Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife told me that getting in the mood to have sex with me is like trying to get in the mood to hit the treadmill. FML
Today, I came home from work tired and horny, and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go make love. While all she had done all day is lay on the couch and watch television, she said, "I'm too tired, why don't you just go into the bathroom and grab a quick wank." FML
Today, after weeks of every excuse not to, my wife wanted sex. It was amazing, and she had at least 3 orgasms. Instead of cuddling afterwards, she got up like someone kicked her and started bitching about all the things she could have been doing, as she got dressed and stormed out. FML
Today, my wife spent all day texting me dirty things so I used some of my holiday hours to come home 3 hours early for some sexy time. During my drive home she got in a bad mood, and no longer wanted sex. FML
Today, my wife asked why I was so grumpy. I admitted that I was horny and sexually frustrated. She went on an hour long tirade about how I "shouldn't need sex to not be a jerk" and how I need to handle my own needs. FML
Today my wife told me she really wanted to have sex, and to wait in bed while she got ready. Turns out get ready means do the dishes, feed the dogs, clean the cat's litter tray, phone her sister, make coffee, shower, and wait for the dryer to dry her pyjamas. By the time she got in bed, I'd fallen asleep. FML
Today, I got off early from work to catch my wife screwing her co-worker in our bed. I ask her what I did to deserve this. She told me she was “lonely” and that he “always makes her feel like a woman,” unlike me. She would come home from work and I would initiate intimacy, but she would decline every time. FML
Today, I rushed home because my wife called to let me know she was feeling horny for the first time after getting over a bad flu. I walked in the door and surprise surprise, her sister had called round, wanting sympathy after her latest fuckbuddy dumped her. Romantic mood ruined. FML
Today, my wife came home from work early and told me she'd been fired. She was really upset so I told her how much she means to me and how much I love her to help cheer her up. She then told me she was caught getting it on with another employee. FML
Today, for the third time this week, I came home to my wife asleep in bed, her pants down, and her vibrator in her hand. She keeps refusing sex because she "isn't in the mood" and insists there's nothing wrong. To rub salt in the wound, I bought her the vibrator as a gift, hoping to spice things up. FML
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Top comments
snakeonthesun 0
that's why she said she was horny! To get you in the mood. was that not enough?
goonie85 0
"Um, you need to get me in the mood." Isn't that something a woman says? Pull out your tampon and **** that woman stupid.
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Comments (116)
skullbashd 3
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
that's funny and a FIRST
sixtimessix 0
I c wut u did thur
lezzyluver 0
haha classic women move
Dwight_A_R_Manag 0
she's a bitch. She must not love you
greendaygirl999 5
YDI for not giving it to her
Daerauko 0
no wonder why it's been weeks. even when she is horny she won't do anything about it but bitch and leave. fyl
PedoBearSaysYES 0
lmfao touché sir. ;) I see what u did and I second it and to me it seems the op just didn't want it cuz if he did he'd jump over an invite like that. like a woman in a bar only has to say she's horny and boom sex. however she sucks for not rubbing up aganst him and saying it in a sexy voice or something :/ so fyl and ydi op
Busterfml 0
Cause men are all battery operated sex toys that immediately respond no matter what and at the drop of a hat. FYL for having a wife who takes you for granted, and good luck re-establishing intimacy w/ your wife. :(
paigeatsflesh 11
that's mean of her.
momof2grls06 0
well when you said that she probably figured that she doesn't get you in the mood anymore, I know my man would gladly help me out no questions asked!
knight0748 5
dude, she already did by telling you she's horny.
flufffypants 0
You probabaly get hot by watching her eat chicken wings douche
ArrowLCMC 0
It's very obvious who is married here and who is still a horny know it all 19 year old. Contrary to popular belief men like to feel special too sometimes when it comes to sex. If a woman had posted "Today my husband told me he was horny and I asked him to help get me in the mood. He sighed and left for work." you guys would be screaming dude was a lazy, chauvinistc, pig, but it's ok for his wife to just wanna be a lazy bitch? None of us know if either party is being attentive soit could be both their faults it led up to this.
MidgetMonster 0
y didn't he pursue her like prey?
RaptorJeezus 1
Just resort to rape, it may be arousing and if the police show up tell them you like kinky stuff!
Kamens 0
#108 looks like snickerdoodles. And #1, that was very clever.
harryman04 0
102 I completely agree. double standards piss me off.
BleuPapillon 0
That sould be ALL IT TAKES to get you in the mood... you're wife saying she really wants to have sex with you. she's saying her body is actually telling her that it won't be happy until she ***** you. You Deserve It for being an idiot.
saladgirl123 0
i hate thats shit y wld u say tht! her sayen tht is enough for you to make next move, thats acomplete turn off
ShadeVII 0
this guy knows the score. believe it or not, once you've had sex with the same partner a few thousand times, you might take a bit more motivation than you did when you were young and hormonal. it's not like op said he wasn't interested. in fact, he pretty much said "let's get started" and she bailed. fyl op
MissOriginal 0
Well don't just sit on ur lazy ass like a king, go initiate something
sublimaze 6
if she was really horny, she would have done something about it. sex with her is proly as exciting as cleaning a toilet bowl
aaliyahsagirah 5
Dude, what is wrong with you? Good luck getting HER in the mood next time. Lemme guess, you were sitting on your ass in front of the TV, stuffing your face, and said that with food still in your mouth? What you said sounded like major rejection, you dumbass.
