Today, my boyfriend discovered how to make me queef on demand when he has his fingers inside me. I now feel like my love life has been replaced with fart sounds. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Rush of gas
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. When we finished, he mentioned that he made me queef. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I actually farted during sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend found out it makes a funny fart sound when he blows hard into my mouth in the middle of making out. I can't get him to stop doing it every time we kiss. FML
Today, my boyfriend discovered you can send sound clips as text messages. So far I've heard 5 of his farts in the past half hour. FML
Gas wars
Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time and we were alone. He was being super romantic and snuggling with me, and then out of nowhere he let out the biggest fart I've ever heard. He then explained how I should try to compete with it. FML
Today, my boyfriend discovered that I fart when I'm tickled enough. The best part was when he decided to show his family. FML
Squelching the night away
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. All the magic vanished when I kept queefing every time he thrust into me. We made it about 10 seconds before he broke down into hysterical laughter and lost his boner. FML
Let it all out
Today, my hubby thought he made me queef during sex. I was too embarrassed ro tell him it was a fart I was holding in, but couldn’t once I orgsmed. FML
Fetish
Today, my boyfriend and I finally had sex. The entire time he kept begging me to fart, especially on him. FML
Today, my boyfriend endearingly told me that he's been taking advantage of my inability to smell due to a head cold, and he's been farting around me whenever he pleases. FML
Rico Suave
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex, but every time he thrust into me, he farted. Loud, smelly, wet farts. After a minute, I shoved him off and demanded he take a dump. After a full five minutes of loud diarrhea, he came back to bed, his ass stinking of sewage. My pussy dried up so fast… FML
Top comments
bestnameright 14
Reminds me of the FML where the girl pees when the boyfriend touches her in the belly button.
petitezombie_fml 0
Is your boyfriend sixteen?
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Comments (122)
iOceanus 18
At least you'll get more acquainted with his fingers ;)
XPetrova 10
No, I bet she'd rather not have any action at all if he were to continually do that.
doctorhook86 25
16: Why? She'd give up sex to avoid queefing? That's stupid.
Meettitan 14
I always giggle when that happens but for some reason, the girl never laughs too....
XPetrova 10
You're not a girl. Queefing would be embarrassing as hell. If she doesn't get embarrassed about it, then I applaud her. But my best guess is many many girls would be extremely embarrassed. And when people get embarrassed, it's common to best avoid the situation.
ICastillo 25
Hey you don't think guys get embarrassed when a girl is going down on us and we get relaxed and accidentally throw a fart. Most guys would probably start laughing, but gents like myself feel bad about it.
XPetrova 10
Yes, I agree with you 100%, it is embarrassing for both... but the girl queefed, not the boy. When guys fart, they laugh and joke about it with their friends, disregarding gents such as yourself. But girls are totally different when it comes to that.
iOceanus 18
I was just trying to look at the positives here...
XPetrova 10
48: Ok, I apologize. I generalized a bit too much. But the majority of women are quite embarrassed by farting though their ass and if not, more by their ******.
ICastillo 25
#47 I see where you're coming from, but girls or anybody shouldn't be embarrassed about their body.
XPetrova 10
53: What? I'm not talking about body appearance. I'm talking about some things we as humans have that unfortunately we can't control, such as farting or queefing. It's natural and very difficult to control. It's like pissing in your bed, more or less... many kids can't control that and it is embarrassing. We don't have control over somethings in our bodies and occasionally fear it might get out of our control. In this case for a women or OP, queefing. She can't control it... and if she could, best guess is she wouldn't want to do it.
Meettitan 14
I think it ia unnatural to be embarrassed by queefing, especially in front of your boyfriend. Just my opinion.
Tanno 3
I would drag my duck through a mile of glass just to hear you queef through a walkie talkie
ICastillo 25
#57 I wasn't talking about body appearances. I was talking about how our bodies react differently to certain things, which we still shouldn't be embarrassed about that. But you're right and I gladly surrender my point of the argument.
