Today, a guy asked me why I'm single. As a joke, I told him that not only do I have a penis, but that it's so large that most men are intimidated by it. He wasn't impressed. And I actually wonder why I'm single. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that the size of a man's penis is not proportional to his height. He was insecure because he's 5'6" and assumed everyone taller had a bigger penis than him. He's 30. FML
Today, my new boyfriend asked to know the penis size of every other guy I’ve been with. There are a lot. FML
Today, a girl from my college, who's been following me around for months, finally asked me out. Not being interested, I politely declined. Now she's convinced everyone that we hooked up and that I have an incredibly small penis. FML
Today, the subject of penis size came up while my boyfriend and I were chatting. He asked if he was big, and I replied that whatever size he was, he was enough to satisfy me. Apparently, that was the wrong answer, and he spent the rest of the night sulking because I didn't say he was enormous. FML
Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs. One made me laugh out loud as my room-mate was passing by the bathroom. He now tells everyone my penis is so small it makes even me laugh every time I see it. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend about his views on personal growth. He replied, "What, you mean dick size?" FML
Today, I was complimented on how big my penis was. I was complimented by the guy peeing next to me in the men's restroom at McDonald's. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me the reason he can't keep an erection while we have sex is that I'm not attractive enough. FML
Today, I was feeling a bit insecure about my body, and I told my boyfriend I don't know how he can even stand to have sex with me. He replied, "I know, right?" FML
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Top comments
notjustanybody20 9
i wonder too. i like your sense of humour!
whitekid1497 7
It doesn't matter how big a girl's penis is, if she had a penis of any size I would be intimidated
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Comments (145)
afropuffjake 9
YDI for being too damn cool for that person :-) and unfortunately everyone in your area it seems... Might wanna relocate to a more funny-bone friendly area XD
BroeCell 2
A girl with crazy humour :-) great :-) so why are you single then ? :-)
Roxxxxay 13
I hate when people ask that. Like what are you supposed to say? "because I'm a bitch when you get to know me better" or "because I'm too awesome for most of you"? I like your answer, op!:)
l0v3p4in 7
Or " . . . because I'm a closeted Poe enthusiast, copycat serial killer." That's definitely the honey to attract the flies, hmm?
cetlawizard 15
Lol...you sound EXACTLY like my younger sister. YDI!
SherbertLemon 1
My friend does this all the time. There is actually a story behind the origin and adventures of her penis. :/
Moobug 4
OP, if you're actually actively looking for a guy (you might not be, and I don't want to assume), from the above comments it sounds like you could set up a new email, post it in the comments and await introductions from suitors ;)
Feartheunknown 4
How to get the guy; claim your dick is bigger then his. YDI
day624 14
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day624 14
This is why you are single my love
perdix 31
The key to humor is to know your audience. In the context of flirting, your joke is offensive and shows that you have no social skills. Some people might like your joke at a different place and time, but the way your delivered it was inappropriate. The next time you meet a guy, ask him about his salary and his religion right away. Guys love that!