some sex craved guy, I'm not. I'm a girl but I know that everyone, not just men, have their needs.