RoperGirl203 9
Lmfao xD dafuq
HiIAmKevin 8
Anyone else thinking about South Park while reading the FML or these comments? Lol
Metallica36176 16
57- I completely understand where you are coming from...I don't know why they don't get it though. The furs
Metallica36176 16
(sorry new phone) The first times with the boyfriend are embarrassing as hell. And I completely understand to keep up the whole "girls dont fart thing" so yeah. Sorry. :/
Psycho_Babydoll 26
Imagine you're getting intimate and you suddenly fart through your penis, let's see how embarassed you are then.
XPetrova 10
Lol, I could've just said that. Nicely put!
white16sox 19
Poor duck that belongs to 63!
ThatsMyPie 20
57 - XPetrova, shut the **** up already. Everybody's body makes sounds. Someday, y'all will get over it. It's like the children's book, Everybody Poops.
ICastillo 25
#83 We do accidentally fart through our penis when we get intimate with girls, its just a liquid substance comes out when that happens.
love_me_electric 20
I don't think queefing should be embarrassing if you're comfortable with your partner. If it's a new relationship I can see why it might be embarrassing, since you're still really self conscious around each other. But once you've been having sex for awhile you realize things like that happen sometimes and it's best to just ignore them and keep going. No sense ruining the mood over something you can't control.
Trix_Disorder 20
96 - In an ideal world, yes. But I've been with my boyfriend for three years, and I always dissolve into uncontrollable giggles (my response to being super embarrassed about something) and feel intense self-disgust on the occasion that it does happen. ... Man, girls are weird. And sex is weirder.
GirlYouNasty 11
67- oh my god! She just queefed on my face!
doctorhook86 25
I see the "ladies should be ashamed of their bodily functions" crowd is out in full force today. Y'all are ignorant and backward. Downvote me if you want, that doesn't make your argument less idiotic. A queef is just air. It's not even methane gas like a fart. A queef is literally just an expulsion of air that had gotten into the ****** (typically during sexual activity, but not necessarily). It doesn't even smell unless it comes out of a smelly pussy. There is literally no reason to be ashamed of a queef unless you're also ashamed of your ******... and there's no reason to be ashamed of that either.
Saddyohh 13
I read that last comment in a Samuel Jackson voice. Couldn't help it and it almost fit perfectly into something he'd say.
doctorhook86 25
108: You're damn straight, ************. Thanks! PS: I just wanna add a comment about something that wasn't clear enough in my previous post: #103 was meant squarely for the bullshit fountain of oppressively sexist stupidity that XPetrova contributed to this thread.
15Erik 21
XPetrova had barely any sense. Like doctorhook86 said, queefing is not a bodily function, simply air escaping. Before ruining a perfectly fine comment thread, please educate yourself in the subject first, XPetrova. Have a nice day.
XPetrova 10
Uhm... that's why I got quite a few thumbs up from those who supported my comments. Then again, you're just another guy trying to convince that girls queefing is just a bodily function. That wasn't my argument. I was arguing that that bodily function is just embarrassing. And a few people have supported my comments. So I suggest you go and get yourself more aware of how girls feel about certain things before making such bizarre conclusions stating I should educate myself. I was talking on behalf of my gender. That's it. End of thread. End of discussion.
15Erik 21
Ahh afraid to be proven wrong. Common mistake of a discussion. I'm not saying it's wrong to feel awkward about the body and it's countless functions; I mean, who wants to know what happens in the digestive process? But queefing is not a bodily function, there is no body process that causes bursts of queefing. Just admit that it's air and not a vaginal methane, would save you from social discrimination, thanks.
annalysse 8
i can queef on command and im never embarassed by it when im with my boyfriend. lmfao.
doctorhook86 25
115: Congrats on all your upvotes. It's a shame that they still don't mean you're not completely wrong. The only reason women (and only some women) are embarrassed about their queefs is that fools like you keep telling them that queefing is something to be embarrassed about. It isn't, and saying that it is amounts to saying that women should be ashamed of a function of their bodies. Should women be ashamed of menstruation too, XPetrova? Take some responsibility for the sexist messages you're sending to the teenage girls who are reading your comments. Also, FYI: It's not a sign of maturity to declare a discussion over because you don't like to be disagreed with. Feel free to respond.
