Today, after a twelve week dry spell followed by an eight week one, I decided to take a bit more initiative at seducing my girlfriend. Not only was she "not in the mood" again, but she offered me Trident Layers gum instead. She apparently thought that it was a fair trade. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Time consumed
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to go down on me with chewing gum in her mouth. I spent the next hour and a half getting Orbit out of my pubes. FML
Today, my girlfriend came home with new condoms: Manix Endurance containing a numbing gel designed to help me "last longer". FML
Bored
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML
Today, I was trying on lingerie in the dressing room of Victoria’s Secret with my boyfriend next to me. I told my him in a seductive, playful tone “You can stay and watch if you give me a piece of your gum.” He said “No I only have three more” and left the room. FML
Desperate
Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
Messy girls
Today, I was laying in bed making out with a girl. After trying to figure out for a while why she was spending so much time on my neck it finally hit me. She was frantically and secretly trying to remove the gum she got stuck in my hair. She failed. FML
Today, to show that he really wanted me to shave myself, my boyfriend pretended to go down on me, but instead of following through, he stuck a wad of gum in my pubic hair and got back up. FML
Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML
Today, my wife decided to end our dry spell of four months and started dry humping and kissing me in bed. Things were going well until she orgasmed from the activity and declared that she was too tired to do any more, rolled over, and fell asleep. Five months or bust. FML
Today, I went to my girlfriend's and she was wearing some sexy lingerie. After making out passionately for 10 minutes, I started to undress myself, only to have her stop me, confessed that she still wasn't sexually attracted to me. FML
Top comments
spinky03 7
Maybe you're not doing it right.
Pwib 14
Brush your teeth.
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Comments (236)
Pwib 14
Brush your teeth.
kj51 5
Or get a new girlfriend just sayin.....
cradle6 13
^I agree. They don't seem too compatible. And obviously it's important to him, and not to her.
curlyfry33 8
Everyone here are haters, this is like the only post thats not in the negatives for votes
K_kanaka 26
No ones ever payed me not to have sex with them in gum.
iimaPrincess 4
Relationships aren't always just about sex. Maybe you should try some different techniques on the seducing, though.
ladyLALAA 29
OP said he's taking more initiative in the seducing department. I'm also pretty sure OP knows relationships aren't just about sex as he hasn't had any in 12 weeks.
linstar 13
Sex is pretty damn important in a relationship, going 12 weeks without out is not normal.
nattynatters 14
Kinda agree with 6. I know girls in relationships they didn't know how to end. Cutting them off from sex usually works. Not the best way... But usually effective.
Mauskau 36
That or she's cheating. I'd ask her what the problem was because it feels like she doesn't want him anymore. I'd def ask my bf what was wrong XD
blackheart24 10
No one ever pays me in gum /:
chrisauh 4
Dump her. I would
I_AmTheStig 0
I wish someone paid me in trident layers. :(
Dom925 1
115: Unless her boyfriend is going to kill her and her family if she leaves him, "in a relationship she doesn't know how to end," is just a euphemism for: she is too cowardly to do what is right, or she is so selfish that she is dragging some poor sucker along while she waits for another guy. In either case, it is far beyond "not the best way," and is actually exceedingly cruel.
israelnotjacob 20
Sorry dude but you need to face the facts. Sure some people choose not to have sex when they're only dating, but if she's just cut you off completely after you already had been having sex with no explanation there's only two possibilities: Either she's too cowardly to just break up with you and is hoping this will make you want to do it for her, or she's having sex with someone else. Either figure out what guy friends she seems to be hanging out with more than she used to, or simply tell her to quit being a dam baby and admit she doesn't want to be with you.
spinky03 7
Maybe you're not doing it right.
akajtm11 0
Could be true :/
Incredible_92 11
The relationship that is, sounds like a bad one if it's bothering you and you can't talk to her about it.
thisisafunnyname 12
This could actually be a good thing for OP. If sex=gum, then gum=sex, so he can give her gum to have sex.
cheaptrix 6
130: Hooray for the transitive property. Who knew math would help get me laid?!
