Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me a blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML
Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, my wife surprised me with a blow job. Turns out it was a punishment for not doing the washing, as she did it with Chilli powder in her mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML
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Top comments
genius_man16 1
She was the one who wanted to bribe you. WTF is her problem?
pat2rome 0
Her fault for not swallowing. FYL
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Comments (192)
markssh 0
FYL. Bitch should have swallowed.
SusanaSaysRawrxD 0
YDI for the simple fact that you had to be bribed. -_-" and why does every guy think girls should swallow? Swallow it yourself >_> and YDI for bad aim. o_O
graphicstyle7 17
your girlfriend is a bitch. she must be hot.
Delmar_fml 2
Love spits, true love swallows. I guess we know where you stant
waxstigmata 0
you must be a total dick for her to have to "bribe you" with a bj to act right in from of her parents in the first place YDI
CruelSirDrum 0
thats her fault. does she not know deal works? also, i wouldnt be with a girl that hits a guy there.im assuming you guys are young and thats still funny though.my advice; get a new girlfriend.
PrayerPolice 0
"I was returning some pants. I took a short cut in a subway tunnel and fell in some mud, ruining my pants. The very pants I was returning."
pete275 0
totally her fault (unless she swallows and you missed)
AliceInUnderland 0
If she had swallowed this would have never happened. Her fault. The end. Besides, any girl who's willing to punch their boyfriend in the balls deserves to die alone.
wobster109 1
It is only common courtesy to behave in front of your girlfriend's parents. If you're the kind of person who a girl would need to bribe to behave, then you definitely deserved it.
judgeymcjudge 0
Yeah, this. YDI, dude.