Today, my son told me that he doesn't need to go to school because he doesn't need a job. It turns out he plans to get a life sentence in prison and live the rest of his life at the taxpayers' expense. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my son's homework was to write a story about what he wants to be when he grows up. He wrote that he plans on being unemployed and living at home until we throw him out, then he'll live under a bridge. He's only 12, but already planning for a future as an unemployed bum. FML
Today, my son's teacher asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. He put down "unemployed". FML
Today, I had to bail my son out of jail, because he's a wimp and wouldn't last a night in there. His crime: pissing through the open windows of passing cars after losing a bet with his friends. I feel like if he gave me grandkids, they'd be born with half a brain. FML
Today, I found out my son was never accepted into the local university two years ago. He actually went out and got a job, and only lied about it so he could keep living in my house rent-free. The conniving bastard makes more than I do at my minimum-wage job. FML
Today, my son actually tried to get out of being arrested by claiming he was “an agent” and unless they let him go, his employers “from the government” would come looking for him and there would be “consequences”. The officers eventually got their breath back from laughing at him. FML
Today, I once again told my son he needed a job and a girlfriend because I simply could not keep him in my house anymore. He yelled, "No, I can do whatever I want!" Then went back to playing video games. He's 38. FML
Today, my dad told me he has money set aside for when he has to bail me out of jail, because "it's bound to happen sooner or later." FML
Today, my son complained that he didn't want to go to school. My husband asked, "Want to swap? You can go work all day, come home tired, and your only reward is a whiny wife and bratty child griping and complaining and expecting you to fix every problem." Part of me died when I heard that. FML
Today, my daughter must be punishing me for something. She's dating a boy who dropped out of high school to “escape the system” and yet loves collecting unemployment benefits, and refuses to read books because he hates not knowing what the characters really look like. FML
Today, I got to see my son's dream of being on television come true. Unfortunately, it was because he'd been arrested for trying to rob a bank. FML
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Top comments
MedChew 19
Well better practice holding onto soaps properly then
clairelaliberte 16
Tell him to move to Sweden or Norway. At least he would be living a stylish criminal life.
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Comments (157)
shupwhup 18
Eh, if you aren't good in school, that's another option.
redhead_sprhro 10
Like communism, this is a good plan on paper, but terrible in the real world
gogo44444 28
I agree with #94, what if he gets sentenced to death?
MonkeeArtz 11
Even if he gets sentenced to death, it'll take a while for him to be killed. He'd still be in prison, and the death sentence would be the most painless, since you don't need to wait as long until death.
Crispy_Gingers 6
Does Canada even have the death penalty?
luststarrr 22
They haven't since 1962.
nournahas 18
Smart
thedell3030 21
Norway has the best prisons
flamingarrow59 21
theyre better than most of our homes
suosi 21
Cept for u d have to commit multipe crimes cuz their maximum sentence is 21 years...
PePziNL 20
There's norway that can be true.
clairelaliberte 16
Tell him to move to Sweden or Norway. At least he would be living a stylish criminal life.
krazayman 18
its funny how everyone on here is being very supportive torwards his goal. imagine what he has to do to get a life sentence
LittleRed79 39
It's a Canadian prison we're talking about here. "Life" sentence? Let's be honest...he'll be out after 20 years or so.
asakadelis 7
Walk into a bank and starts shooting stolen guns with filed serial number into the ceiling while naked threading to kill everyone. No one gets hurt and you have multiple charges against you.
countryb_cth 38
Also pee on a cop when you get arrested and run away from them. That should do the trick.
MedChew 19
Well better practice holding onto soaps properly then
RealSuperSand 21
When you go to prison the most important thing in your life is gonna be booty. A man's butt.
juturnaamo 29
Rape jokes are funny as long as you're joking about men getting raped, I guess.
laden_swallow09 35
It's only prisoners. Not like they matter.
williamcarter93 13
oh sure, prisoners don't matter, because all of them are evil, violent, people who deserve whatever they get/ Get out of here with that fuckery
theplaguedkitten 5
#81 thank you for pointing out that sexist point of view... honestly if feminists didnt have their heads vuried in their asses then sexism maybe could go away instead of switching sides :)
SadLittleTurtle 11
OP, you really need to knock some sense into him.
MrSassypants 34
Don't knock too much sense into him though. You might be the one ending up behind bars if you do that.
SlumMade 13
Or she might be the reason why he gets the life sentence
wallac7 31
Agreed make sure he understands that prison is not a fun place. You don't want him to make bad life decisions. Don't let him get to you, educate him :)
olpally 33
Please tell him he has to get a real job.
SystemofaBlink41 27
Not with his foolproof plan he doesn't.
ellabellaboom 24
Lol because "You have to get a real job" is motivation.
FarmerGirl420 11
better teach him how to make a shank.
Crimsonb312 11
*shiv
Arkaniel 4
Shank is for rapid stab and is short while a shiv is longer and used for swing or one stab twist maneuver.
Lalala579121 28
If his name is Johnny them defending himself from both would be the more prudent teaching.
Kurby14 21
wow... might wanna see about visiting a prison so he can see what a 'wonderful' life that would be. 10 minutes into the visit would change his mind really fast
domolovesyoshi 33
Scared straight as it was
derpyshy 16
Actually, research has been done that indicates that a large portion of kids actually find the program encouraging, and actually do wind up prison despite the attempts to scare them straight.
jellybean888 10
Like if you watch the show scared straight and it does the follow up, they do good for like 2 months and then slip back into their bad old lifestyle
wallac7 31
That actually sounds like a good idea to be honest. Might be slightly traumatizing but I think its worth the risk to make sure he understands.
Kels789 15
I know a girl who was on Scared Straight. She said it was all a joke, and it doesn't help. So she just lied and said she'll change her ways.
arano 29
Can't say I haven't considered it.