CallMeHush 1
That does it for me every time!
jdub28 0
when my girl says she is in the mood, I go upstairs also...
YDI_King 0
YDI for not hittin that
rohosoccer08 1
haha even for my marriage that's a while, she didn't feel like working at it though, she wanted him to
Joey7361 0
no dude after marriage women get freaking lazy coz they think they already have the man, its stupid but true. still tho I made my wife call in sick one time coz she was horny, and usually if she's horny she needs to do 90% of the work. it's my house rule lol
darkmis1 18
Why is that a rule, Joey? The work can't be 50/50? You're an idiot! OP: FYL for having a wife who doesn't even want to try. If she's horney, she should at least do SOME of the work.
Joey7361 0
reason is coz when I'm horny I do 95% of the work so why can't she do 90% when she is? did u read my comment right? I said if SHE IS horny well then she has to advance, most girls get horny and are too lazy to do sumthing about it that's all I'm saying.
locomotion 0
I doubt you've been with MOST girls so stop generalizing.
strandedinalimo 0
I've been with MOST girls.
cherry21 5
no you havent.
hey01_fml 0
imao u fail
Melly14398 0
2 WEEKS?? WTF??? I'm sorry for you!
sixtimessix 0
when you're rocking a pair of **** like this chick you could get it everyday
CallMeHush 1
^^^uh huh
malheartsnutmeg 20
Word.
DeeBizz 0
hells yeah ^
Melly14398 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
WTF... why did my comment get deleted??? I didn't even say anything bad! Geez... all I said was damn 2 weeks?? I'm sorry for you!
Melly14398 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
ohh nevermind.. I thought it did! sorry
PedoBearSaysYES 0
lol she could get w.e she wanted if those were real. are they or r they photoshoped? if u r real lol two weeks must be long for u. and to the dude who hasn't got it for years :( fyl so sry for u....
bethan1 4
#8 is only 14
Melly14398 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
YES THEY ARE REAL!! If I was gonna Photoshop my picture, I deff would of made myself beautiful
boreddoubletears 0
Quit fishing. FML is a no fishing zone.
loludeserveit 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
melly, r u not already beautiful?
Chocolate_Chunk 2
Too bad you can't shop yourself smart
windfuelsfire 10
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
wow you're born the same date and yr as my gf, and she has huge ones too.. not relevant at all but I had to say it :p
the_flirttt 8
you look so orange! ompa lompa............
ohmandapants 17
Omg 82 stfu
EvelynnG 0
You're obv a ***** and a ****. Stop fishing for compliments you attention *****.
emilieee_fml 0
and if shes not does that mean you are?
Princessx3Jamie 0
Ouch, she may have fished for compliments which is embarassing on her part but dang now shes a ***** and a **** for being well dressed and taken care of her appearance? That is a little harsh. & for all you guys jumping through hoops over a girl on the web is pretty embarassing on your part too hehe.
22cute 17
I'm sorry for your WIFE!
kattylizbeth 19
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Says the trolling, hypocritical jerk. Get over yourself; bet you're flat chested...? Sincerely, 15 year old C-cup.
kattylizbeth 19
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
^^ that's for 179, btw.
tehman117 21
Really? Do we really need to know your age and cup size?
SkyGuy32 17
^ So many buried posts
AlpacasInTopHats 11
Harsh >_> C is avg and 15 is young just fyi...how about everyone shut up and move on ._.
snakeonthesun 0
that's why she said she was horny! To get you in the mood. was that not enough?
karina_said 0
i agree. i thought, for males, just hearing the words got him in the zone.
SBone_fml 0
Lol, women can be so ignorant.
silverskin 1
I dunno...I'm assuming he wanted a handjob or a ******* to kick things off? When I'm asked, it's not the same as when I just go for it. I don't believe she thought she could just hop on and take him for a ride. But hearing someone say, "I need you to excite me first" might've killed it for her. It would for me.
SomeonethingStup 0
Love the double standards with women. Roles were reversed here they would be all "You deserve it for thinking she should do you whenever you want".
gorgeousmami33 0
shit. that's a long tiime. but you suck. you lose.
Richard343 0
FAIL
bigpapi210 0
man what a chump, your the man take control of the situation.
goonie85 0
"Um, you need to get me in the mood." Isn't that something a woman says? Pull out your tampon and **** that woman stupid.
bastardbologna 0
lol 18. When my wife tells me she's horny, I'm almost DONE! Maybe it would help you be "in the mood" if your wife had a pair of balls instead. FYL, it must suck to be married to a horny chick when all you wanna do is smoke some pole.
rhythmbandit 0
I agree with these people! she probably just wanted you to grow a pair and take her. I know it turns me on, anyways