Dom925 1
You mean symmetric, transitive is different.
CookieM_fml 4
Where the Colgate at?
amanda_d95 9
Every comment I've seen had at least one thumbs down, just like this one will
yahoowizard 16
Me and my thumbs fixed two of those comments already.
poprocksss73 7
I liked your comment for the cookie monster cupcake
Razzle_Dazzle_5 11
That is fair trade, that gum is a mouthgasm!
AssassinsCRB 0
U go to mbs?
Razzle_Dazzle_5 11
I have absolutely no idea what the abbreviations stand for lol..
Pentium_4 27
haha, that gum is pretty awesome. i'm also curious about mbs
Razzle_Dazzle_5 11
33 probably an Edmonton thing lol I just noticed 18 and me are from the same city...
Pentium_4 27
ohhh gotcha haha. small world
Razzle_Dazzle_5 11
I figured out what the MBS stands for and the answer is no.
n3rd43v3r 10
... no one ever pays me in gum...
rabbittboi 18
4 - Unless OP can perform auto- fellaticia
rabbittboi 18
Ah - screw it... My phone decided to take a life of its own and finish the previous attempt at a post. Before I could make it back to edit, the two minute edit window was gone.
AssassinsCRB 0
Ooh sorry lol it's a school and you kinda look like someone sorry though
AssassinsCRB 0
Ooh sorry lol it's a school and you kinda look like someone sorry though
Qluz 3
I like Stride better
FirstTigerHobbes 13
....And on this day, not one single **** was given
Inheritance 10
Big Red ftw! ;D -jking-
vincenoir 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Dump her! What's the point of the relationship?
KeyboardWarrior 10
Sex isn't all there is in a relationship... Maybe he's doing something wrong, or she could be going through a tough time.
Pentium_4 27
sex is awesome, but if you really love the person you won't force them to do anything
louiseth 9
No, sex isn't everything in a relationship, but it seems as if his girlfriend is repulsed by the idea of having sex with him, which is probably not a good sign. Then again, as you say, she could be going through a tough time or something.
Clamcreepy 7
Sex might not be everything in a relationship but it is a huge part of it. Sex is a way to show your love to your significant other plus sex has a lot of benefits.
Michael_92 20
Am I the only one here that thinks sex isn't a big part!? What about trust, honestly, love. No not showing you love them though sex, that's incredibly dumb. You don't show a person how much you love them by how your sexual life is. Just my two cents but there are FAR more important things.
gkings18 1
You're a weiner
Dracoboxer357 36
Maybe it's just me, but I don't think everyone that says sex is important means that literally: It's more that intimacy is important, and trust, honesty, respect and love are all part of being intimate with your significant other. So yes, I agree with you that sex alone does not constitute a healthy, loving relationship, but not sharing that level of intimacy that you used to with your SO, can be one indicator that perhaps they have lost some of that love or are struggling through a rough patch in their relationship.
Dracoboxer357 36
^Pardon me, my last comment was in response to Michael_92. :) I seemed to have forgotten to include that. ;P
desireev 18
I believe that sex is not everything in a relationship.. But a healthy sex life makes for a healthy relationship with your significant other. Sex is a time when you are bonding and getting out of your comfort zone. You are building trust with your significant other. And sex is a beautiful thing when shared between two people who love eachother. Sex needs to be there! OP, if you haven't had sex in 12 weeks, there's something wrong. She is either pregnant, or losing interest. If you love this girl, you need to talk to her and tell her how you feel. Maybe that's what she is wanting, for you to reach out to her and reconnect with her. Try it! Love is something to be cherished. So save your relationship and talk to her! :)
capper44 18
Well i agree with you #64, but if shes going through some tough time, then should talk to her bf so that he stop being tense that he is doing something wrong... Or else he will get to know straight that wat hes doing wrong...
