Today, after a twelve week dry spell followed by an eight week one, I decided to take a bit more initiative at seducing my girlfriend. Not only was she "not in the mood" again, but she offered me Trident Layers gum instead. She apparently thought that it was a fair trade. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to go down on me with chewing gum in her mouth. I spent the next hour and a half getting Orbit out of my pubes. FML
Today, my girlfriend came home with new condoms: Manix Endurance containing a numbing gel designed to help me "last longer". FML
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML
Today, I was trying on lingerie in the dressing room of Victoria’s Secret with my boyfriend next to me. I told my him in a seductive, playful tone “You can stay and watch if you give me a piece of your gum.” He said “No I only have three more” and left the room. FML
Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
Today, I was laying in bed making out with a girl. After trying to figure out for a while why she was spending so much time on my neck it finally hit me. She was frantically and secretly trying to remove the gum she got stuck in my hair. She failed. FML
Today, to show that he really wanted me to shave myself, my boyfriend pretended to go down on me, but instead of following through, he stuck a wad of gum in my pubic hair and got back up. FML
Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML
Today, my wife decided to end our dry spell of four months and started dry humping and kissing me in bed. Things were going well until she orgasmed from the activity and declared that she was too tired to do any more, rolled over, and fell asleep. Five months or bust. FML
Today, I went to my girlfriend's and she was wearing some sexy lingerie. After making out passionately for 10 minutes, I started to undress myself, only to have her stop me, confessed that she still wasn't sexually attracted to me. FML
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Top comments
spinky03 7
Maybe you're not doing it right.
Pwib 14
Brush your teeth.
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Comments (236)
JD18 0
Seems like your "seducing" is not working too well haha :)
Sparks808 10
Of course you can pay me in new Trident Layers!
loller27 6
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cBlackout 13
Nobody ever pays me gum to not have sex with them :(
Dracoboxer357 36
(Passes over a crate of trident layers gum) Please, whatever you do, Don't have sex with me. Happy? ;)
mrbaker88 0
12 weeks then 8 weeks? She obviously doesnt want you
austineddy13 0
I feel your pain bro
MandyMeow_fml 18
That is very tasty gum.. I would have taken it
Razzle_Dazzle_5 11
I know this is going to get moderated from the all mighty FML team but seriously is there a significant reason these post get thumbed down to hell for the first hour or so lol?
Razzle_Dazzle_5 11
Posts*
xxmel 6
I was thinking the same thing .. All the comments are thumbed down, when there's nothing wrong with them. It looks like people just went down the list and thumbed everything down without reading it.
iAmScrubs 19
The dark lord has risen.
Razzle_Dazzle_5 11
Anarchy lol.
wildcherry1616 0
Dump her.
iimaPrincess 4
Honestly, relationships aren't always JUST about sex. Just because you don't have sex often, doesn't exactly mean she is cheating on you. Sex isn't everything!
Razzle_Dazzle_5 11
Gum < Sex
charmanderCHAR 5
You must have never gotten a good shag before. Sex may not be everything, but it is a HUGE part. How do you think the human race lives on? The cavemen were all about it. Now it's all about 'love' and 'romance'. Bah. Don't get me wrong. I love romance. But Jesus, woman. And where does it ever mention that OP thinks she's cheating on him?
lysx84 24
Though I agree that relationships aren't just about sex, there's a balance to be met. Going months without it is going to affect the intimacy in the relationship.
st0815 9
You've posted that three times now. They basically haven't had sex for 5 months. Of course his relationship isn't about sex. If he wants sex it's time to move on and find someone compatible. Or what do you recommend: stay in an unsatisfying relationship forever?
XxDangerxX 1
no one ever said a relationship was JUST about sex. but sex does help 2 people become closer, feels good and relieves alot of stress
thatdesertdude 7
1. You have never had sex 2. You know nothing about relationships. Pick one...... 12 weeks? Then you have to wait 8 weeks to have sex again? I'm sorry, but unless both people just are not into sex, it will end in disaster. My wife would divorce my ass if I if we only had sex once every two months.