15Erik 21
Thank you doctorhook86. Well XPetrova, you were proven wrong by an adult male and 16 year old male (No, i'm not sexist, didn't want another bullshit term for you to throw at me.) Popularity does not amount to anything if you're trying to prove a "valid" point. It's like this is a political election to you, go to Facebook, Twitter etc. if you're looking for popularity.
15Erik 21
To XPetrova. Please try to see the other side of a person's opinion. It doesn't make your opinion seem any more just than the other party's; it makes you seem ignorant and asshole-ish. So please, respect other peoples' opinion viewpoint next time? I am sorry to be hostile, but seeing hostilic activity will just draw in more hostility, as I have just done myself. The theme of my message is just understand other's viewpoints before assaulting them and saying their wrong.
Anumayis 34
#103 you are right!
emeraldisle 30
I don't know about you but queef sounds make me laugh every time they happen. Lighten up a little and have a little fun with your sex life.
indielove 13
There's a difference between having fun and weirdness. Trying to make fart sounds with your girlfriends body in bed is kinda odd.
Pretty_reckless_fml 18
It's probably funny yeah, but if she's trying to be romantic and it's killing the mood it'd just be irritating :(
etchsanity1 11
Especially the "road warrior" from South Park lol gets me every time
petitezombie_fml 0
Is your boyfriend sixteen?
MrForgetable 0
Yes.
fenixtorador1 11
This is a dumb question, who cares what his age is, it's funny.
jujubunni5 9
More like 13...which also wouldn't surprise me.
lozzaaa96 13
Yeah he is ...
lozzaaa96 13
That was to 4 btw
omgthatsosuppera 4
Let the hands do the talking.
Sinamoi 18
OBJECTION! Fingers.
obnum 19
I really enjoy your comments 39 :D
Sinamoi 18
The defense will hold you to this statement.
daner10 5
Tell him to stop if you don't like it!
lilhellian 27
No means no! Unless you're a sloth.
tsent8 15
Or me
JoeGrant 12
54- so, what does no mean to a sloth?
tsent8 15
It means you can have me if you speed your ass up and catch me
bestnameright 14
Reminds me of the FML where the girl pees when the boyfriend touches her in the belly button.
newbiehere99 6
Not really ...
bestnameright 14
Yes really, think about it.
doctorhook86 25
7: Reminds me of the FML where the girl queefs when the boyfriend rubs her clit with the tip of his dick during doggy-style... ...because its practically the same.
slowlybreakingme 14
Maybe it's the same girl. O_o
doctorhook86 25
95: Maybe it's the same boyfriend.
LiterOfCola 16
Well I hope fingering wasn't the entirety of your love life.
SkoomaKi 28
It would be truly tragic if he made you queef just as you were about climax.
AKSBGU 2
Is that like dividing by 0?
DocBastard 40
He can only do that if you give him access to your ******. If you cut off all access, he'll get the idea soon enough.
bestnameright 14
What if she wants to have sex though? Maybe this is all a plot of his to get anal....
unknown_user5566 27
15- Sex is still doable (no pun intended) if OP was still in the mood, since it sounds like this is only an issue when he uses his fingers. She would just need to skip the finger-bangin', and go straight into the real deal.
bestnameright 14
20- true I see my flaw. I was thinking he could still quickly stick his finger in though and in anal she might cover herself in front... Now that I think about that it seems crazy though.
lilhellian 27
If it comes to it, she can use a vibrator. As long as she remembers the battery pack.
winfieldALJD 6
Spoken like a true medical professional. You should thank DocBastard before he charges.
patrickalamo 48
That would be like taking a guitar from Hendrix.
ydi_4_suking 20
Because it's funny and strange for us guys