TheNewGuy03 29
Well, regardless of whether or not sex is important to either partner, to talk about deep-seated issues, as some of you have postulated, is a sign of trust and care for each other. If you can't talk to your significant other about anything, then that's an even worse sign than a dry spell. If both problems are present, it's the equivalent of a five-alarm blaze -- get the **** out. |the kid|
lebronesque73091 12
117- I totally agree with you. People who say sex has no part in a relationship don't know what they're talking about. If you been with them for a long time and love has been well past established, then you should be able to share a bond that nothing else comes close to.
starfuryt550 3
...and the fact is, that if sex isn't part of it, it falls apart. Don't be stupid now and ignore that.
Enslaved 38
If you are doing weeks of having dry spells, she is too ..... or is she?
AlwaysCracked 6
When your partner isn't in the mood alot it's usually because they're either cheating or not interested in you. Which to me are both good reasons to end it.
iimaPrincess 4
42, apparently you don't know what you are talking about.
AlwaysCracked 6
Oh don't worry I do. But thanks for being concerned.
jtthegr8 26
58 is right....
AlwaysCracked 6
Having taken several relationship psych classes I think I have a decent grasp on relationship behaviours. A poor sex life between partners is a red flag towards loss of interest or outlets through other partners. Also 63, 16 years old might be alittle young to know much about relationships. Just saying.
Kukua 5
For someone who knows a lot about relationships, you sure have a black and white view on it. You're reasoning for why they aren't having sex may be sound, but your first reaction to it is to dump her. I pity any girlfriend you might ever get if you're that quick to run from your problems instead of trying to figure out why their there and work through them.
Michael_92 20
@74 what if your relationship isn't all that sexual to begin with? Not every relationship is a textbook thing. Just saying.
desireev 18
Has anyone thought, at all, that OPs significant other may be pregnant? Sounds crazy, but when I was pregnant, I lost all interest in sex and spending time with my man and all the things that couples should do. It wasn't that I didn't love him or anything of the sort, I just lost interest. That, very well, could be what's going on.
Simoneaux17 11
86, so what you're saying is, if you ever get cheated on you would rather work it out than end the relationship?
monnanon 14
@74 for a so called expert on other peoples relationships you seem to have forgotten that stress, illness and depression all play a part in sexual desire. If you are highly stressed chances are you dont want to have sex, same if you are depressed. Maybe OPs girlfriend is hiding things but but cheating more a problem with depression. No doubt this will get thumbed down because i never went to any relationship classes and only have my personal experience of my husbands and I's fluctuating stress levels to go on.
AlwaysCracked 6
I didn't mean to imply I would dump them off the bat and I agree that's a bit harsh. But to be honest, if the answer was that she was cheating, there's not much to discuss with me. But loss of interest entails a talk.
AlwaysCracked 6
138, Stress can cause loss of sex appeal in some but not all. But in this situation it does seem like she's very stressed. I mean shes making a joke with gum. I also never stated myself an expert.
crazyaces89 7
Touché
GoWithTheFro 10
Sorry to say this, but I don't think you two work out OP.
omfg_creepers 8
How bout you split the difference and get a quicky and some gum?
disco2466 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
just cheat on her atleast then you get some
iAmScrubs 19
That's a pretty bad idea.
Zya_fml 8
12 - Screw you, douchebag. I hope karma will hit you really bad. Doing that will get you nowhere in life. Asshole.
Clamcreepy 7
12 - relax, he's not worth it. Assholes are everywhere. *takes 12 to the strip club to release some stress*
Dracoboxer357 36
12- If you're going to do that, then why even bother being with her? OP might as well simply move on without needing to cheat if comes down to that as I'm pretty sure not everyone in a relationship is obliged to have sex regularly. Try being with someone you love, respect, trust and cherish in a relationship, as that sounds like it might be a new experience for you. :p
Pentium_4 27
12, that's the worst advice you can give. you don't deserve the beer in your pic, let me finish it for you
ohmandapants 17
12- you are a disgusting human being. Cheating is never the answer. There is no ******* point to it. If you want to sleep around, then sleep around, whatever, but don't get in a relationship first. Or get out of whatever relationship you're in. You ******* asshole.