Today, I was complimented on how big my penis was. I was complimented by the guy peeing next to me in the men's restroom at McDonald's. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was peeing at a urinal, when the man next to me finished up and shook his penis. I got splashed. FML
Today, I went to dinner with my friend and his family. I went to the men's room at the same time as his father, and as we peed next to each other in adjacent urinals the father looked over at me and said, "Don't worry, I've seen smaller." FML
Today, I went into the men's restroom and started peeing in a urinal next to a middle-age man. As he zipped up and walked away, he said to me, "Don't worry, it'll grow." FML
Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs. One made me laugh out loud as my room-mate was passing by the bathroom. He now tells everyone my penis is so small it makes even me laugh every time I see it. FML
Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom. The guy in the urinal next to me was making loud sounds of discomfort. I ignored him and finished up. I turned around to be greeted by his red swollen beehive of a crotch, and him asking, "Is my penis supposed to look like this?" FML
Today, I went into the women's bathroom and was warmly greeted by a man masturbating on one of the sinks. FML
Today, I used a public toilet. After I did my business in the stall and walked out, I was confronted by the sight of a man standing on tip-toes, holding his penis up to the automatic hand-dryer. Doubt I'll get that image out of my head any time soon. FML
Today, while I was at a urinal, a man came up to use the one next to me. He then said, "I guess this is where all the dicks hang out." He then stared at me until I left. FML
Today, at the urinal a guy came up next to me to do his business. He stared over at me, looked down, laughed and then left. FML
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Top comments
Livinia 11
Would you rather him give you a random hand job?
alicianoar 7
Congrats on the big penis bro.
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Comments (331)
Livinia 11
Would you rather him give you a random hand job?
Aim4thebullseye 4
shit ya free hand jobs are the best handjobs
ReptarRAWR23 0
Yeah really who pays these they give them out like happtmeals!
PaRTy4LyFe 0
I give the best:)) look at my info and find me on facebook!
countrygirl81 9
Was he "Lovin' it"?
ReptarRAWR23 0
••Days
Awsumuzzie 12
isn't that what you're supposed to do when you find a package you like? grab the heck out of it?
gabstahhh 8
Well that's somethin to be proud of.
gabstahhh 8
Number 20 really knows how to bring class to a conversation about handjobs...:)
FiestaInMyPants 8
Was there any class in the first place?
mismonroe 0
#49- A classy hand job convo.. Is that an oxymoron?
gabstahhh 8
that was the point haha.
swimchica22 0
A compliment is a compliment...no matter how weird O.o
toastyjustice 5
I wish I got complimented on how big my penis is...
lyssaisyourgirl 7
hahahahahaah
enonymous 9
McHand jobs are the best. order some fries and head straight to the the restroom..
Davyy 0
What if it's a girl?
FiestaInMyPants 8
Then I doubt her name would be Fmlguy..
6joe9 0
#26 nice 1 :p
goshpeople 4
The handjob wouldn't be random if there was any kind of reason or aim behind it. For example, if he would only give a handjob to a well-hung guy, it isn't random. And you should've said "he" instead of "him". Yeah, yeah, pedantic annoying Grammar-Nazi post, but you really should know these things. You don't seem entirely stupid.
CryMoreFMLs 15
#20 just broadcasted she's a *****. Lovely.
omgwtfbbq69 5
#20 *****...
boyd30 2
hi
juicedboi 7
If another guy will admit it's big, you shouldnt be having any issues amongst the ladies. - 1 you remind me of Selena Gomez
tae123 0
that makes no sense at all since you do have to pay for happy meals...
tjsomethin 9
I guess OP is a big mac
zojieeu 6
that is so gay
ripgeorgecarl1n 7
"Hey dude, nice penis."
