Today, a guy asked me why I'm single. As a joke, I told him that not only do I have a penis, but that it's so large that most men are intimidated by it. He wasn't impressed. And I actually wonder why I'm single. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that the size of a man's penis is not proportional to his height. He was insecure because he's 5'6" and assumed everyone taller had a bigger penis than him. He's 30. FML
Today, my new boyfriend asked to know the penis size of every other guy I’ve been with. There are a lot. FML
Today, a girl from my college, who's been following me around for months, finally asked me out. Not being interested, I politely declined. Now she's convinced everyone that we hooked up and that I have an incredibly small penis. FML
Today, the subject of penis size came up while my boyfriend and I were chatting. He asked if he was big, and I replied that whatever size he was, he was enough to satisfy me. Apparently, that was the wrong answer, and he spent the rest of the night sulking because I didn't say he was enormous. FML
Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs. One made me laugh out loud as my room-mate was passing by the bathroom. He now tells everyone my penis is so small it makes even me laugh every time I see it. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend about his views on personal growth. He replied, "What, you mean dick size?" FML
Today, I was complimented on how big my penis was. I was complimented by the guy peeing next to me in the men's restroom at McDonald's. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me the reason he can't keep an erection while we have sex is that I'm not attractive enough. FML
Today, I was feeling a bit insecure about my body, and I told my boyfriend I don't know how he can even stand to have sex with me. He replied, "I know, right?" FML
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Top comments
notjustanybody20 9
i wonder too. i like your sense of humour!
whitekid1497 7
It doesn't matter how big a girl's penis is, if she had a penis of any size I would be intimidated
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Comments (145)
superfluffy 1
whoo hoo for penis envy
onorexveritas 24
sounds like something I would say xD most guys appreciate a girl with humor...they'll come around
TheRealBrianGrif 7
Meg?
ice723 5
let's go out
twisted_cherub 14
OP, everyone knows the bigger you say your penis is, the less impressive it really is. He just didn't want to be disappointed. But seriously, I love the way you think. Keep it up and you'll get one super awesome guy someday.
meridius4510 4
You're an idiot.
idontknowyou123 0
Are you Lady Gaga?
perdix 31
Your sense of humor is horrible. The vast majority of guys will find you repulsive and not at all cute or charming. Now, if you are looking for a guy who's into she-males, your plan could work, but it would be very inefficient. If you're looking to share a fetish, hit Craigslist. So, how big is your penis?
ALpein 0
Swing and a miss.
chili10 18
I have to agree. I find the girls who joke like that and say things like "suck my dick" to be really immature.
perdix 31
What's the problem? All I'm saying is that there's a time and a place for "blue" humor, and during the opening moments of meeting someone isn't it.
muFilter 19
Yeah, because (to be fair) if roles were reversed and a guy answered a girl with "I have a pussy and most girls are intimidated by how tight it is", the majority of girls probably wouldn't immediately be thinking he's a keeper.
SlightlyUnstable 6
I have to agree with perdix. Even though I find this funny as well, I don't really think it's something that should be said to someone you don't know all that well. With friends? Sure! But other than that, no.. It's true that the guy asked a stupid question which deserved a smart-ass reply. But I personally would not go to this extent.
erin37 27
Um that's just rude. She shouldn't have to change herself to get guys to like her. Just because you don't appreciate her sense of humour doesn't mean no one else will.
barksdalescott 11
"She male" is actually a very offensive, transphobic term. The correct term is trans woman.
RedPillSucks 33
It's all in the delivery. If you said it with a straight face, he may not have realized you were joking. Next time, try winking or somehow telegraphing that you're joking. Either that or lead with a less male threatening joke. Guys looking for women are not generally looking for a penis, and wont admit to it in public even if they are cool with that.
JMichael 26
I woulda laughed it off and asked you out for your amazing sense of humor:)