Today, after more than six years of working my ass off, I finally summoned the courage to ask my boss for a raise. She just chuckled, "I'm gonna need you to eat a dick, John." and stared at me unblinking until I awkwardly left. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I summoned the courage to go into my boss’s office and ask for a raise. He yelled at me, called me “ungrateful”, asked how dare I ask him such a question, and that I’m lucky to even have a job in the first place. I ended up reduced to tears. FML
Today, I asked my boss for a raise. He responded with, "Who the hell are you?" FML
Today, I worked up the nerve to ask my boss for a raise. Today is also the day I found out my boss has a shitlist of employees he wants to fire, and that I'm now on it. FML
Today, I went to ask my boss for a raise. He laughed at me and said, "That's hilarious because I was going to ask you if you could take a pay cut!" FML
Today, I asked my boss for my first raise in almost two years, to which he replied, "In the real world, I think you've definitely earned one, but this isn't the real world." FML
Today, after many years of being single, I finally worked up the courage to ask my coworker out. He said no and gave me "fair warning" that he's going to report me for sexual harassment. FML
Today, I walked into my boss's office to ask for a raise, and walked out unemployed. FML
Today, I finally mustered the courage to ask my boss for a raise. I confidently walked into his office, ready to present my case, only to trip over the edge of a rug and fall onto his desk, scattering papers and stuff everywhere. FML
Today, after eight months of unemployment, I finally started at my new night job. Shortly after walking in, my boss came up behind me, whispered "hooorse dicksss" in my ear, and walked off without another word. I am terrified. FML
Today, for some reason, I called my boss "Mum" in a meeting. To make it worse, I panicked and followed it up with, “Can I have a raise?” Everyone laughed except my boss. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
NoOneLovesYou 13
Welp, it sounds like your boss is an asshole.
MissWhitneyB 17
She didn't have to be rude about it. A "no" would've been enough. Some bosses are assholes just because they know they can be one.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (123)
mattrd_fml 31
im trying to understand what she meant by that.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
She must not like giving her husband fellatio. So instead, she was politely asking OP to do it for her and in return, he would get his raise. That's what I assumed she meant.
staroftexas9 3
Damn! I think I'd be in the HR office filing a complaint. A simple "no" was all she needed to say. Sorry OP.
sonnyrosa 32
I agree with staroftexas9... that was a VERY inappropriate response to your request.
AngrySailor 17
Well unfortunately some work places are small enough not to have an HR dept or a union. In those situations, you have to accept it with a realistic expectation of your chances of advancement or leave. After six years, OP kind of deserves it but on the other hand, jobs aren't easy to find these days. If one things for sure you better have some good reasons thought out before going o the boss for a raise. Good luck OP
olpally 33
You need ************ jones... What a **** bag!
Ayanpatel95 7
You can report her for sexual harassment
AngrySailor 17
OP was lucky... I've been told to "eat a bag of dicks" :/
nurchok 15
Either way it is completely inappropriate. And it wasn't worded like "**** off"... It explicitly said, "I'm gonna need you to eat a dick". I agree with a comment about finding a job with a competitor...
WildWonder808 14
What a bitch! Just send your resume out you can probably do better .
ScenicSubterfuge 39
You should have stared back at her and said, "I'm not hungry."
FindingYujin 26
He's damn hungry for a raise though.
trbuson 11
Is she implying that she has a dick?
cottoncandymango 17
Your boss is a straight up bitch.
Drifting 21
I don't think she can legally say that to you???
itsnotyourfault 9
That boss sounds like a dick! Maybe it's time to find a better job