Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me a blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML
Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, my wife surprised me with a blow job. Turns out it was a punishment for not doing the washing, as she did it with Chilli powder in her mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML
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Top comments
genius_man16 1
She was the one who wanted to bribe you. WTF is her problem?
pat2rome 0
Her fault for not swallowing. FYL
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Comments (192)
liveitupx 0
Obviously, she wouldn't have had to bribe you to be good if you weren't normally an asshole. YDI for just being a jerk.
StarChan 2
Honestly, bitch should have just let you come in her mouth. I let my boyfriend do that and I swallow. So, her fault~
ddldave 0
Some people have some weird relationships... Bribe you to be good by giving you a *******? And why wouldn't you act good around her parents? Weird
_DANTE_ 0
Its her fault for getting her dress dirty by not swallowing and being stupid in general (does she think the **** fairy makes it disappear in mid-air)? But it's your fault for being such an asshole that she has to bribe you. YDI.
monicamischief 0
WHY THE HELL DIDNT YOU COME IN HER MOUTH LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE? if she wouldn't let you, you need a new girlfriend it's rude to do anything but swallow, girls
withered 30
#76 Whether or not women want to swallow is not rude/polite it's their preference and you are an idiot for thinking it has anything to do with being polite. Sick of imbeciles like you trying to force your preference on others. Then swallow your own shit next time you wank, so you won't be rude.
ZiggyMorrison 0
her fault for not swallowing or getting naked unless you walked over to her dress that was laying on the floor and jizzed all over it
poiuytrewqlkjhgf 0
When I say YDI I mean she deserved it. Who wears a black dress while doing that? >.>
DeathShad0 1
FYL because she hit you... YDI for apparently being such an ass and having to be bribed.
wut_fml 0
You have to be bribed to behave well at a dinner? Are you a child or just an asshole?
Gillypants 3
while i agree with the needing to be bribed statements, douche, wtf? what girl willingly gives a ******* and then doesn't let you cum in her mouth? i'm sorry, but if you're gonna do it, do it right.