Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me a blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML
Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, my wife surprised me with a blow job. Turns out it was a punishment for not doing the washing, as she did it with Chilli powder in her mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML
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Top comments
genius_man16 1
She was the one who wanted to bribe you. WTF is her problem?
pat2rome 0
Her fault for not swallowing. FYL
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Comments (192)
luvbird1 0
ya well let ur unexperienced step dad peirce ur tongue lol it was a stupid choice
thebigslim 13
She is doing it all wrong if it got on her dress.... it is supposed to be in her mouth =P
dk_fml 0
Guess she should've swallowed!
I_am_stupid_also 6
If they say something, just tell her parents you gave their daughter a pearl necklace.
tgirl729 0
rofl @ 93
lgibs 0
thats really sad that she felt she needed to bribe you do do something with a sexual act to be good around her parents
starvingxartist 0
she had to bribe you to be good? ydi for being a dick, but fyl for having a girlfriend who's enough of a dumbass to put up with that kind of shit.
kristennnn 0
Why would she wear a black dress if there was a chance that something like that would happen? But even if you did come on her dress then I think it was a little harsh for her to punch you in the sack. She could of just said oh well and changed her dress...
Daysgoby 0
First of all,she is not obligated to swallow. Second of all, she might have bought this dress for this special occasion, and thirdly, if they were in a rush for dinner and he demanded the ******* BEFORE they went, then it isn't her fault if she doesn't have time to change. He should behave regardless, ESPECIALLY if it's her parents.
Just_Effed_Up 0
hahahahaha wow, that must've really sucked.... no pun intended
Sambo110 0
How old are you to have to be bribed to be good...