Today, after a twelve week dry spell followed by an eight week one, I decided to take a bit more initiative at seducing my girlfriend. Not only was she "not in the mood" again, but she offered me Trident Layers gum instead. She apparently thought that it was a fair trade. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to go down on me with chewing gum in her mouth. I spent the next hour and a half getting Orbit out of my pubes. FML
Today, my girlfriend came home with new condoms: Manix Endurance containing a numbing gel designed to help me "last longer". FML
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML
Today, I was trying on lingerie in the dressing room of Victoria’s Secret with my boyfriend next to me. I told my him in a seductive, playful tone “You can stay and watch if you give me a piece of your gum.” He said “No I only have three more” and left the room. FML
Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
Today, I was laying in bed making out with a girl. After trying to figure out for a while why she was spending so much time on my neck it finally hit me. She was frantically and secretly trying to remove the gum she got stuck in my hair. She failed. FML
Today, to show that he really wanted me to shave myself, my boyfriend pretended to go down on me, but instead of following through, he stuck a wad of gum in my pubic hair and got back up. FML
Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML
Today, my wife decided to end our dry spell of four months and started dry humping and kissing me in bed. Things were going well until she orgasmed from the activity and declared that she was too tired to do any more, rolled over, and fell asleep. Five months or bust. FML
Today, I went to my girlfriend's and she was wearing some sexy lingerie. After making out passionately for 10 minutes, I started to undress myself, only to have her stop me, confessed that she still wasn't sexually attracted to me. FML
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Top comments
spinky03 7
Maybe you're not doing it right.
Pwib 14
Brush your teeth.
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Comments (236)
LivingProdigy 0
On on to the next one :]
desireev 18
I got a million ways to get it. Bring it back! Now double your money and make it stack! I'm on to the next one!
twaumat 28
soooo why are you with her again?
lysx84 24
So, in girlfriend's mind sex with OP is as good as chewing gum? This may be a quality issue rather than a quantitative one...
SPAIDZ 0
Nobody ever pays me in gum :(
goodgood_fml 5
Is there a hygiene problem you're not aware of? Perhaps she can verify this for you. If she confirms, make your dental appts and see if she will be supportive as you work to fix the issue. If she's just not interested, then you have some tough decisions to make. Either stay & br miserable or leave. You're not married (I don't think). Feel free to end it, and try to seek a woman who has a compatible sex drive to yours. Good luck.
coyoteGenocide 0
not everything Is about sex, maybe your pressuring her too much, making her make you wait longer. my girlfriend does the same thing lol
Kog_Hiro 17
Damn. Stupid app posted that twice.
Snafuusmc 12
Talk with her see what the problem is I'm sure your breathe has nothing to do with it. If so then brush! brush! brush! Or Gum.
legitsexbomb 2
That's Gumbelievable. Yes I know it's shit but I tried my best.
Clamcreepy 7
Just go to couples therapy to see what's going. if that's to much try really talking to her on a deeper level ,because I sure you tried to talk to her about sex. you just might have to go a lil bit further to see what's really the problem ,because women love sex just as much as most men. they just aren't as perverted about it like most men.
desireev 18
That's the wisest comment I've seen on this FML so far! A job well done! I commend you! :) *Round of Applause*
Clamcreepy 7
Thanks! :)