Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. All the magic vanished when I kept queefing every time he thrust into me. We made it about 10 seconds before he broke down into hysterical laughter and lost his boner. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. When we finished, he mentioned that he made me queef. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I actually farted during sex. FML
Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML
Today, my boyfriend discovered how to make me queef on demand when he has his fingers inside me. I now feel like my love life has been replaced with fart sounds. FML
Today, after weeks of no sex, my boyfriend finally decided to have sex with me. While we were getting into it I accidentally farted in his face while his mouth was open. No more sex for me. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend for the first time, he told me he wanted to break up. He told me my orgasm face wasn't something he could put up with. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex, but every time he thrust into me, he farted. Loud, smelly, wet farts. After a minute, I shoved him off and demanded he take a dump. After a full five minutes of loud diarrhea, he came back to bed, his ass stinking of sewage. My pussy dried up so fast… FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered, "Cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. I went down on him, only for him to burst into tears halfway through. Apparently, I do it just like his long-lost teen sweetheart did. I swear I could feel him go completely limp in my mouth. FML
Today, I was having 'goodbye' sex with my boyfriend. Now for the next four months he's going to remember our last time as the one where I farted and couldn't stop laughing. FML
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Top comments
qwertycode 19
At least he's comfortable around you :]
mariah_1_11 22
Are you related to the Canadian queef sisters?
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Comments (82)
dagarr 11
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Hope he actually tried next time
MrSassypants 34
Yeah, that must have been the reason. Not that the FML went over your head like a frisbee being thrown at a blind dog or anything. It was probably because the boyfriend didn't try.
dagarr 11
Don't have to be a dick about it no body is perfect like u
mds9986 24
Don't worry 17 - it's the internet. It's the only place he can feel tough and powerful and insult people because he knows he can't be caught as he sits there smirking to himself.
expertsmilee 26
If the internet were the only place I could insult someone, then I'd insult people a lot more on here instead of saving most of it for the in-person idiots.
littleking94 14
Who wants to argue with me about shit? There seems to be a lot of angry tension here so I thought it would be a good place. # 14 come at me bro
MrSassypants 34
#32 dude, you don't want me to come at you. I'm more ripped than a piece of contraction paper. I don't have a camera to prove it so you'll just have to believe me. Please believe me. Please.
cccook1547 14
Contraction paper? Must be all brawn
MrSassypants 34
I meant construction paper. You correcting my typos? You want to fight too? I'm really strong. I promise. So, might as well back off because I'm not scared or anything. Seriously, I'm not scared.
Corneliapresent 13
For the love of Morgan Freeman, this conversation is so FUNNY!!! BTW: I believe you #76, hope that it make's your day ;-)
Aimeejasmine 15
This is it, we have found the most pathetic comment fight on here
Krypt1c 11
I don't think sassy is serious haha
mariah_1_11 22
Are you related to the Canadian queef sisters?
teentee401 37
Careful not to queef on your BF's face OP. You might get pregnant.
Paco_el_Taco 17
You know Katherine and Katie Queef too?
logicnazi 18
Nah #2, they like queefs, and laughing at queefs. Def would not have lost the magic of relate.
tantanpanda 26
#27, now let me check for cysts...
MdMan2 23
Nice South Park reference
qwertycode 19
At least he's comfortable around you :]
IndicaPaincakes 28
Agreed, it's great that this is the kind of relationship you have. That's max comfort zone, and the absolute best place to be!
MyUsernameisEpic 29
You're screwed... Wait, no you're not.
rlak111 19
That made my day
buddy_J 16
Savage
FriendOrFoeIDK 7
Maybe next time op?
Sefolkerth 20
I'm sorry you were so embarrassed your first time! Unfortunately there is very little you can do to prevent queefing. Pay attention to which positions cause it the most and you can try to avoid them. Otherwise it's absolutely normal and just air that's being pushed into your ****** coming back out!
lovelockdown23 23
yeah. he needs to change his strokes. It happens when he pulls out to far and then thrusts back in therefore pushing in air.
BananEnigma 24
#10 - Exactly!!! I was with a guy once that actually got angry and accused me of queefing on purpose. Ughhhhhhh ******* ignorance.
pokemyeyes 23
what exactly is queefing?
teapotrevolt 27
You know there's always Google. ;)
Joshwarrior 39
But #57 the fml community answers are more amusing (: and queefing is a vaginally fart - urban dictionary :P
beararm 11
I liked it when my gf did in mid-sex once ....lol....dnt look at me* I'm a beast*
cccook1547 14
Not always, I can do that with my gf and her not queef. Only position it happens with us is doggy
Cads1 24
Well, you could always try anal. Wait, that may not be the best idea. Just laugh it off with him.
daddysgirl243 21
at least he thought it was funny instead of repulsive
BananEnigma 24
Ugh, this has happened to me several times. **** you, queef!
alyssa81296 13
Don't even worry about it! It's normal!