Anonymous
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, a hooker refused my custom. According to her, "Even whores have standards." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
Iowa Park, United States
Today, I got mugged by a fake hooker. FML
anonymous
Calgary, Canada
Today, my boyfriend and I were downtown when he pointed to a girl and said he wished I dressed more like she did. She was obviously a hooker. FML
pst
South Africa 🌶️ Spicy
We need a break
Today, the hooker I have been seeing regularly for almost a year texted me to say she thinks we should no longer see each other again. I just got dumped by a hooker. FML
Pugsley
Australia 🌶️ Spicy
Today, for my birthday, I found out I'm too ugly even for a hooker to have sex with me. FML
Anonymous
Lemont, United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML
Xena
Soliciting
Today, I was at our hotel waiting for my husband to finish his shower so we could have our anniversary dinner, when hotel security forcefully removed me from the building because they do not allow "prostitutes" to look for clients on their property. They thought I was a hooker. FML
Anonymous
🌶️ Spicy
Sex work is real work
Today, I just found out my best friend is a hooker. I just thought she worked nights and had terrible taste in clothes. FML
UnicornPancake
Today, I had to dress like a diva for a drama performance and my friend said I looked like a hooker. Then someone said, “If hookers looked like that, they wouldn't get any money." FML
Anonymous
Vietnam
Today, I checked into a hotel because my boss had assigned me to a new position. As soon as the reception lady looked up, she had me kicked out of the hotel. Apparently, one of the regulations is, "No prostitutes allowed." I was wearing a business suit. FML
Anonymous
United States
Today, I was driving back home after hanging out with some friends. I drove pass a woman standing next to a broken down car. I felt bad, so went back and offered her a ride home. Turns out it wasn't her car and she was a hooker. FML
Top comments
hailphire130 0
Give her some more money then. Bitches love money.
FMLollie 7
The way this FML is written it's so formal can you imagine how he would go up to her! "Excuse me miss, I would like to purchase your services in sexual pleasure."
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Comments (284)
Sydnayy 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You'll never get laid.
Dalliance 4
Don't be so sure. Besides, how do you know the OP hasn't gotten laid before?
tylersign 11
1, you go to Hogwarts? How's Dumbledore doing?
xoconnie 8
u must be ugly
Friaza 29
Well I guess even scum has standards.
MichellinMan 20
God damn hookers!
zbajis 7
Hey 32 you gotta hooker like photo. So do hookers really have standards? Mine don't.
hakaman_fml 0
I read that she lived in Hogwarts, England and realised that I was worse by knowing that Hogwarts is based in Scotland.
8sq 13
29 WTF why would they be ugly?
BrianAlarcon 0
Agreed(:
xoconnie 8
lmao! just an educated guess by the reaction of the hooker and good burn 45.
SunnyUserName123 5
Funny, i just watched a **** vid named scum :P
jake3292 5
Hey 55 if it's not you it's not true
enonymous 9
EVEN GATOR'S BITCHES HAVE STANDARDS AND BEST BE USING JIMMIES
PhillyEagles 0
32- quit being a ****
abdullahfive 8
I won't judge but can see before pics before I support yuh :p
enonymous 9
32 Jesus is not an asshole. He rides raptors and turns water into ruffiecoladas. he is clearly awesome
jizzwold 21
With a name like Canadianbabe420 and the picture I'd say 45's assumption was spot on.
JPChiQYaya 0
i love all your comments .
coffeygirl12 14
Its ok, u dont want her STDs anyway.
MILFSaregood 7
Hookers are people to OP ik i use to think they were majestical creatures.
mboehm88 3
Are you Carrot Top?
MyMilkShake2Yard 0
Wait they're not!???
FMLollie 7
The way this FML is written it's so formal can you imagine how he would go up to her! "Excuse me miss, I would like to purchase your services in sexual pleasure."
Aim4thebullseye 4
Im sure he will in time. One day he'll find his perfect woman that loves him the way he is... Maybe. If she's blind. Deaf too. maybe out of options too. But she'll love him the way he is!
