Today, after more than six years of working my ass off, I finally summoned the courage to ask my boss for a raise. She just chuckled, "I'm gonna need you to eat a dick, John." and stared at me unblinking until I awkwardly left. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I summoned the courage to go into my boss’s office and ask for a raise. He yelled at me, called me “ungrateful”, asked how dare I ask him such a question, and that I’m lucky to even have a job in the first place. I ended up reduced to tears. FML
Today, I asked my boss for a raise. He responded with, "Who the hell are you?" FML
Today, I worked up the nerve to ask my boss for a raise. Today is also the day I found out my boss has a shitlist of employees he wants to fire, and that I'm now on it. FML
Today, I went to ask my boss for a raise. He laughed at me and said, "That's hilarious because I was going to ask you if you could take a pay cut!" FML
Today, I asked my boss for my first raise in almost two years, to which he replied, "In the real world, I think you've definitely earned one, but this isn't the real world." FML
Today, after many years of being single, I finally worked up the courage to ask my coworker out. He said no and gave me "fair warning" that he's going to report me for sexual harassment. FML
Today, I walked into my boss's office to ask for a raise, and walked out unemployed. FML
Today, I finally mustered the courage to ask my boss for a raise. I confidently walked into his office, ready to present my case, only to trip over the edge of a rug and fall onto his desk, scattering papers and stuff everywhere. FML
Today, after eight months of unemployment, I finally started at my new night job. Shortly after walking in, my boss came up behind me, whispered "hooorse dicksss" in my ear, and walked off without another word. I am terrified. FML
Today, for some reason, I called my boss "Mum" in a meeting. To make it worse, I panicked and followed it up with, “Can I have a raise?” Everyone laughed except my boss. FML
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Top comments
NoOneLovesYou 13
Welp, it sounds like your boss is an asshole.
MissWhitneyB 17
She didn't have to be rude about it. A "no" would've been enough. Some bosses are assholes just because they know they can be one.
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Comments (123)
ballpython 15
Next time she tells you to do something respond with "I'm going to need you to eat a bag of dicks".
buckdharma 38
What a twat waffle. She needs to eat a John dick but she couldn't raise one. Haha, good luck op. What a douche-bag.
worldclassrager 41
Work overtime and do exceptional work...you'll get one...
randm_dude 9
like a boss. Somebody had to say it.
FrankHotpants 31
You want a promotion? Break out the lotion.
khodginssxo 14
..your boss actually said that!? I'm like speechless for you lol I wanna say you should have told him off but I think I would have probably awkwardly walked away too. Thinking to myself did that actually just happen? .. maybe sue for sexual harassment! I think telling you to eat a dick should be something?
pazuzus_intern 10
Someone already said this to someone else but apparently you didn't get the memo. People already don't take sexual harassment seriously as it is (especially female on male harassment), why make it harder by stretching the term to mean things it doesn't. The boss obviously did not mean it in a literal sense. Also this sue-happy nonsense has got to freaking stop. There are other ways to handle a problem, and better uses of the court system.
TheyCallMeDamien 18
I'm going to need you to grow a spine.
sunflowerchild 10
And you should've replied with "oh I'm sorry was I meant to be offended? Because the only thing offending me is your face" Or "I'd slap you but that would be animal abuse" Or possibly "what did you have for breakfast ? Bitch flakes ?" Oh the possibilities.
RedPillSucks 33
or "Whose? Yours?" or "Not the dick that's currently up your ass"
Jjimen1654 9
And thats when i would punch my boss in the face.
nurchok 15
One problem with that, boss is a bitch, not a dude...
DepressedBlade 6
That's when you say "present it." Stupid bitch of a boss.