AbuelaGrande 0
What!!!!! Que cosa mas fea!!!!! callate!!!!!!¡¡¿¿,…3¢€§@„:/¡'
DynamicDave 11
Lol, as I read this there was a McDonald's commercial on TV.
shelbygordon44 7
182- English please....
rocketeer_97 1
149- That IS Selena Gomez.
RyanFlynn123 0
wow
SneakherHead 5
For a second I thought that was a picture of you lol fooled me
WingsOfLegion_fml 0
umm that's uh not going to happen
detective_oreo 0
you are really cute!
Termites 15
What the guy actually said "Whoa man, your dick's so big it's folded against the wall and spraying back at you...bet you don't use your hands to flush either.."
allthatremains25 0
we're not the ones who seems stupid. it's the people like you who actually give a damn on "correct" grammar on an FML site that seem stupid.
allthatremains25 0
*118
rubypeterson 2
Agreed.
names101 0
how do I message liviania ?
sweetcheeks1624 0
lol that's what I was thinking:):)
Termites 15
chunky
thepersonyouknow 9
lol number 26
x_the_lancer_x 13
Order a McDick with that too.
deafeningsilence 8
That must be awkward.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Tell him this ain't Subway and that ain't no five dollar foot long... it's ten ;D
ImaWiseGuy 5
haha, don't lie you know he "stroked" your ego...
OceanBreathesSal 5
I bet he was the only person to see OPs penis.
iSitt 0
was he a republican congressman?
guitarman1998 0
2, your picture is awesome!
GlobalElephant 16
Sound funny coming from the mouth of a pedobear :p
Fmyspam 0
What a wonderful excuse to joust!
ISinSoDoYou 0
your profile picture made me shit myself
alicianoar 7
Congrats on the big penis bro.
CareFace 16
I boast about my penis subtly, also.
johnson94 5
welcome to the club, the big penis club!
Truth_Nazi 0
There is no club, if there is I should definitely be in it. Also, a compliment of penis size coming from a fat guy? The chub probably can't even find his.
thefriendlyc 0
59 obviously has a millimeter wiener
yohooooooo 5
the only club 59 belongs in is the itty bitty penis committee.
dj_tricky 0
I always thought it was Millimeter Peter. Ahah!
cesfire 0
holy crap theres a ghost beside you
Goldberg1102 0
^ LMFAO
iloveparc 0
hahahahahaha
yohooooooo 5
actually 274 I am the "ghost"
alexhoen 0
... AWKS.
CremeEggs 6
Actually, usually when a penis is large on the flop, it doesn't grow much from there. Just saying.
runtodarkness 0
did he shake it for you, too?
PaRTy4LyFe 0
well...is it 12 inches (:
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
16- I'm guessing you're a guy who got dumped by the girl in your profile, so in retaliation you sign up to websites like FML to comment and make her look like a ****? if not then, please, get some class.
k8izgr8_fml 0
either that or she's really 300 lbs overweight and has never been close to or seen an actual penis. either way, it's pathetic
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
My point exactly. She's probably some pedo that is trying to get people to add her on FB.
BigFudge 2
Creepy, but not an FYL.
NYC_Yoshi 3
supersize me
daisyloo 7
^^^Hahaha:)
lonewolf6613 4
and the winner of the epic win prize goes to...(drum roll)... 6!!!!!!!! :)
cynthiaF 0
FTW :)
Haterman123 0
lol
sportsmaniak13 3
haha ill take some
Y0urfwend 0
haha
NastyNinja31 0
a large mcweiner
fml98kevin 4
haha saw dat movie 2dayy
lalallamas 0
he's just jealous.
jellitonoctopus 19
No.
teentee401 37
If he was jealous why would he compliment it?
instnt1nfction 17
how big was his?
Trupe 3
That's a very good question....
WingsOfLegion_fml 0
the **** uh a no
pepelapew 0
creepy
The_Fonz_fml 0
it may be creepy but that's kind of how john holmes got his start
brbgirl 0
awkward.... but at least he commented on how big it was, not how small.