Today, I had to lie to my coworkers about me and some guy beating the absolute shite out of each other in a bar fight, all to avoid admitting my black eye was from my 7 year old son punching me in the face the other day. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, two days after losing my temper with my smart mouthed 7 year-old son and slapping him across the face, I tried to apologize by buying him a treat and telling him if anyone found out, I would get in trouble. Today, I got a call from social services about the "bruise" on his face. FML
Today, I posted on my Facebook wall that I'd gotten into a huge bar fight and had the shit kicked out of me, all to avoid having to tell the truth, namely that I'd stayed home all night because nobody invited me out to party. FML
Today, I accidentally gave myself a black eye. I would laugh about it if my friends didn't start suspecting that my husband is abusing me, and won't listen when I try to explain what really happened. FML
Today, I got a black eye while trying to break up a fight caused by some complete bastard making a "yo momma" joke at the funeral of my best friend's mother. FML
Today, I was peppered with questions about my swollen eye and if I'd gotten into a fight. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd been brutally beaten into submission by a doorknob. FML
Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML
Today, while arm wrestling with my boyfriend, I had to pretend he beat me. FML
Today, my father-in-law asked why my wife had a black eye. I got as far as, “Yeah that was me, I…” before he broke my nose. I get the 'protecting his daughter' thing, but if he’d let me finish, I’d have said “was putting up a shelf she wanted, but I dropped it on her. Total accident.” FML
Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML
Today, at work, a man punched me in the face because he said I took his son's job. He meant both me and his son applied for the same job. He also asked to speak to my boss, because he thinks I "cheated." FML
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Top comments
PenguinBitch 44
We all know the toothpaste cap gave you the black eye, don't lie.
WCARlover 35
Wow, 7 is definitely way old enough to know better than that. I would've gotten my ass handed to me if I'd punched my parent hard enough to leave a black eye at that age
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Comments (58)
asspole 16
Punch the kid in the face please
cksmith51 14
Sounds like your son packs quite the punch
sonasonic 34
Hopefully he got it from his father...
PhinIt2WinIt 24
I have a feeling It's from his mother.
WCARlover 35
Wow, 7 is definitely way old enough to know better than that. I would've gotten my ass handed to me if I'd punched my parent hard enough to leave a black eye at that age
Catdragon 40
when I was like 4, my dad was visiting so I ran to give him a hug and accidentally hit him in the balls. it happens.
WCARlover 35
Well yes of course if it was an accident that's different but I read I guess I just assumed it was on purpose when I read the FML. So my comment was for only if it was intentional
Mauskau 36
A friend of mine headbutted me in the nose by "accident" when I put my hand near his armpit to tickle him. That was a fun nosebleed.
NinjaDitto623 14
My boyfriend once started tickling me and when I tried to shove him away I accidentally punched him in the face and gave him a nosebleed. I felt so bad.
5secondsofvvifi 21
I mean if you tickle people you should be prepared to be accidentally hit in some way you. You can't control your actions sometimes if you're being tickled
PenguinBitch 44
We all know the toothpaste cap gave you the black eye, don't lie.
Tournesol143 28
There I was, surrounded by tigers...
abdiG 27
u got to do Wat u gotta do to protect ur manhood.
disbatch 14
uh yeah be honest
abdiG 27
He would of told his colleague the truth had he trusted him so they could both luagh it off but clearly did not. hence lying seemed more appropriate.
ber4fun 23
On the plus side, it sounds like your son will be able to defend himself if he ever needs to.
joeyl2008 29
why lie?
ninjahesten 18
for how man months or years do you Think he would be known as the guy getting a Black eye from hes 7 years old son? its hes coworkers, its theire job to make up funny Nick names and remind him of it Evert time he forgårs ;)
MakeTodayADTR 20
The First rule about Fight Club: You do not talk about Fight Club.
Sparx1_1 16
What's wrong with saying you found out your kid has mean right hook? When my kid was 5 he could pick me up off the ground and I weighed about 160 lbs (11.5 stone) at the time. 7 Year-olds have no concept of holding back their full strength and can hit extremely hard in even the most innocent circumstances. But congrats on teaching your kid that you're a liar.
teentee401 37
How would the son know that he lied to his coworkers?