Today, a guy asked me why I'm single. As a joke, I told him that not only do I have a penis, but that it's so large that most men are intimidated by it. He wasn't impressed. And I actually wonder why I'm single. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that the size of a man's penis is not proportional to his height. He was insecure because he's 5'6" and assumed everyone taller had a bigger penis than him. He's 30. FML
Today, my new boyfriend asked to know the penis size of every other guy I’ve been with. There are a lot. FML
Today, a girl from my college, who's been following me around for months, finally asked me out. Not being interested, I politely declined. Now she's convinced everyone that we hooked up and that I have an incredibly small penis. FML
Today, the subject of penis size came up while my boyfriend and I were chatting. He asked if he was big, and I replied that whatever size he was, he was enough to satisfy me. Apparently, that was the wrong answer, and he spent the rest of the night sulking because I didn't say he was enormous. FML
Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs. One made me laugh out loud as my room-mate was passing by the bathroom. He now tells everyone my penis is so small it makes even me laugh every time I see it. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend about his views on personal growth. He replied, "What, you mean dick size?" FML
Today, I was complimented on how big my penis was. I was complimented by the guy peeing next to me in the men's restroom at McDonald's. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me the reason he can't keep an erection while we have sex is that I'm not attractive enough. FML
Today, I was feeling a bit insecure about my body, and I told my boyfriend I don't know how he can even stand to have sex with me. He replied, "I know, right?" FML
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Top comments
notjustanybody20 9
i wonder too. i like your sense of humour!
whitekid1497 7
It doesn't matter how big a girl's penis is, if she had a penis of any size I would be intimidated
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Comments (145)
notjustanybody20 9
i wonder too. i like your sense of humour!
SkoomaKi 28
But it's that humor that scares off guys! OP if you find a guy who likes your humor, it's a start.
swankmrpancake 8
It doesn't scare off all guys some find it amusing and like a girl who's not to afraid to make a joke
KatherineAnne 7
Me too! I say stuff like this all the time and I'm almost never single.
siickman 7
Well 27... You gotta be doing something wrong because you make it sound like you date 3 guys a month....
encephalopathy 3
I would have asked you to prove it.
LoveMay 10
OP, it's probably statements like these that keep guys away from you
chel325 2
He just has penis envy.
Dukekamono 5
Not very open minded was he?
ChilLaxBro 0
Haha -69
xxBFMVAAMIWxx 18
Actually I'd love it if a girl said something like that in retaliation, that's a nice joke to have. OP, don't worry, some of us do actually like a girl who can joke
KILLERTOAST13 4
You got no game
KiddNYC1O 22
Girls don't really need game.
alexup24 13
she has no players?
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
60- not all guys are just horny animals looking for sex at all times. Some of them even want to date a girl to actually get to know her
Kenton1008 21
Dumbass. ^
deadrising084 1
121-will always be forever alone
ArmedcrackerR6 8
Two dicks don't make it right.
DeesFMLs 0
Are you being homophobic? *shakes head*
DomDomxoxo 16
At least you have a good sense of humor!
Calyx_fml 22
She actually wasn't joking.
aBigWiener 4
What were you trying to pull off?
thejewishfuhrer 17
Obviously she was trying to intimidate him with her large penis.
br0ccoli 15
LOL
instnt1nfction 17
Is that actually you, or white Obama with hair?
SkoomaKi 28
63 - Go sit in a corner and think about what you just said.
alexdefran 0
His pants.
Aniki_Sohma 20
Haha
eliwalks 0
If that's the way you do it. I'm not judging. We all do weird shit lol. -_-
studdmuffin1990 7
I would have laughed at that And then asked you to hang out sometime. don't worry that guy just has no sense of humor, who wants to date a robot?
JoeSaysSsso 2
who wants to date a guy with 8 watches?
obsydian_fml 3
Watches are sexy
xk75 4
That question the guy asked was rude anyway- its a variation on hey why doesn't anyone love you? it just sets the person being asked that question in a super awkward spot.
studdmuffin1990 7
I have more than 8 watches, and girls like guys with good fashion sense
CadillacPimpen 6
I'd rather rock a Johnny dang watch than those
ladyLALAA 29
I agree with 75, but I won't be impressed until you're wearing all of the watches!
studdmuffin1990 7
83- that's all I could fit! I think 8 is impressive haha
maskedman 9
Did someone mention dating a robot? I would love to date a robot. A wonderful female sex robot.
Fx13mz 7
Quit bragging about your huge dick then!
pompousjackass 10
you sound awesome. I'd date you.
bramberkhout 10
My thoughts exactly
whitekid1497 7
It doesn't matter how big a girl's penis is, if she had a penis of any size I would be intimidated
nofearjenshere 12
I have a penis... Be afraid...
whitekid1497 7
Thanks a lot. I have to change my pants now. I think I may have nightmares too
sherwood08 0
I wouldn't be afraid ????