Today, after more than six years of working my ass off, I finally summoned the courage to ask my boss for a raise. She just chuckled, "I'm gonna need you to eat a dick, John." and stared at me unblinking until I awkwardly left. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I summoned the courage to go into my boss’s office and ask for a raise. He yelled at me, called me “ungrateful”, asked how dare I ask him such a question, and that I’m lucky to even have a job in the first place. I ended up reduced to tears. FML
Today, I asked my boss for a raise. He responded with, "Who the hell are you?" FML
Today, I worked up the nerve to ask my boss for a raise. Today is also the day I found out my boss has a shitlist of employees he wants to fire, and that I'm now on it. FML
Today, I went to ask my boss for a raise. He laughed at me and said, "That's hilarious because I was going to ask you if you could take a pay cut!" FML
Today, I asked my boss for my first raise in almost two years, to which he replied, "In the real world, I think you've definitely earned one, but this isn't the real world." FML
Today, after many years of being single, I finally worked up the courage to ask my coworker out. He said no and gave me "fair warning" that he's going to report me for sexual harassment. FML
Today, I walked into my boss's office to ask for a raise, and walked out unemployed. FML
Today, I finally mustered the courage to ask my boss for a raise. I confidently walked into his office, ready to present my case, only to trip over the edge of a rug and fall onto his desk, scattering papers and stuff everywhere. FML
Today, after eight months of unemployment, I finally started at my new night job. Shortly after walking in, my boss came up behind me, whispered "hooorse dicksss" in my ear, and walked off without another word. I am terrified. FML
Today, for some reason, I called my boss "Mum" in a meeting. To make it worse, I panicked and followed it up with, “Can I have a raise?” Everyone laughed except my boss. FML
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Top comments
NoOneLovesYou 13
Welp, it sounds like your boss is an asshole.
MissWhitneyB 17
She didn't have to be rude about it. A "no" would've been enough. Some bosses are assholes just because they know they can be one.
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Comments (123)
am177037 9
An asshole, but she sounds like a funny asshole.
brandoneyez1 25
Tell her to suck yours and move on...!
Medd_fml 13
Why do people have to be like that? Manners cost nothing.
unknowndevil 6
I think that would be considered cannibalism.
smarkatch 2
time for a new job.
tsh0rty 6
I feel you bro
illegalbeagle69 23
Your boss told you to suck a dick before?
OnlyTheDarkest 17
Sounds like she's comin' out of the closet!
Sir_drink_alot 20
Stare back and just say "present it..." Didn't you learn anything from South Park?
Sir_drink_alot 20
And when she can't 'present it' just say "well if you don't have a dick for me to eat then i will just have to take the pay rise instead"
nurchok 15
OP, you should've said something in the lines of "your dick? what time should I pick you up tonight?" But since you didn't, I'd report her for sexual harassment... "Eat a dick" come on, that's too much, no matter how bad her day was...
pazuzus_intern 10
Not sexual harassment.
Goblin182 27
Time to visit HR. .