Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me a blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML
Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, my wife surprised me with a blow job. Turns out it was a punishment for not doing the washing, as she did it with Chilli powder in her mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML
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Top comments
genius_man16 1
She was the one who wanted to bribe you. WTF is her problem?
pat2rome 0
Her fault for not swallowing. FYL
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Comments (192)
aznbillybob4sho 0
haha I think this is cute (:
Tsukasa_fml 0
Yep. If she'd kept a tight seal with her lips this wouldn't have happened. ...this was supposed to be a reply to #7.
clm09 0
hahah thats hilarious you guys must have a great relationship. did she go to dinner like that?
THCxLSDxXTCxDMT 0
Smack that bitch in the ****
Ms_Thingie 0
LOL punched u in the balls :) it's ur fault for having to be bribed umm....... it's kind of a stupid question but what happens when u swallow it ??? Just curious
Sawadee 0
you will have a baby
FreedomFirst 0
What the hell is wrong with her? Sounds like you need a girlfriend who doesn't want you to be her personal puppet. Get rid of her.
intothevoid612 0
why didn't you just cum in her mouth? Men don't spit out the woman's fluids when we go down on them! They should return the favor.
withered 30
#97 Let us hope you do not breed or that your children will have the privilege of going to a good school where they will get common sense, if they already won't see an example of one in you.
Hjelloo 0
Should have gone for the money shot.
18legalawesome 0
Wait a minute, why is she rewarding you before the event? Shouldn't it be the other way around?
Dragonmouth 4
I hope you behaved very badly at that dinner.