Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me a blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML
Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, my wife surprised me with a blow job. Turns out it was a punishment for not doing the washing, as she did it with Chilli powder in her mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML
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Top comments
genius_man16 1
She was the one who wanted to bribe you. WTF is her problem?
pat2rome 0
Her fault for not swallowing. FYL
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Comments (192)
IndigoKitty 3
Ok... she shouldn't have been wearing the dress, and how did it end up on it? she either spat and failed or you somehow missed her mouth which seems pretty impossible. what concerns me is..she had to bribe you to be good when visiting her parents? wtf?
Vanita 1
YDI for having to be bribed into being nice. But she deserved it as well, on many levels: Why was she wearing the dress while doing it, why didn't she aim better? Punching you in the nuts was definitely wrong. Aaand rewards should be given out afterwards, when they've been earned.
dezzr 0
relax guys, he probably didnt want to get dressed up. how many of you dread meeting/spending time with your gf/bf parents. shes the bitch that didnt swallow and she punches him right after he nutted. thats just cold
BBat_fml 0
what a bitch she should swallow
DoctorManhattan 0
Wow. Your girlfriend has to bribe you with sexual favors to not be a douchebag. You're seriously the worst.
Lounia_fml 8
FYL.. But look on the bright side, at least she didn't bite it? x]
misterman2 3
lol, you both deserved it. XD
lutzluv124 0
damn that sux! but you probs won't be able to go really hard at it for a while so when the bruise goes away you can have a sexy hott kinky freaky night
crak13 0
lol
skxdarksword 0
ok stop saying she should have swallowed, and he shouldent have had to be bribed. it got old a wile ago