PutItIn 8
Instead of I Just Had Sex, you'll be more like the remix I Just Held Hands on YouTube.
woahbro2slow 0
OP deserves it for asking his mom to have with him in the first place ! ohhh ! burnn:)
StoryOfTheYear 15
****** are people too!
ambowew 7
If it wasn't for date rape I'd never get laid.
raspackman 0
I just made eye contact lol
eckksDeeitsTravi 0
1. Will you sleep with me?
theninja1800 11
Haha
KMFiredancer 0
156 - Ok, really? As much as it's funny to make immature your mom jokes from time to time, that time has long since passed when it was cool to pass your mom around.
ballroomg 0
u are hot;)
andres19 0
Forever Alone
nagbackdive 0
You're dumb.
SnailJamsss 6
You're funny!! Baha.
TGRandom 5
OP is probably a virgin. To the sane extent as my olive oil. Extra virgin.
darkflight 3
With a British accent
techweed 12
I'm sorry, but could anyone explain what this FML means?? Thanks
boredmex01 2
damn ur cute
HelloFeesh 0
Ouch, but you totally deserved it :S
omgcookeys 15
How is it their fault they look a certain way??
HelloFeesh 0
getting denied by the hooker, he asked her in the first place.
tatababe 1
OP did deserve it he hired a hooker in the first place just get a gf or wife
Imgonnahaveabf 9
YDI for getting a hooker, you desprate STD magnet.
clumsylittleme 11
OP.. Sucks that you got denied by a hooker. But, YDI for hiring one in the place.
FreakoHolm 6
Why do people worry so much about getting STDs from hookers? I mean, are condoms illegal where you all live?
DrIDGAF 7
Theres plenty of fish in the sea my friend
MagicallyFat 12
What does he mean by "she refused my custom"
maskedman 9
I don't think it's the smell he's worried about.
minty1807 9
I think if he could get fish... He wouldn't need a proffessional to start with...
BelleBelle_fml 11
#22- It means he approached her wanting to pay her for her 'services' and she refused him because apparently even ****** have standards.
kut19 6
********** with a fish? Kinky...
faithxoxox 1
And they smell just about the same. (;
giggleprincess 0
Unless the fish happened to be in the oil spills...
Sportsfan86 3
Like blowfish
NewWoelins 4
There's also a bunch of hoes in the street.
n_epic_fail 14
more like plenty of fish in the tiny pond that will accept such low standards.
XxgreymoonxX 8
I like how the guy who posts 'there are many fish in the sea' has a pic of a cat as his profile pic x3
XxgreymoonxX 8
I like how the guy who posts 'there are many fish in the sea' has a pic of a cat as his profile pic x3
aFatFuck 0
That there is my friend...and sometimes you have to resort to catching rotten tuna..
newzealand 28
Mermaids ??
bizarre_ftw 22
Not for him apparently
deadlymine3 0
o yes cuz there's plenty of prostitutes out there
Creamysweeps 5
FYL dude
hailphire130 0
Give her some more money then. Bitches love money.
countrydevil 6
my mom is a wonderful woman, thank you
MCVelvet1497 3
Are you trying to be funny? Or is your mom a bitch?
Matias_Says_FML 4
Yea, so then she can knock your ass down by surprise and run with your money!
assim 7
That's why u tie her down
emodude44 0
I like the way you think. Tie down the hooker, have your way then let her go. Now she can't steal your wallet when you go to sleep!
ollierobs 0
"Bitches also love sonnets" -Shakespeare
eurostar710 11
Jesus, you people are ****** up lmao.
iliketosneeze 5
Ahahahahaha
stephan18 23
239- nice pic there Oo..
diva_lulu 0
u totally deserved it haha :p but that's sad
funkyspacemonkey 0
Yep he's a loser
LilTiki559 13
how..da ****.? did the monkey, take a bite out of that banana..?? with his helmet on..
hailphire130 0
And why does the monkey have a helmet on its tail?
RakaI 8
She's not a very good *****, is she?
ilikeapplejuice 7
You don't need her STDs anyways
Androidz 0
And other loose things if you know what I mean
Hammer940 7
High standards and loose morals. Love it.
tweetypie 18
More like loose ******
Gelski58 2
Well put
achic 0
awesome!!! exactly. that's why god gave you hands.
DrJesse 10
Everybody who's anybody has VD.The free clinic is the new VIP section.
KiddNYC1O 22
Well, everybody knows somebody that knows somebody that knows somebody.
YaboyVinnie 21
And that's where the B-rated comedy starts.